Worrier Extrodinaire

[lynnifer]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england...yside-19499609

Hoping this wasn't David, my ex, but his last contact came from Wirral. His sister emailed me this morning while I was at work with the news. His family contacts me ... but won't follow up to see if this is him. How can they not? I'm not his kin but I loved him enough and still care enough to see that he is unhurt .. WTF? One part of me says, 'not my problem' and the other part saw me in tears in the break room while I was alone at work today. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM, RIGHT!?

I've called Merseyside Police and was given the coroner's office number as the dispatcher can't release information (hey just like at my work - I know how this goes all too well). I won't know until they open on Monday.

I work tomorrow with two great co-workers that I can have a laugh with - that will take my mind off of it. I get Sunday off and am back to work Monday for 5 days. Eight hour shifts are working out lovely for me ... but I'm more tired than I thought I would be.

Better living through chemicals. Going to take a script sleeping pill and hit the sack and hope my head stops thinking and worrying as I am the 'Worrier Extrodinaire' when I'm not busy being 'The Pressure Sore Queen.'

I keep thinking of how our arguments would end all the time. ME: "Then again, I'm just a girl in a wheelchair so you feel you can treat me however you want right?" HIM: "You're not 'just the girl in the wheelchair,' you're Jennifer."

Fuck.

This is how it is for me ... all goes good for such a short while and then I'm hit with another set back. If this turns out to be David, I'll be so heartsick. It will certainly blow my plans of '40's being fabulous.'

Ignore this until I know more .. but no one in my life wants to hear it .. yet others still ask about the bugger three years later. Makes it difficult to get over and move on. I have such a tension headache that even my teeth hurt (from the sinuses from crying ... I try to avoid crying for this reason, plus I think it's a waste of time).

[crypticgimp]

why would your ex be homeless

[lynnifer]

It's a long story of a man who fucked up every opportunity ever given, long before I came along. He also had very low self esteem and had issues with alcoholism. He managed to clean up 3yrs before he left Canada but with a 'pub' on every corner in England, I'm certain - and so is his sister - that he went back to it.

I should not let him rent the space in my head and I do know this. It's difficult to 'just forget' 13yrs with someone. I can't explain anymore.

Working 8hrs is great .. but it means more days .. whereas before I'd work 10 and be off more. It was the 12's that almost killed me - can't do 12's but those three days off were nice! I just can't do it though.

My head hurts. Off to bed I go.

[NorthQuad]

You don't need this.

[jody]

My bipolar ex every five years, goes of the deep end for a year or two and ends up homeless, or for the eleven years, minus one of separation, the year he wrecked my car and got me evicted from my apartment after Id been there eight years, pretends to be a dry drunk (He didnt drink and we never had booze in our house because I didnt either, easier to go to aa than to be bipolar)

the wrecked car and eviction was next to last straw,
I got my sci, and ended up moving back in with him he'd burn that place down, and lose the next house after going off his meds, (last straw)

anyway, been there but at one time I loved the guy. I don't anymore, but still worry he is going to do something to piss his parents off and end up homeless again. He is small, low body fat, it gets very cold in pa, lots of other mean homeless. If police who know him have to deal with him, they are kind and know how to talk to him. I worry he'll meet the wrong cop, or whoever.....anyway, not only have there been unidentified bodies, but once he was ruled out as the victim, he was investigated as the perp. dude, that is when having god to talk to has helped out a lot. Sometimes you have to just say a prayer for someone and not let your mind be on em every time a body turns up.

there is the gut feeling that never lies, and the worry addiction that persists than conflicts sometimes. good thing he pissed me off so bad that last time.

no use worry, just grieve if you gotta but no worry.
that is for wimmins wi kids. that never gets put on a shelf. good thing I was unable to have kids by the time I married that one. Id proly have had a kid just like him. gaw! my hair got a little gray just with the vision of it.

Hug.

[zillazangel]

For your sake, I really hope that is not him. And of course, for his sake too.

[betheny]

WTF. SISTER!??! That is fucked up for her pass the worry down to you, Jenn. She won't follow up but she emailed?

This made my forehead furrow until I got a headache/

Liverpool was a rough town when I was there. Doubt it's any better now.

Does she have reason to believe her bro had taken up sleeping in dumpsters?

ETA: Hopefully one can be heartsick AND fabulous...or else I'm just heartsick and 52. Guess what? Jake didn't od. Got coroner report. Cause of death: Unknown. (Possible fatal cardiac arrythmia.)

We can't control their fates, girl. We can only reel around until we can breathe again. In a way it will be better for you if this is David. Otherwise you'll spend the rest of your life waiting for that email. No bueno. Lovers, siblings, kids spouses...gah they pierce the armor.

ETA again-A 50 yr old alchie is maxed out on time, according to stats.

[Jim]

Hope you get good news J

[Sue Pendleton]

That truly sucks, Jen. But we can only be responsible for others as much as they will be responsible for themselves. Adults anyway.

Betheny, I'm know it doesn't help the pain of losing a child but I'm glad to here it wasn't an OD.

[sjean423]

If it is going to bug you all weekend, do you think the dispatch might have enough information to disagree with you? Ie, if you told them that the man you are worried about is "insert description" perhaps they could tell you whether you should even bother the coroner on Monday.