Gary, and causes of death

Clipper · 08-25-2001, 12:30 PM

When I was in rehab 12 years ago, I made friends with a guy who was there for surgery to relieve pressure on a nerve in his neck. He and I were the same level injury, and he was the first person who showed me that I could carry on with my life. He opened my eyes and I found hope. He went in for his surgery, and he died. Nobody would say exactly why he had died, and that freaked everyone out even more. Here was a hulking guy in great physical shape, and he just died. And I wanted to know why. I was 18 years old.

I did not know Gary, but I grieve at his passing. It seems he touched many lives. With all due respect to Gary, his friends and family, I still believe that requesting more information on the cause of death is not a horrible thing. We all must live with this thing called paralysis, which has affected us all greatly. We naturally would want to know why another person with SCI died at such a young age. It has nothing to do with morbid curiousity. It has everything to do with the realities we face every day.

Please do not take my posting the wrong way. It pains me to see that someone has died -- someone who seemed so full of life. Thank you for listening.

Scorpion · 08-25-2001, 11:39 PM

Well said, Clipper.

~Rus

bilby · 08-27-2001, 03:00 PM

People, get out your note books so you don't have to ask the same question again.

Melissa already said he died of complications related to his sci. If you want more details, maybe you should contact his family and ask them directly.

bill

[This message was edited by bilby on August 27, 2001 at 06:25 PM.]

Wise Young · 08-27-2001, 03:17 PM

friends, please. Let us respect the wishes of the family. If the family had wanted the cause of death to be known, it would be known. I don't know and I respect their wishes. Wise.

melliska · 08-27-2001, 03:47 PM

thank you, dr. young. what you say is true. it is not the family's wishes for gary's passing to be discussed in the forums. they never even thought to post that he had died here. it was my idea to let everyone know. i don't think posting that he passed away is an invasion of he and his family's privacy, but to take it any further would violate their personal lives.

the people that love him just want everyone to remember how gary was a wonderful person and that sci is a horrible and fatal thing. gary would want us all to stay healthy and keep working for the cure so that no more of us have to be lost. thank you, melissa

life is a lesson you learn when you're through.

Sci Mom · 08-27-2001, 04:25 PM

I was very saddened to hear of Gary's passing. He seemed full of good humor, with a little sarcasm [my personal favorite!] and his death was a shock to everyone on the forums. I too wanted to know more than "complications from his SCI" but not out of morbid curiosity, but rather out of fear. I've almost lost my daughter three times now since her initial injury in '99; I'm just beginning to breathe again, and I hear of Gary's passing. My first thought was, "What else? Is it something new, or something we've been through already? What else do I have to watch for, worry about, be vigilant for?" On the other hand, I completely respect his family's wishes to not have their privacy invaded. I'm sure they miss him more than words can say. I guess we'll just keep dodging those bullets until the cure....

Clipper · 08-27-2001, 09:33 PM

SCI Mom said it perfectly.

I started this thread separately from the "in memory" posting because I didn't want this to be about Gary specifically. I, too, respect his privacy and that of his family and friends. My posting was in reference to a broader issue, based on my experiences and prompted by the thread about Gary's death.

For me, reading "complications of SCI" is worse than knowing nothing at all. In fact, it scares me. I try to know everything I can about my body and my injury so that I can maintain good health and deal with difficulties that might arise. Participating in this forum is a part of educating myself. Unfortunately, sometimes we must learn through the misfortunes of others -- illness, injury, tragedy and even death. Knowing the circumstances of such tragedies can help us all better understand our injuries. As lousy and uncaring as that sounds, it is a fact of life.

As I stated in my initial post, I did not intend to start a war of words or to disrespect anyone's privacy. That is why this thread is a separate topic, intended to start a discussion among us all. Reading such things as "SCI claimed another victim" is inconsistent with the way I view my life. Instead of accepting that tragic fact, I want to educate myself. If you think wanting to know more is wrong when privacy is an issue, that's okay too. We all deal with things differently. I deal with things head-on, before they have a chance to beat me down.

Yes, SCI is horrible. But it isn't necessarily fatal. After having lived with my injury for 12 years, I can say with certainty that we owe it to ourselves and to each other to learn as much as we can about SCI. Closing our eyes to reality is no way to go through life. Embrace each day. Learn as much as you can. Make it difference. And, most importantly, plan for the future, remember the past and live in the present.

