I hope I can do this :( ....

Obieone · 02-02-2006, 10:11 PM

Bill's back pain has been extra bad lately .... he had a uti but its under control now so its not that ... he's on a 25mg fentanyl patch every three days along with 30mg oxycontin daily ... doesn't seem to be working ... he also takes 30mg daily of Paxil ... but I believe he's extra depressed because of the extra pain ... his doctor agrees ...

Life is pretty "normal" around here other than that .. except for the fact that it's the DEAD OF WINTER which probably accounts for Bill's more than usual depression .... okay .. here's the catch ... I have an opportunity to go to Arizona for 5 almost whole days to see my Mom and her husband (they snowbird to Phoenix every winter) with my youngest sister who very generously offered me her hubby's air ticket cause he can't go now. I can get time off work, Julie will be home so I know things will be taken care of here .... I want to be excited and I realize I need to go but I am having a really hard time getting past the guilt ... its an evil little demon

.. that guilt thing ... I wish so badly that Bill and I could just hop on that plane and the "two" of us go but .. 1. we couldn't afford it and 2. Bill isn't that adventurous ... if my sis hadn't offered the airfare I wouldn't be going at all .... this situation has dredged up all kinds of feelings I thought I had dealt with .. like the anger

.... I guess I'm still really pissed that this happened to us .. and I'm still just so frickin' sad

.... will we ever get over the sadness and the madness

...

Obieone

.. and then of course I read what some of you all are going through (especially you parents) .... and I feel guilty for even feeling sorry for myself

.... there are so many of you that have so much more to deal with than I .... I'm just fed up with it all

... I thank god for the cure advocates we have here at CC .. they are always in my prayers ....

LaMemChose · 02-02-2006, 10:18 PM

Obieone,

I'm not an SCI caregiver like you, but what you've written describing your feelings seems kinda normal.

Going on this trip and taking a break may help you to be a better, re-energized caregiver. Even in a relationship without SCI, the occasional vacation or short trip apart seems to be good for both parties.

I hope you go and I hope you have a great time.

Let us know how your trip goes.

Mem

1 Fine Spine RN · 02-02-2006, 10:32 PM

OBIE,

If it was me, you would tell me to go, so I am telling you to go...and enjoy it and rest and re-energize. Remember its all about energy and in order to be your best you have to take time for you. I think...someone told me that...oh yeah...it was YOU!!!!!

Love,
Mary

lilsister · 02-02-2006, 11:14 PM

You NEED to go! It will help both of you. It sounds like maybe Bill wouldn't have gone, even if he was feeling better("not the adventurous type..."), but would expect and want you to go. It would probably be hurtful to him if you didn't use this gift from your sister, induce guilt. He will benefit from your infusion of energy and it will give ya'll lots to talk about on those long winter nights, that's priceless ya know. Go, rest, soak up some rays and bring him back a smile and lots of juicy gossip and love. Deb

john smith · 02-03-2006, 12:16 AM

Obi;

You go girl! This will be good for you and for Bill. Enjoy yourself, your sis and other family members. Plus, it will make me feel better too! You go...

John

teesieme · 02-03-2006, 01:01 AM

Yep, you should go! If you've someone you trust to be there for Bill, there's no excuse~ you probably need it more than you realize. I hope you do and you have a most wonderful time!

Rbrauer · 02-03-2006, 09:41 AM

Go GO GO!

Can Bill play games on a PC or anything? Sometimes focusing on something else helps a ton.

McDuff · 02-03-2006, 09:53 AM

Yep, definitely go. My wife got to go off on a week sojourn w/ a friend and came back in such a better frame of mind. Everyone needs some time off.

I'm sure Bill would be happy for you, I was for my wife, she got to go somewhere she thoroughly enjoyed and I wouldn't have wanted to go anyway. Plus everyone needs some time apart, having the house to myself(except for the pca times we arranged) was kinda cool.

Just take lots of pics and come back and enjoy it all again, showing them to him. Drop the guilt and go.

bob clark · 02-03-2006, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rbrauer

Go GO GO!

Can Bill play games on a PC or anything? Sometimes focusing on something else helps a ton.

And there are many different adaptive game controllers on the market. If Bill would like to play video games but can't operate the standard game controllers let us know his arm and/or hand limitations and hopefully we'll be able to find one that he can use.

Go to Arizona. As soon as I noticed that you were from Manitoba, Canada I was convinced that you MUST go! I'm in Florida and though it's raining here right now I have the windows and back door wide open.

lynnifer · 02-03-2006, 09:58 AM

Go - and take pictures for the rest of us ccccccold Canadians!

