My Journey

[Raven]

I had an appointment with my oncologist yesterday. Had had it cancelled three times due to lack of transportation and doctor leaving for 4th of July celebration. Finally, I had my ride set up by the Lulac bus to take me. The appointment was for 10 AM. I had asked the girl at the Cancer Treatment Center to set it at the East Side office and she had said okay.

Well, the bus was supposed to pick me up at 9 AM. Most of the time, they are more than an hour early but not yesterday. It came for me at almost 10 AM. It had to also go pick up a gentlemen for his appointment. The driver drove into a driveway in a neighborhood with a bad rep. When he tries to back out of there, the bus gets stuck and won't go into reverse. I think the transmission was messing up. It kept screeching and making noises but wouldn't move. I was really nervous from the time I got up about what the results would be, so you can imagine how I felt at this bus problem. Well, he put it in reverse again and it went back but only due to the driveway's incline. Then it stopped at the edge of the driveway. He(the driver) tried to go back more but it wouldn't, only kept making those noises. Then he decided to drive it forward. It moved but since we were still in part of the driveway, he couldn't go forward much. The mailbox was in the way. He tried backing out again, it moved a bit while screeching and smoking now. My thought was we are stuck here now, chihuahua. He tried to move forward again and it moved but the mailbox was at the corner of the front area of the bus. He got off and tried to push it backwards. Poor guy. Nick was with me and he took his seat belt off to go help him. The man hardly budged it. He got back in the bus and tried putting it in reverse but it moved the tiniest bit. Enough to miss the mailbox, whew.

He then drove a bit forward to an apartment house and went to pick up an older gentleman in a w/c. He helped him into the bus and strapped the w/c with a seatbelt on the other side of the bus. Finally, we drove away.

He got on the freeway towards the Spaghetti Bowl and onto I-10. I thought we will be late but not that much, or so I hoped. We traveled about 7 miles when we noticed traffic going really slow. Turtle pace even. Oh no! The cars on the gateway were travelling faster than those of us on the freeway. At first I thought it might just be some slow down for a short distance. Nope it wasn't so. The Highway Dept was working on the road around the edge of town back towards the central area. Well, we kept on with the rest of traffic till we could get off the freeway. Once on it, we speeded up and got to the offices.

The bus parked in front of the entrance and got me down and left. Nick and I went inside into the lobby. Told the receptionist we had an appointment at 10 and gave her my name. They asked me who my doctor was. We told them, although we couldn't pronounce it very well since he is from India and has a very unually long and difficult name to pronounce. Then, Surprise! They tell us he is not in this building. He is at the West Side office which is about 15 - 20 miles away. Apparently, the girl who gave me the appointment made an error. I was so disgusted with the way things were going by now. We had no car and no way to get back home or go to the other office. Chihuahua!!!!! You can imagine how hard I am/was trying not to cuss. LOL

They asked me if I wanted to re-schedule my appointment!! Again!!! No way, Jose. I told them I was tired of doing that so many times. I have been trying to be patient at the same time that I am so anxious about the results to the test and now this? No, no, no!! No more re-scheduling!! They asked if I wanted to go out to the WestSide and we had to inform them we had no transportation to get there. Thankfully they came up with a solution. They could call a taxi to take us there. We asked them if we would have to wait for a long time since we late now. They called and the people at the other office said okay they would get me in right away. TG. So they called the cab and the place even paid for it. For our trip home, they paid for it too.

The only problem with the cabs was the height and to getting into them while they were on and blowing steaming hot air beneath me. The temperature yesterday was 103. Ouch! Felt like we were in hell.

Quite a day we had yesterday.

My doctor took a long time to see me though. It was so exasperating to wait while he looked at my test results and said nothing. I couldn't even see his face since he had his back to me, so I couldn't see his reaction to them.

He finally tells me that the results were not very clear so we are in the same position as before. He asked me to see my gastroenterologist to find out what he wants to do next. The blood work from my previous test shows a high AFP tumor level(247) and we need to know what is going on with my liver since my cat scan didn't really show much. So I guess we are back at square one for now. My appointment with the gastro is for the 17th, this coming Monday. Hope he will be able to tell me more.

