Visitation for SCI dad

betheny · 05-23-2004, 10:21 AM

A friend of mine is going to have to fight for more visitation rights with his child. He is a c5 quad with all that that entails. He lives independently, drives, goes to work each day, has an aide come in twice daily. Needs help transferring basically. His daughter is 4.

When his wife left, the judge slammed him imo. He wasn't in a position to fight then, but is now. As it stands, he is not allowed to be around his daughter alone. I've seen them together, she's a good kid and he's a good dad. He wants private visitation; the last judge felt a quad would be unable to care for a small child alone.

I know to start the search at Through the Looking Glass. What else should we do? Any lawyers opinions or personal experiences would sure be appreciated.

C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000

Emi2 · 05-23-2004, 10:55 AM

I have no advice but tell him good luck. I know the one thing that would keep me in an unhappy relationship would be fear of losing custody of Violet.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"
~ Anon

TINAMARIE · 05-23-2004, 01:08 PM

That is truly a shame!! How horrible of the judge to do that!! I am a C5 Quad, althoguh I am now much more mobile than I was a couple months ago. I have 4 yr old twin boys had their aunt (their father's sister) living with me to help me out> Due to numerous problems I ended up kicking her out of my house. Well, out of spite, their aunt called Child Protective Services on me. The woman that came out to see me was very nice and helpful. She informed me that there was no reason at all I couldn't take care of my kids myself. She said as long as I had appropriate help, my being in a wheelchair in no way impaired my ability to raise my children!! Which is very true!! I have a friend who helps me clean my house and drives me where I need to go until I get the hand controls in my car, but other than that, I take care of my kids alone-Physically and Financially, as their dad has not seen them in 2 yrs nor sent me a dime for their care!

As I have never been in the same situation as your friend, I really don't have any advice to give other than maybe contacting the Protective Services Agency in his area to see if they could help in any way. I know everyone usually sees CPS as just wanting to take kids away, but I have found that they can be very valuable resources in trying to KEEP your children too. Tell him I wish him the absolute best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with him!!!

metronycguy · 05-23-2004, 07:15 PM

maybe united spinal has some ideas? http://www.unitedspinal.org/

Liz321 · 05-24-2004, 11:41 AM

1.a visible loud mouth attorney. (gloria what's her-name)
2.Some tv news for the judge about unfairness.
3. Civil rights issue?

airart1 · 05-30-2004, 06:12 AM

mine, my X, seemed to think since i was in this condition, that i shouldn't have any shared custody with him, he was 3 when my accident, i fought her tooth and nail anyway and kept my custody, i tried my best to give him as much as i could, i never missed picking him up from school, or any visitation days, and he decided to theripe ol age of 16 he would come live with me, it took about 2 weeks for me to throw him out and make him go back to his mothers, he decided that he didn't have to do anything that was required of him to live here.......i.e. ..pick up after himself or mow the yard or do any of the things i had to do as a child in my fathers home....now we don't even talk.......boy shows what kind of love i got from him...........

Koran Verse 9 : 11

-- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of
Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair, still more
rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and
there was peace.

Leo · 05-31-2004, 06:24 PM

Beth, Liz321 great advice. i'm c4/5 quad, unable to drive, had no job, but sure had visitation. tell him to be dam sure his lawyer know he's serious and won't settle for bullshit. my first one didn't and i could have sworn he was working for her. if he needs a testimonial have him drop me a note, the judge would just love hearing from my kids also.

"All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given you."
Gandolf the Gray

05-23-2004, 10:21 AM	#1
betheny Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Oklahoma,USA Posts: 18,333	Visitation for SCI dad A friend of mine is going to have to fight for more visitation rights with his child. He is a c5 quad with all that that entails. He lives independently, drives, goes to work each day, has an aide come in twice daily. Needs help transferring basically. His daughter is 4. When his wife left, the judge slammed him imo. He wasn't in a position to fight then, but is now. As it stands, he is not allowed to be around his daughter alone. I've seen them together, she's a good kid and he's a good dad. He wants private visitation; the last judge felt a quad would be unable to care for a small child alone. I know to start the search at Through the Looking Glass. What else should we do? Any lawyers opinions or personal experiences would sure be appreciated. C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000

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05-23-2004, 10:55 AM	#2
Emi2 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 3,205	I have no advice but tell him good luck. I know the one thing that would keep me in an unhappy relationship would be fear of losing custody of Violet. "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow" ~ Anon

05-23-2004, 01:08 PM	#3
TINAMARIE Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Covington, Georgia Posts: 396	That is truly a shame!! How horrible of the judge to do that!! I am a C5 Quad, althoguh I am now much more mobile than I was a couple months ago. I have 4 yr old twin boys had their aunt (their father's sister) living with me to help me out> Due to numerous problems I ended up kicking her out of my house. Well, out of spite, their aunt called Child Protective Services on me. The woman that came out to see me was very nice and helpful. She informed me that there was no reason at all I couldn't take care of my kids myself. She said as long as I had appropriate help, my being in a wheelchair in no way impaired my ability to raise my children!! Which is very true!! I have a friend who helps me clean my house and drives me where I need to go until I get the hand controls in my car, but other than that, I take care of my kids alone-Physically and Financially, as their dad has not seen them in 2 yrs nor sent me a dime for their care! As I have never been in the same situation as your friend, I really don't have any advice to give other than maybe contacting the Protective Services Agency in his area to see if they could help in any way. I know everyone usually sees CPS as just wanting to take kids away, but I have found that they can be very valuable resources in trying to KEEP your children too. Tell him I wish him the absolute best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with him!!!

05-23-2004, 07:15 PM	#4
metronycguy Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: ny Posts: 5,674	maybe united spinal has some ideas? http://www.unitedspinal.org/

05-24-2004, 11:41 AM	#5
Liz321 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: NY Posts: 5,582	1.a visible loud mouth attorney. (gloria what's her-name) 2.Some tv news for the judge about unfairness. 3. Civil rights issue?

05-30-2004, 06:12 AM	#6
airart1 Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: usa Posts: 701	mine, my X, seemed to think since i was in this condition, that i shouldn't have any shared custody with him, he was 3 when my accident, i fought her tooth and nail anyway and kept my custody, i tried my best to give him as much as i could, i never missed picking him up from school, or any visitation days, and he decided to theripe ol age of 16 he would come live with me, it took about 2 weeks for me to throw him out and make him go back to his mothers, he decided that he didn't have to do anything that was required of him to live here.......i.e. ..pick up after himself or mow the yard or do any of the things i had to do as a child in my fathers home....now we don't even talk.......boy shows what kind of love i got from him........... Koran Verse 9 : 11 -- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair, still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

05-31-2004, 06:24 PM	#7
Leo Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Yankton, South Dakota Posts: 3,950	Beth, Liz321 great advice. i'm c4/5 quad, unable to drive, had no job, but sure had visitation. tell him to be dam sure his lawyer know he's serious and won't settle for bullshit. my first one didn't and i could have sworn he was working for her. if he needs a testimonial have him drop me a note, the judge would just love hearing from my kids also. "All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given you." Gandolf the Gray