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Thread: New Quad Father (Desperately) Needs Advice

  1. #1
    Senior Member SurfCat's Avatar
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    New Quad Father (Desperately) Needs Advice

    I'm a married C5/6 who last summer 7/7/07 had his first baby...a perfect boy who miraculously weighed 7 lb. 7 oz!

    Fatherhood in a chair and without much use of hands is not an easy undertaking for anyone, but what I didn't expect was how emotionally grueling it would be to... (count the ways) not be able to pick him up when crying, not be able to get on floor and show him how to (fill in blank), and probably the hardest for a touchy-feely loverboy like myself not be able to really hold and snuggle him.

    In addition and possibly because of the above, he is now 100% attached to my wife due to crazy separation anxiety. This means he cries most times he is left with poor dad.

    My heart is just aching to care for, be close to my son more often. Are there any dad's that have "rolled" this path before and could help this struggling newbie out.

    Thanks for listening.
    "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will RUN and not grow weary, they will WALK and not be faint."
    Isaiah 40:29-31

  2. #2
    I'm a mom who knows how you feel. I was pretty depressed after having my first daughter in 2003, I didn't do much of her care and felt emotionally devastated. My suggestion is to spend as much time as possible with your son, do what you physically can and it will get easier as he gets older and you can read to him, color, etc.
    I had my second daughter 3 months ago and am much more involved and capable (braver?) and much happier.
    Emily, C-8 sensory incomplete mom to a 8 year old and a preschooler. TEN! years post.

  3. #3
    Senior Member SurfCat's Avatar
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    Thank you so much for replying so quickly emi. I know I need to trust God it will get better, but that's easier said. I do take comfort from moms in my same situation because the desire to care 'hands-on' must be so intense I can't imagine. If you guys can make it successfully thru, I must be able.

    God Bless...your kiddies are beautiful!
    "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will RUN and not grow weary, they will WALK and not be faint."
    Isaiah 40:29-31

  4. #4
    Senior Member skippy13's Avatar
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    Can you get one of those front pack things and just let him hang with you? Body to body touching is good and comforting to an infant, before he gets too big to do this with that is.

  5. #5
    I agree. A "Snuggly" or other front soft pack, or even a belt around baby and you will allow you to move around with the baby on your lap. I was just visiting today with one of my clients and his 18 month old...Dad has a C5 injury and uses a power chair, but they rolled into my office to visit and the baby was not only very cute but obviously very physically attached to his dad.

    Baby overalls are a good idea for clothing. You can slip a hand and arm under the straps and pick the baby up if you have decent biceps, although perhaps not all the way from the floor.

    (KLD)

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    That is why I wish not to have any children.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by kkmay
    That is why I wish not to have any children.
    Oh but they are still sooooo rewarding and worth it! I am a better mom than most and my daughters are not suffering in any way by me being disabled, on the contrary they are going to grow up to be strong, independent, accepting, empathetic women.
    Emily, C-8 sensory incomplete mom to a 8 year old and a preschooler. TEN! years post.

  8. #8

    SurfCat, congrats on the little one...

    I'm trying to have a child...it's the craziness of a wait and see if I can that's driving me crazy... ...lol...

  9. #9
    SurfCat, I'm not a quad but do agree with Emi about doing as much as is possible with your baby. Also, I would like to suggest that even if you may not be able to feel him in your arms, it might be a good idea for him to be put in your arms so he can feel you. Is it possible for your wife to somehow fix some pillows or something that will hold your arms in a position that he would be laying in your arms? Hope you are not offended by my suggestion, I would only like to help you and your baby in some way. Forgive if I do offend you.

    When my children were little, I would sit them on my lap too even if I could not feel them on my legs. The closeness I believe also helps you to bond with your child more. Also want to say congratulations and you have been blessed to have your child.

    Raven

  10. #10
    That child of yours sure had the number 7 in mind when he arrived! LOL!

    No real advice and I am not sci, but just sitting here thinking that your Son already has something a lot of children never see...a Dad who loves him so much that he wants to give the best there is to give...his TIME...and his love.

    You are already on the right track, whether you think so or not...

    Some good suggestions have been made here... I liked KLD's suggestions, but it might be wise to check the safety of the overall fasteners at the bib part before proceeding to try to move your Son.

    I am so totally sure that you would do this anyhow...but then again you are not the only one who might try this...

    Also adding my congratulations to Raven's above...and sending a few prayers your way!

    God bless you and your family!

    Teena

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