Mike C · 08-28-2001, 08:16 AM

You only need to check SCI death statistics to know what SCI people are dying from. His cause of death need not be revealed. Let´s say Gary died from pneumonia, the main killer for those who initially survive a SCI. What would you now do differently from what you already should be doing? If he died from the complications from a pressure sore, would you watch out for pressure sores more than you should already? Perhaps he just couldn´t stand the pain anymore. What would it bring you to know if that was the reason he died?

There are many web sites, including this one, which have the latest information on health care and research issues for those who have a spinal injury. This fact alone should reduce, in my opinion, the fatality rates at least indirectly, because the amount of information and support for those with a spinal injury before the Internet was much less than is now available. Your best method of protection is informed prevention.

[This message was edited by Mike C on August 28, 2001 at 11:35 AM.]

cheesecake · 08-28-2001, 07:16 PM

Gary's death brought home a hard reality to us, SCI complications can result in death. Having known Gary for a year "on line" I think if he had wanted us to know, he would have shared. Gary's message was always the same.....push on for a cure! Out of respect to Gary as well as to his family, we need not ask WHY. Bottom line, it hurts to have lost a friend, peer, advocate (Gary would hate that title). Let his passing be a reminder that all are vulnerable, let us UNITE and push forward for research $$$$ and ultimately a cure.

Clipper · 08-28-2001, 07:18 PM

Mike,

I guess you and I just see things differently. Statistics are great, but my personality is such that I seek out more. I guess that is why I began my career in journalism and now am involved in commercial aviation operations/safety. Both fields require more than just looking at statistics and accepting them for what they are. Thank you for your reply.

Cheesecake,

Like I have tried to emphasize, this post is not intended to be about Gary specifically. I wish people would read the message in its entirety before responding. So, again, this is NOT a post requesting more information about Gary's death.

08-25-2001, 12:30 PM	#1
Clipper Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 1,516	Gary, and causes of death When I was in rehab 12 years ago, I made friends with a guy who was there for surgery to relieve pressure on a nerve in his neck. He and I were the same level injury, and he was the first person who showed me that I could carry on with my life. He opened my eyes and I found hope. He went in for his surgery, and he died. Nobody would say exactly why he had died, and that freaked everyone out even more. Here was a hulking guy in great physical shape, and he just died. And I wanted to know why. I was 18 years old. I did not know Gary, but I grieve at his passing. It seems he touched many lives. With all due respect to Gary, his friends and family, I still believe that requesting more information on the cause of death is not a horrible thing. We all must live with this thing called paralysis, which has affected us all greatly. We naturally would want to know why another person with SCI died at such a young age. It has nothing to do with morbid curiousity. It has everything to do with the realities we face every day. Please do not take my posting the wrong way. It pains me to see that someone has died -- someone who seemed so full of life. Thank you for listening.

08-27-2001, 04:25 PM	#6
Sci Mom Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: West Virginia Posts: 658	Gary's death I was very saddened to hear of Gary's passing. He seemed full of good humor, with a little sarcasm [my personal favorite!] and his death was a shock to everyone on the forums. I too wanted to know more than "complications from his SCI" but not out of morbid curiosity, but rather out of fear. I've almost lost my daughter three times now since her initial injury in '99; I'm just beginning to breathe again, and I hear of Gary's passing. My first thought was, "What else? Is it something new, or something we've been through already? What else do I have to watch for, worry about, be vigilant for?" On the other hand, I completely respect his family's wishes to not have their privacy invaded. I'm sure they miss him more than words can say. I guess we'll just keep dodging those bullets until the cure....

08-28-2001, 07:16 PM	#9
cheesecake Moderator Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: USA Posts: 7,522	SCI Complications Gary's death brought home a hard reality to us, SCI complications can result in death. Having known Gary for a year "on line" I think if he had wanted us to know, he would have shared. Gary's message was always the same.....push on for a cure! Out of respect to Gary as well as to his family, we need not ask WHY. Bottom line, it hurts to have lost a friend, peer, advocate (Gary would hate that title). Let his passing be a reminder that all are vulnerable, let us UNITE and push forward for research $$$$ and ultimately a cure.

