"Friends"

[Rustyjames]

Before my injury, I had tons of friends, I've always lived by myself and people were always over. When I was in the hospital and rehab(3 months)people would drive an hour to come visit. Now, friends(some I grew up with, 37 years)live around the corner, don't even call! I don't ask them for anything either(never would). Now that I realize how shallow they are I really don't care.

Can anyone relate?

[Curt Leatherbee]

The Disappearing friend syndrome, pretty common with SCI.

Within the last half year though I have become friends with lots of other Paras and Quads and it feels great to have true friends again. Getting involved in the Handcycling groups has been great for me. There are lots of groups of interest also that involve other disabled folks that you could join and meet a new circle of friends. I have really found that with most a/b's that they just don't understand why we are like we are, so they just stay clear of us. Best to make new friends.

[Scorpion]

I wouldn't limit making new friends to others with disabilities. In fact, I only have one true friend since SCI that is also disabled. The other true friends I've added are all A/Bs. But then, I've never been one to fit into one particular 'clique.'

In the end, most of the people we call 'friends' are really just aquaintances who share our company because of a similar interest. I say, if they bailed, I didn't need them anyway. Sure, I miss some of them, but the true friends stuck by me despite my paralysis. My Dad once said a long time ago (pre-SCI) that if you can count your true friends on more than one hand, you are truly blessed.

Find friends who share common interests and beliefs, regardless of whether they're A/B or disabled. No offense meant to Curtis, as his advice is valuable, but I think too many people with SCI hang out with other gimps because misery loves company or because 'A/Bs don't understand.' Of course, they don't understand, and I hope they never will fully understand, because only paralysis would allow them to

Friendship is a two-way street, and if your so-called friends aren't holding up their end of the friendship for whatever reason, move on. Life's too short.

[joyt]

it is amazing how 'friends' vanish, but people you'd never thought twice about [pre-sci] stay... taught me a great lesson about dependability.

i've remained close friends with only 2 sci people since my injury. i don't feel i'm excluding ppl; just seems to have worked out that way.

remember, you have to put yourself forward, too --

[Rick1]

While the fundamental basis for our friendships remains constant, it seems like the dynamics are always in a state of flux. I've learned to appreciate the transformation process that a lasting relationship must endure.

Rather than dwell on whether or not someone else is living up to my idea of what a good friend is, I try to put forth my own best effort toward being a good friend / son / brother / uncle, to the people that are important to me.

[rybread]

i only have 2 good friends left out of the old party bunch. i've made some better friends since. people say that you are still the same person post injury. i disagree. my outlook on everything has changed. i look at evrything differently now. not negatively, just different. its not all a game of drinking and chasing skirts for me anymore. that kind of alienates me from my friends. i look at life and getting better with what i've got. they cant wait till i get cured. oh well. life goes on.

[Jesse's Mom]

I just wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that you are SCI. Maybe it is just life and the way it goes. Same happens to me as an AB. You lose touch with old friends and make new ones as you move on with your life. To a degree, that is.

[kkmay]

I can relate to you. My friends came and visited me in the hospital, nursing home and the rehab place. And then when I came home they visit me twice and that was the end. I even got a van so I can hang out with them. But that never happened. So I guess they were never true friends to begin with. So I feel you.

[2jazzyjeff]

i can relate too.... when i was 1st injured ''everbody and their brother was there''... after things quieted down and time passed, certain ppl. disappeared. you truly find out who are your ''true'' friends... i have alot of new AB and SCI friends... would not trade any of them for the world..

what i like is the new AB friends that i have.. all they know is me in the chair, which is cool to me... they didn't know the idiot pre-SCI... but they know the post-SCI idiot... lol.

[Kristi]

I don't really recall a lot when I was first injured, but when I was feeling better was told of stories of friends/family getting kicked out of PICU because of there being too many people. It's only supposed to be family, but my parents got it so my friends could come up. At one time there was 30 people waiting to see me. Well, out of those 30 people I don't keep in contact with a one now. As I slowly started to get better they slowly started to die off. I'll be seeing a lot of them probably at a future high school reunion and tell them they can shove it.

Friends come and go and I have just a few right now that would do anything for me as I would for them. That's enough to keep me. The new ones I make now come and go and am not afraid to tell em to fuck off when the piss me off. I don't have time for it.