People who live with your disability - when they don't...

Mutley · 10-10-2010, 04:11 AM

Confusing title i know... The fact of the matter is. I am trying to figure out how to deal with a mother that thinks I still have no clue how to do the simplest of things - like buy a pair of jeans among other things.

Case in point - went to buy me some clothes when at the store she was second guessing everything i did. Like if I want the jeans to be loose or tight. FYI I like them lose cause they are easier to navigate while cathing in my chair. Mother think its a great idea to initiate a discussion while in the presence of store clerk as to why i need tighter clothing... And I am like "STFU!!! these are my pants!"

2 edged sword, I need my mother to quit it, but cant muster the strength through embarrassing annoyance to explain to her why i like em loose, with a reason she will never get anyway... Because she ain't living the dream!!!

There's my rant!! Thanks for the opportunity

Eileen · 10-10-2010, 11:49 AM

I would go for simplicity on this one. Tell your mom before you ever hit the store that your disability means you make some decisions based on ease of use and that what she considers a perfect fit doesn't matter.

LaMemChose · 10-10-2010, 01:06 PM

Leave Mother at home when you go for new clothes. Shop independently or go with a PCA or friend if you need any assistance.

Apply this to other areas of your life as needed.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

gjnl · 10-10-2010, 04:37 PM

You don't mention how old you are, but your profile indicates that you have had you injury since birth. It is no wonder that your mother thinks you need her help with everything, since she has been there with and for you for a long time. She is having trouble seeing you grow up and transitioning from her child to an adult. With or without a disability, that change is difficult for many parents as their children grow up. You do need to exert your independence and help her see your capabilities. Don't be surprised however, if this takes some time, and be prepared, if you are lucky enough to have her still with you in middle age, that every once in a while she will still treat you like her little one. Once a parent.....always a parent.

All the best,
GJ

bevanne · 10-10-2010, 05:13 PM

My son just repeats his age and says nothing else until I give up ......27.........27.....27

jody · 10-10-2010, 06:06 PM

do this,

then this,

this,

, just do your stuff for yourself, eventually they will understand. or you can get an apartment of your own, and hire an aid or two, and live happily ever after.

jody · 10-10-2010, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bevanne

My son just repeats his age and says nothing else until I give up ......27.........27.....27

oh I wish my daughter and her douche bag boyfriend would think for themselves. and just a little common sense would be cool too. he is always towering over me getting ready to ask me some stupid question about what he should wear, how to use the washing machine, every damn thing he does! he is trying to be helpless. I hate it. meanwhile he goes around making fights between my daughter and I because I think he is a whiny trouble making tattling douche bag., goes around thinking my friends are giving him dirty looks while I talk bad about him. like that is what I want to talk about when Rhett the fixit guy stops to chat!?! he is 25, and just moved in with me with my daughter, and thinks I'm his maid and mother. Now I do hate him. fucking retard.

brocko · 10-10-2010, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jody

!?! he is 25, and just moved in with me with my daughter, and thinks I'm his maid and mother. Now I do hate him. fucking retard.

Wow, he must be a difficult proposition, this is the first time I've ever heard you say something nasty about anybody. Hopefully you daughter will realize his short-comings soon.

marycsm77 · 10-10-2010, 10:26 PM

oh god, i think I can relate to just about everything that's been said in some way. Mom's we are damned if we do and damned if we don't

And in my experience some how it's always my fault, although I get an "i love u mom" most days

It's hard for any parent as gl said to know when to back off. I am 48 and I do not live with my mom, but speak with her most everyday. She usually doesn't miss an opportunity to give her opinion, remind me of things as if I were 5, and write emails if i don't respond or something. But she is always the first person i call when I am not well

betheny · 10-11-2010, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jody

oh I wish my daughter and her douche bag boyfriend would think for themselves. and just a little common sense would be cool too. he is

CLASSIC PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE: always towering over me getting ready to ask me some stupid question about what he should wear, how to use the washing machine, every damn thing he does! he is trying to be helpless. I hate it. meanwhile he goes around making fights between my daughter and I because I think he is a whiny trouble making tattling douche bag.,

PARANOID! goes around thinking my friends are giving him dirty looks while I talk bad about him. like that is what I want to talk about when Rhett the fixit guy stops to chat!?! he is 25...

thinks I'm his maid and mother. Now I do hate him. fucking retard.

You need him gone, he is disrupting your aura. Gonna skeer your frogs!

10-10-2010, 04:11 AM	#1
Mutley Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Wrong side of the Black Stump, Australia Posts: 148	People who live with your disability - when they don't... Confusing title i know... The fact of the matter is. I am trying to figure out how to deal with a mother that thinks I still have no clue how to do the simplest of things - like buy a pair of jeans among other things. Case in point - went to buy me some clothes when at the store she was second guessing everything i did. Like if I want the jeans to be loose or tight. FYI I like them lose cause they are easier to navigate while cathing in my chair. Mother think its a great idea to initiate a discussion while in the presence of store clerk as to why i need tighter clothing... And I am like "STFU!!! these are my pants!" 2 edged sword, I need my mother to quit it, but cant muster the strength through embarrassing annoyance to explain to her why i like em loose, with a reason she will never get anyway... Because she ain't living the dream!!! There's my rant!! Thanks for the opportunity

10-10-2010, 06:06 PM	#6
jody Moderator Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: east o the southern warren Posts: 7,794	do this,then this,this,, just do your stuff for yourself, eventually they will understand. or you can get an apartment of your own, and hire an aid or two, and live happily ever after.

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10-10-2010, 11:49 AM	#2
Eileen Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: last house on the left Posts: 9,796	I would go for simplicity on this one. Tell your mom before you ever hit the store that your disability means you make some decisions based on ease of use and that what she considers a perfect fit doesn't matter.

10-10-2010, 01:06 PM	#3
LaMemChose Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 10,936	Leave Mother at home when you go for new clothes. Shop independently or go with a PCA or friend if you need any assistance. Apply this to other areas of your life as needed. Lather, rinse, repeat.

10-10-2010, 04:37 PM	#4
gjnl Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 5,044	You don't mention how old you are, but your profile indicates that you have had you injury since birth. It is no wonder that your mother thinks you need her help with everything, since she has been there with and for you for a long time. She is having trouble seeing you grow up and transitioning from her child to an adult. With or without a disability, that change is difficult for many parents as their children grow up. You do need to exert your independence and help her see your capabilities. Don't be surprised however, if this takes some time, and be prepared, if you are lucky enough to have her still with you in middle age, that every once in a while she will still treat you like her little one. Once a parent.....always a parent. All the best, GJ

10-10-2010, 05:13 PM	#5
bevanne Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 4	My son just repeats his age and says nothing else until I give up ......27.........27.....27

10-10-2010, 10:26 PM	#9
marycsm77 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 2,298	oh god, i think I can relate to just about everything that's been said in some way. Mom's we are damned if we do and damned if we don't And in my experience some how it's always my fault, although I get an "i love u mom" most days It's hard for any parent as gl said to know when to back off. I am 48 and I do not live with my mom, but speak with her most everyday. She usually doesn't miss an opportunity to give her opinion, remind me of things as if I were 5, and write emails if i don't respond or something. But she is always the first person i call when I am not well