Using the family

[mcferguson]

I had a close family member tell me recently, "You have not been generous with the family since your accident. You have used them."


It hurt, and I don't know what to make of it.

[SCI-Nurse]

Did they mean emotionally generous (ie, saying thank you, asking instead of expecting people do things for you, etc.) or materially (money, gifts, etc.) generous?

Is this person a member of your immediate family? Did you ask them what they meant by this comment?? Does he personally feel taken advantage of by you, and if so, how???

(KLD)

[mcferguson]

They explained to me they meant that I hadn't even offered to repay family members (such as aunts and uncles and cousins) for the help they'd given me since the accident for things I couldn't do myself (like installing ceiling fans). I thanked them all whenever they helped me, but apparently it wasn't enough for this person.

[SCIfor55yrs.]

I suspect this is an uncommon expectation. I learned early on that my family and friends were insulted if I offered to pay them for helping. But the same thing holds true when they help one another. On the other hand, I always pay for any materials or other expenses involved. I get criticized for not asking for help more often.

[Sarah's Mom]

It is hard enough to ask for help as it is. Family is exactly that....they are your family - and the same for your friends. None of us expect anything in return for being there with Sarah. She lives independently and is a C6/C7. She has daily aid care and us in the evenings. I never feel like she is using me - none of us do. I get tired sometimes of course with still working fulltime during the day and all, but Sarah using me or anyone else....never! She is a very kind, caring, and giving person.

Someone has to be making their own sad judgment. I agree with SCIfor55yrs - a majority of family and friends want you to ask for their help without anything in return beside a "Thank you".

[Curt Leatherbee]

Take it with a grain of salt, they are Jealous of you because they think you have it more easy. Jealousy is a very strong emotion in a lot of people and it overides all other emotions in them in not even thinking how hard you really have it now being paralyzed.

[Patton57]

Originally Posted by mcferguson

I had a close family member tell me recently, "You have not been generous with the family since your accident. You have used them."


It hurt, and I don't know what to make of it.

Are you sitting on some money and some of the family members that helped you struggling financially? Money makes people say hurtful things.

[Timaru]

Originally Posted by mcferguson

They explained to me they meant that I hadn't even offered to repay family members (such as aunts and uncles and cousins) for the help they'd given me since the accident for things I couldn't do myself (like installing ceiling fans). I thanked them all whenever they helped me, but apparently it wasn't enough for this person.

If you asked around your family I think you'd soon discover that this person was speaking for themselves.

[baldfatdad]

You're doing it wrong. Ceiling fan= a six pack.
Painting anything= a case (everyone hates painting)
Chocolate for the ladies.
I had to teach my 80+ mom this stuff, cause I don't live near her to take care of her car. She now picks her car up, pays the bill and leaves cookies, cake. Her mechanic loves her Elvis pound cake.
Maybe we should make a list?