Not Sure what to do

[Ashley]

So I have an attendant that has been working for me for over 3 years and as far as the job she does, I have no complaints about. She's trustworthy, reliable, and efficient. But recently a whole bunch of awkwardness has come about in the open and it just frustrates me and makes me kind of uncomfortable to be around her. What it all boils down to is that she is a very insecure person and the type that always interprets things to be negative when they're really neutral.
For example, she helps wash my clothes but my other attendant only does towels because this person doesn't know the specifics of what I hang dry versus put in the dryer, etc. and it works fine. The insecure attendant will tell me she thinks I'm mad at her for doing my clothes when I didn't ask her to because my other attendant doesn't do them so she thinks I don't want her to do them? She also thinks I'm mad when she disciplines my dogs around me.
I've told her umpteen times that i'm happy with her work and that we get along great, but she just reads into things as me always being angry with her. I've asked her what specifically i've done to make her think that and she says it's looks I give or my tone of voice. It makes no sense to me because i have never even considered being mad about the things she brings up. It's like she's trying to create problems that aren't there by bringing them up. It just frustrates me and hurts my feelings and I don't know where to go from here. Since i've known her she brings things up like this from time to time and i always assure her im fine and not mad but then something else comes up in her head eventually. She does a great job and i dont really wanna find someone else, however i strongly try to avoid drama and this is getting ridiculous. Any advice or seeing something I'm not please chime in!

[kkmay]

A good worker yet strange personality. I'll keep the good worker until I am overwhelmed with her antics. Finding good help is hard.

[dan_nc]

You mentioned that it is "recently a whole bunch of awkwardness has come about in the open." Was this never a problem before and just recently come up? How do these awkward conversations come about?

Sometimes some workers just need appropriate feedback on the quality of their work; and if they perceive that they aren't receiving the feedback, they could get anxious. If the attendant is still working out well after 3 years, it may be worth it to try to resolve the issue.

[Eileen]

It does sound like she is dealing with a boatload of insecurity. Maybe some proactive compliments might help? Even if it seems silly to you saying something such as "I am lucky to have you as a caregiver" might go a very long way, and if she is a good worker it is worth saying for both your sakes.

[gurly2356]

Maybe you need to show her a little better how much you appreciate her to give her that assurance. Compliments & even doing something for her every now and again. I don't have an attendant myself, but I hear on the boards how hard it is to find someone reliable.

[quad79]

If she's reliable & good, I say do every thing to keep her. Extra compliments, cards etc. First though, a good talk would help.

It's so difficult to find someone good, so that's where I'm coming from. You never know what you'll end up if she's gone, ya know..Good luck.

[Ashley]

Originally Posted by dan_nc

You mentioned that it is "recently a whole bunch of awkwardness has come about in the open." Was this never a problem before and just recently come up? How do these awkward conversations come about?

Well, yesterday she brought up a conversation we had where we discussed upcoming hours for her and my other attendant. The insecure attendant just had a very serious back surgery and was out for 5 months and now started back again and has only been working 3 days a week. She said it was up to me who i wanted to work when and i've told her numerous times before that it doesn't matter to me who works when and when she feels up to it she can come back full time, i just need someone to depend on. She took that personally and said i offended her when i said i didnt care who it was and that i was calling her unreliable. This kind of set me off and i told her it seems like she's always reading into things negatively and so yesterday was the first time we really talked openly about how i feel when she accusses me of being mad or rude or whatever. When she brought up her perceptions before I just assured her i was fine and didn't tell her how it made me feel to be constantly accused of being mad at her. It was just an awkward conversation because i was upset and frustrated and couldn't say things the way i wanted to.

Now today she came to work and everything seemed normal and resolved, but she emailed my mom without telling me and said we all need to get together and talk about things before sunday (which is the end of the pay period for attendant services through my ILC) I have a feeling she will want to quit. It's just weird she writes my mom and won't talk to me about it in person.

[Ashley]

i have complimented her and said thanks so many times, ive treated her like a part of my family and she still second-guesses me, so that is why i'm frustrated because I feel like i do all i can to help the situation.

[SCIfor55yrs.]

It makes me wonder if you are getting some carry over from another relationship or experience she had. But then again, I have a 50 something woman who helps me to transfer on and off the commode to spare my shoulders some trauma and for safety in my old age. Several times she has asked me if I do not trust her to do more for me. I have explained several times that I can do everything else and just like to be as independent as I can. That is what I told her I needed when I hired her, but she just does not buy it. We go through this ritual discussion about once a month. lol My wife has tried to convince her also, without success. I have 2 others that rotate during the month, and to them, it is not a big deal. Their attitude is, "just tell me if you need something else. I am here to help."

[Liz321]

After 25 years of crazed, normal, semi-normal people in and out I wish I could tell you it gets easier.
The only behavior you can effect is your own.
emailing your mom when your the employer is unacceptable. That being said I have had many things I've held my tongue @ so I could take a crap...

Feels as if she wants out w/o being the "bad" guy.