quackery, tomfoolery and wacky family

[bollefen]

Wacky first

So i get down to see my folks for CHristmas. 8 Brothers and we've had a dead pool for 15 years, annual contribution til a winner. So of course one of them takes me aside and ask if this is the year I'll off myself, needs the money. wtf another buys me a win for life lottery ticket, says hey if you're getting $$$ every year you'll hang around.

Tomfoolery and quackery. I gues you all know I'm a declining suicidal SCI Central Pain gimp. Wife takes me to see a movie about tapping. Now she's relentless. in the movie a bunch of low pain level and social misfit whiners tap themselves into new lives.

But wtf, gonna try it. been soooo bad the past 2 weeks been chatting with the dark angels.

also going to try a new yoga that my naturopathic son thinks may help some ( at least he gets that I'm fucked and is looking for a little relief from my misery not a major cure)

so i'll spend Jan Feb alternating between screaming and puking from te pain, tapping and mumbling like my poor dementia neighbor and attempting to manipulate my frozen body into a pretzel.

Cass aked about mental stability?? I've come to the realization i actually have lost it.

Oh and i'm drinking waaaaay to much, just can't manage the pain anymore.

New years resolution. hahaha. I'm going to contort and tap my way so well I'll likely be a write in president and bring peace to the world!!

oh and if anyone is still reading (doh why??) Saw Warhorse. wtf haven't had nightmares about Nam in decades but this movie caught the carnage of war. The volume was turned up that the shellings were un-nervingly real. All we need is smell o vision for the cordite and stink of death and someone will win an academy award for it.

rant over.

fuck my life, i want to die, but maybe not til October, would like one more summer to ogle youth and remember and perchance to dream.

absurdly yours

ket

p.s. told my brother definitely this year and he smiled said thanks but confirmed he'd miss me and could he have my good watch.

the bottle is calling me early today so going to chat with Jack Daniels and friends

tap tap tap mumble save the cheerleader no fix the pain save the world