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08-25-2001, 11:39 PM	#2
Scorpion Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Colorado Posts: 5,604	Well said, Clipper. ~Rus

08-27-2001, 03:00 PM	#3
bilby Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: frankfort, ny us Posts: 1,039	People, get out your note books so you don't have to ask the same question again. Melissa already said he died of complications related to his sci. If you want more details, maybe you should contact his family and ask them directly. bill [This message was edited by bilby on August 27, 2001 at 06:25 PM.]

08-27-2001, 03:17 PM	#4
Wise Young Administrator Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: New Brunswick, NJ, USA Posts: 37,975	friends, please. Let us respect the wishes of the family. If the family had wanted the cause of death to be known, it would be known. I don't know and I respect their wishes. Wise.

08-27-2001, 03:47 PM	#5
melliska Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Iowa Posts: 283	thank you, dr. young. what you say is true. it is not the family's wishes for gary's passing to be discussed in the forums. they never even thought to post that he had died here. it was my idea to let everyone know. i don't think posting that he passed away is an invasion of he and his family's privacy, but to take it any further would violate their personal lives. the people that love him just want everyone to remember how gary was a wonderful person and that sci is a horrible and fatal thing. gary would want us all to stay healthy and keep working for the cure so that no more of us have to be lost. thank you, melissa life is a lesson you learn when you're through.

08-27-2001, 09:33 PM	#7
Clipper Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 1,516	SCI Mom said it perfectly. I started this thread separately from the "in memory" posting because I didn't want this to be about Gary specifically. I, too, respect his privacy and that of his family and friends. My posting was in reference to a broader issue, based on my experiences and prompted by the thread about Gary's death. For me, reading "complications of SCI" is worse than knowing nothing at all. In fact, it scares me. I try to know everything I can about my body and my injury so that I can maintain good health and deal with difficulties that might arise. Participating in this forum is a part of educating myself. Unfortunately, sometimes we must learn through the misfortunes of others -- illness, injury, tragedy and even death. Knowing the circumstances of such tragedies can help us all better understand our injuries. As lousy and uncaring as that sounds, it is a fact of life. As I stated in my initial post, I did not intend to start a war of words or to disrespect anyone's privacy. That is why this thread is a separate topic, intended to start a discussion among us all. Reading such things as "SCI claimed another victim" is inconsistent with the way I view my life. Instead of accepting that tragic fact, I want to educate myself. If you think wanting to know more is wrong when privacy is an issue, that's okay too. We all deal with things differently. I deal with things head-on, before they have a chance to beat me down. Yes, SCI is horrible. But it isn't necessarily fatal. After having lived with my injury for 12 years, I can say with certainty that we owe it to ourselves and to each other to learn as much as we can about SCI. Closing our eyes to reality is no way to go through life. Embrace each day. Learn as much as you can. Make it difference. And, most importantly, plan for the future, remember the past and live in the present.

08-28-2001, 08:16 AM	#8
Mike C Moderator Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Deutschland Posts: 4,894	You only need to check SCI death statistics to know what SCI people are dying from. His cause of death need not be revealed. Let´s say Gary died from pneumonia, the main killer for those who initially survive a SCI. What would you now do differently from what you already should be doing? If he died from the complications from a pressure sore, would you watch out for pressure sores more than you should already? Perhaps he just couldn´t stand the pain anymore. What would it bring you to know if that was the reason he died? There are many web sites, including this one, which have the latest information on health care and research issues for those who have a spinal injury. This fact alone should reduce, in my opinion, the fatality rates at least indirectly, because the amount of information and support for those with a spinal injury before the Internet was much less than is now available. Your best method of protection is informed prevention. [This message was edited by Mike C on August 28, 2001 at 11:35 AM.]

08-28-2001, 07:18 PM	#10
Clipper Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 1,516	Mike, I guess you and I just see things differently. Statistics are great, but my personality is such that I seek out more. I guess that is why I began my career in journalism and now am involved in commercial aviation operations/safety. Both fields require more than just looking at statistics and accepting them for what they are. Thank you for your reply. Cheesecake, Like I have tried to emphasize, this post is not intended to be about Gary specifically. I wish people would read the message in its entirety before responding. So, again, this is NOT a post requesting more information about Gary's death.