One thing though, I am hoping for the best and will try to be strong if the news is not good. I want to be around for a long, long time and see my Isisita grow up more. Maybe even see my great grandkids eh?

Raven

[lynnifer]

How frustrating!!! All that and no answer ... thinking of you as Monday approaches.

[Obieone]

Raven ..... Warrior Woman .... {{{{{hug}}}}}} .... BLOODY HELL ... there .. I said it for you .... anytime you need us to cuss for you you just let us know ...

Obieone

[LaMemChose]

What an awful, dreadful day. So sorry you are still waiting for results. You won't know what your next move should be until you have those. Raven, you have so much resilience and strength. Yes, you'll be here for a long time, looking over Nick and precious Isis.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending **hugs** to you and yours.

[teena]

Raven, dear friend of mine...

YOU could be a poster child for the slogan...

"Hurry up and wait!"

{{{{Raven}}}}

Love you MUCH!

Teena

[Raven]

Thank you all for your replies. By now, I am over that day. When I got home that day, I was so tired and sleepy plus disgusted. I think the heat made it worse for us. I am a stubborn woman and didn't go to bed until 8 that evening. Kept dozing off in my chair, lol, and Nick was waking me up cause he thought I might fall off. I got mad at him and told him to leave me alone. Poor Nick, he was only worried about me but it had been a pretty hard day for us. He is an angel with so much patience. I think that day my patience had run out on me. It wasn't our day for sure.

Today, the people for the bus called and verified my pick up time and day. So am sure Monday won't be a problem. Am a bit anxious about what gastro will say since my blood was also tested for the ammonia level and he will tell me how it is now. (Obie, or someone please cuss for me here), I am so tired of all these tests and the way the results keep coming out. Wish for once they would come out normal. Just venting.

So thank you all for your support and for listening to me whine.

BTW, when they(tests) come out better, I am going to make a party and invite all here to celebrate with me. They will someday, I am sure of it.

Well, just rambling now so until next Monday will give all the updates again.

Raven

Teena, you just reminded me of what my ex used to say about the army .. "hurry up and wait" .. lol

[Raven]

Sigh.

Well, it seems that nothing is going to be done about it for now. Gastro told me to just wait and see what happens in two months. He has ordered some more bloodwork to be done in one month so he can see it when I go back in 2. He said that depending on what the bloodwork shows then, he might order an MRI.

I don't know how to feel or what to think anymore. I hate to be living in what I feel is like living in limbo.

Last night, I was thinking if there is something wrong/bad in there and we don't do anything about it but just wait, wouldn't it be giving it an opportunity to get worse? (sorry about the run on sentence) Am trying so hard not to think negative thoughts but it is pretty hard to do. I hate waiting. Feels like putting my life on hold or suspension. I think, .. if there is something wrong, we can at least try to do something about it. Not just sit there on my butt and wait with no answer to work with. You know what I mean?

Anyways, my oncologist had already set up a return appointment for me in one month's time. I asked gastro's nurse to tell me what to say to him when I go back. He had been asking me previously if I had seen gastro. Therefore I think he want's to know some answer too. She said she was going to send me my gastro's last notes in my file so I can take it to oncologist.

That is where this all stands for the moment.

Sorry if I bring anybody down. Just thought I would let you all know the last visit's outcome and to vent a little bit.

Raven

[LaMemChose]

So sorry you are not any closer to answers Raven. Sending prayers, hugs and positive thoughts to you.

[lynnifer]

I was just thinking about this the other day ... any more updates? Some good news I hope?

[darkeyed_daisy]

Gosh Raven.....
You have had quite a time...... I dislike doctors and their tests. So sorry you are having to go through this. Hope you feel better. Nothing like the frustration of having to wait on someone else for transportation. At least you have that beautiful baby girl to come home to......Just wishing you well!!!!