02-02-2006, 10:11 PM	#1
Obieone Moderator Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Manitoba,Canada Posts: 5,602	I hope I can do this :( .... Bill's back pain has been extra bad lately .... he had a uti but its under control now so its not that ... he's on a 25mg fentanyl patch every three days along with 30mg oxycontin daily ... doesn't seem to be working ... he also takes 30mg daily of Paxil ... but I believe he's extra depressed because of the extra pain ... his doctor agrees ... Life is pretty "normal" around here other than that .. except for the fact that it's the DEAD OF WINTER which probably accounts for Bill's more than usual depression .... okay .. here's the catch ... I have an opportunity to go to Arizona for 5 almost whole days to see my Mom and her husband (they snowbird to Phoenix every winter) with my youngest sister who very generously offered me her hubby's air ticket cause he can't go now. I can get time off work, Julie will be home so I know things will be taken care of here .... I want to be excited and I realize I need to go but I am having a really hard time getting past the guilt ... its an evil little demon .. that guilt thing ... I wish so badly that Bill and I could just hop on that plane and the "two" of us go but .. 1. we couldn't afford it and 2. Bill isn't that adventurous ... if my sis hadn't offered the airfare I wouldn't be going at all .... this situation has dredged up all kinds of feelings I thought I had dealt with .. like the anger .... I guess I'm still really pissed that this happened to us .. and I'm still just so frickin' sad .... will we ever get over the sadness and the madness ... Obieone .. and then of course I read what some of you all are going through (especially you parents) .... and I feel guilty for even feeling sorry for myself .... there are so many of you that have so much more to deal with than I .... I'm just fed up with it all ... I thank god for the cure advocates we have here at CC .. they are always in my prayers .... __________________ ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..." Jane Siberry

02-02-2006, 10:18 PM	#2
LaMemChose Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 10,936	Obieone, I'm not an SCI caregiver like you, but what you've written describing your feelings seems kinda normal. Going on this trip and taking a break may help you to be a better, re-energized caregiver. Even in a relationship without SCI, the occasional vacation or short trip apart seems to be good for both parties. I hope you go and I hope you have a great time. Let us know how your trip goes. Mem Last edited by LaMemChose; 02-02-2006 at 10:50 PM.

02-02-2006, 10:32 PM	#3
1 Fine Spine RN Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Ashburn, VA Posts: 4,447	OBIE, If it was me, you would tell me to go, so I am telling you to go...and enjoy it and rest and re-energize. Remember its all about energy and in order to be your best you have to take time for you. I think...someone told me that...oh yeah...it was YOU!!!!! Love, Mary __________________ 1FineSpineRN

02-02-2006, 11:14 PM	#4
lilsister Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Madison,Wisconsin, USA Posts: 1,481	Obi, You NEED to go! It will help both of you. It sounds like maybe Bill wouldn't have gone, even if he was feeling better("not the adventurous type..."), but would expect and want you to go. It would probably be hurtful to him if you didn't use this gift from your sister, induce guilt. He will benefit from your infusion of energy and it will give ya'll lots to talk about on those long winter nights, that's priceless ya know. Go, rest, soak up some rays and bring him back a smile and lots of juicy gossip and love. Deb

02-03-2006, 12:16 AM	#5
john smith Moderator Join Date: May 2003 Location: Hood River, OR USA Posts: 1,877	Obi; You go girl! This will be good for you and for Bill. Enjoy yourself, your sis and other family members. Plus, it will make me feel better too! You go... John __________________ "Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence." Lin Yutang

02-03-2006, 01:01 AM	#6
teesieme Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: back home in mn. Posts: 1,252	Yep, you should go! If you've someone you trust to be there for Bill, there's no excuse~ you probably need it more than you realize. I hope you do and you have a most wonderful time! __________________ "I want to make a difference! However small it may be~ as long as it's a positive one, then this is what my life will have been about and I will go knowing I did my best.~ T.

02-03-2006, 09:41 AM	#7
Rbrauer Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Lewisville Tx Posts: 1,311	Go GO GO! Can Bill play games on a PC or anything? Sometimes focusing on something else helps a ton. __________________ Rick Brauer or just call me - Mr B http://www.riseadventures.org

02-03-2006, 09:53 AM	#8
McDuff Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas area, Tx Posts: 3,248	Yep, definitely go. My wife got to go off on a week sojourn w/ a friend and came back in such a better frame of mind. Everyone needs some time off. I'm sure Bill would be happy for you, I was for my wife, she got to go somewhere she thoroughly enjoyed and I wouldn't have wanted to go anyway. Plus everyone needs some time apart, having the house to myself(except for the pca times we arranged) was kinda cool. Just take lots of pics and come back and enjoy it all again, showing them to him. Drop the guilt and go. __________________ "a T10, who'd Rather be ridin'; than rollin'"

02-03-2006, 09:58 AM	#10
lynnifer Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Windsor ON Canada Posts: 15,305	Go - and take pictures for the rest of us ccccccold Canadians! __________________ I think over again my small adventures, My fears, Those small ones that seemed so big, For all the vital things I had to get and to reach; And yet there is only one great thing, The only thing, To live to see the great day that dawns And the light that fills the world. Anonymous (Inuit, 19th century) T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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