Another thing I need to get off my chest

[Saranoya]

... which seems to be becoming something of a pattern in my relationship with this community.

As usual, I don't know whether I should apologize for my melodramatic tendencies, or be eternally grateful that there are people here who are willing to read and even respond to my brain dumps. So as usual, I'll do both: I'm sorry, and thanks for reading on, if you decide to do so.

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I believe I've written here before about a sailing trip this summer, undertaken by the scouting group I'm part of, which I couldn't go on because the sailboat in question could not -- at all -- accommodate my wheelchair.

Three days of rowing in our own boats were tacked on at the end, in order to allow for our tradition of totemisation (giving animal names to fellow scouts that correspond to at least three positive attributes we see in them). I was there during those three days. I helped select the totems. I rowed alongside the rest of the group down the stream back to base. I helped keep watch through the night, and I was there when the happy totem recipients threw their old names into the fire, and accepted the new ones.

The morning of our arrival back home, the group gave me a cloth patch to sow onto my scouting uniform. This touched me beyond words: it was the same patch worn by all of the people (scouts worldwide) who had gone sailing on the Armada (the sea scouting version of the World Jamboree) the week before. It was as if they were saying to me: you may not have been there physically, but to us, you were still very much a part of it -- like a sporting team handing their jerseys to an injured team mate after winning a championship (well, not quite, but you get my drift).

Obviously, I much prefer to wear the badge prominently on my uniform -- not only as a physical reminder of a great three days (the rowing trip), but also because I consider it a gesture of great friendship and deep respect from the group -- something both they and I should be proud of.

Today we had our first meeting of the new school year. A few people were there who hadn't been at the Armada, nor were they there during the three days at the end -- two of them because they had chosen to go to the Jamboree instead; one because he went sailing with his parents in an entirely different part of the world. Two are teenagers, the other an adult (early twenties).

Ironically, neither of the kids seemed to have a problem with me wearing the badge (or maybe they did, but chose to shut up about it, which I have to admit is a distinct possibility). The third person did, though, and we had a short but heated argument, at the end of which she basically ordered me to take off the badge. Unfortunately for me, she can do that: within the hierarchy of our scouting unit, she is 'above' me on the totem pole.

I understand all her reasons for wanting me to take it off. That badge is universally recognized by all scouts worldwide as being worn by those who took part in the 2011 Armada, so in some ways I'm spreading a lie by wearing it. The kids who weren't there at all probably would like to wear that badge as well. After all, if I can be part of that group, why can't they? And last but not least, well ... she told me to take it off, so I should just do it and move on, right?

I can't. I just became stubbornly uncooperative when she issued her order (and yes, it was like that). At first I didn't even understand it myself: what does it matter whether I can visibly wear a tiny piece of cloth, especially if that piece of cloth means something totally different to me than it does to the rest of the world?

It shouldn't matter, but it does. It matters because it hurt -- it really, really hurt -- that I couldn't go with them on that sailboat. It may have been the first time since my knee injury -- maybe even the first time in my entire life -- that I bumped into the boundaries of what I'm physically capable of, and couldn't, for the life of me, find a way around them. Then the group, in their fashion, found a symbolic way around them; and now that's being taken away from me.

It's hitting me harder than I would have ever imagined possible. There have been plenty of times when I've been very frustrated with my body, and what it could and couldn't do; who the hell doesn't? But for the first time in my life, I now truly feel disabled -- excluded from something that I wanted to be a part of, purely because of a physical impairment.

[Cherbears]

I think once you were a part of the group and rowing plus being given the badge you should be able to keep it! I think you were able to participate as you were able to. There must be a higher up person who will let you keep the badge. I don't understand her. Cheryl

[Patton57]

All of us (even the ABs) have abilities and disabilities. When times are good (general feelings in society) most folks are optimistic and tend to look at the bright side of things (mostly people's abilities). When times are tough (general feelings in society) some folks are really pessimistic and tend to look at the dark side of things (mostly people's disabilities).

I think a lot of us with known disabilities are extra sensitive to these negative folks when resources are scarce and we think that the "group" has given us something EXTRA because we are different. These negative folks are then REALLY good at dropping a one or two liner on us that plants a nasty seed in our heads that WE insist on cultivating to its most flourishing state. And it is at this point that we see ourselves as mostly disabled. We are in dangerous territory if we go and stay there.

I think we need to quickly identify when this happens and nix it so that we don't get sucked into the abyss. I apologize in advance for the lack of conciseness here but hopefully my point is clear.

[Bonnette]

Sara, she ordered you not to wear the badge but she didn't actually take it back, did she? If you still have it, could you frame it and dispay it in your home? I know it wouldn't be the same thing, not at all, but it might be a way around having her constantly in your face. Or, as Cherbears says, you might be able to take the matter to someone higher in authority than that person.

For whatever it's worth, I think it's wrong for her to have gone ballistic over a badge you merited, and which your colleagues wanted you to have - it was the boat's problem that you couldn't sail in her, not yours!

[Random]

I admit I don't know anything about the Scouts, but I would venture that this woman's actions and attitude run directly counter to the group's ethos, while the spirit of giving you the patch would be right in line. I would think that anyone who cares about the character of the Scouts would tell this woman she was a disappointment to what you stand for. I regret not being able to find expansive enough words for your accomplishments given your challenges and the appreciation for you that your other colleagues felt, but that seems to me significantly more meaningful than your having the necessary boatbuilding skills that would've been necessary for you to accompany the group.

I think pursuing the matter on the basis of this principle of it would be a strong way to stay true to your beliefs and affirm the Scout principles. I find it hard to believe that anyone in a position of authority in the group would not find it a much stronger example to set for the youngsters.

[rdf]

Would a person who had a broken leg in a cast, but who did all the activities you did except for the actual Armada, receive the badge? If so, no problem. If not, you shouldn't wear it, iho. I'm not trying to be a meanie, so don't take it that way please. I wonder if there's any precedent you might check to see if you can wear it. If it were up to me, you could wear it 24/7 anywhere - you put in the work.

[Patrick Madsen]

Excuse me, but the group gave you the patch as a group. As Cherbears said, you rowed, you did your part. I suggest it be brought up at the next totem meeting.

As a person of Native American descent and one who follows the path of the 4 winds, I get really incensed that people take our traditions and kind of rub it in the dirt like this girl did.

It took the breath away from me thinking someone would be that insensitive . There is always one in every group CB. Thank yourself that you aren't that one. I suggest you offer to give it back at the next meeting, when asked why, you can respond with honor and what you felt when ordered to take it off. I think they will refuse and that special meaning will be even more cherished. If they do take it back, which I doubt they will, you can hold your head up high as you acted like the true scout you are.

I'm proud of you; you embelish the true meaning of the scouting tradition.

[all-buggered-up]

democratic principles applied to this would mean that the group gave it and the group should take it away, hierarchies are destructive of group cohesion. how about creating a medal that the collective group votes to award.......

[ancientgimp]

Disabilities are relative, the person who insists you remove your badge has a more severe disability than you do. Her chance for finding happiness in her life is nil. Continue to wear your badge proudly.

[darkeyed_daisy]

Continue to wear the badge. You participated to the best of your ability...let her challenge you if she has the balls. If she does, then take it to someone higher than her. It was given to you. She does not need to be a scout leader.