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Thread: just a little ranting to clear my head...

  1. #21
    Maybe this isn't possible, but can you hire someone (high school kid, maybe) to come help you clean? Priorities need to be set for this particular crisis, and even a 12 year old that needs some money would be better than no help at all. I would HATE for your mom to come home to the disaster you're describing. I can't think of anything more depressing.

    Or maybe a kid to babysit, while you crack the whip on the breeders? It's no fun and you shouldn't have to do it. Sounds like you're gonna have to, though, if you ask me. What is really pissing me off is the spaghetti on the floor. I've had the spaghetti get away from me and my kids, it's hard to clean it up from the chair.

    I understand why you would be embarrassed to have casual friends over.

    And WHERE is your dad in this fiasco? I ask because my dad or even my husband would have snatched the whole bunch baldheaded and sold their hair by now LOL.

    I'm so sorry. I wish I could go over and set some boundaries for you. I have adult kids that ride roughshod over me too but Lord, there would be hell to pay if they tried to disrupt my environment that badly.

  2. #22
    My dad passed away years ago. This would of never happened when he was alive, trust me.
    Well, they are starting to try to go back to the usual ways, yesterday my brother left the 18 month old here while running errands(LOL)
    He left at 3pm, came back at 10pm. where he was going closed at 5pm.
    He was here 20 minutes and left again. I had gone to bed when i heard him come in because i didn't feel like fighting with him. Didn't know he left again.
    Haven't seen the mother (if you can call her one) in a few days. Some cash came up missing that I had put in a drawer in my bedroom. not alot, but he had confronted her on it, and she said it was one of the kids. doesn't explain why the girls told us she went and used it to buy gas. If you knew your kid took something, you return it,right?
    My other brother and his GF came over last night and waited till 9pm to confront him about leaving mom with the baby, but left before he came. The baby was asleep, or they would of taken him, I saw no use at that point.
    Oh, he dumped oatmeal yesterday,lucky for me that i can vacume.
    me...crack a whip...oy. I can barely crack a joke.
    Deborah

  3. #23
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    I think that what you need at this point is a short-barreled shotgun and/or a call to the police with an order to leave your house in peace and don't ever come back. Get a restraining order for good measure to make it all legal, but keep in mind that's just a piece of paper and the scattergun is business.

    You and your son don't deserve to put up with this kinda BS.

    Tom

  4. #24
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    No advice. I just wanted to let you know that I am listening. I hope things can be worked out soon so that you and your son have a safe and peaceful enviroment to live in.

  5. #25
    My mom is back in the hospital. I had to call for the ambulance yesterday. One May1st, she had her staples removed, all seemed fine. But on the 2nd, she woke to having some pain. As the day went on it got worse, till she was doubling over and throwing up.
    After getting her there and getting x-rays, they found another blockage. They didn't do surgery last night, but the Dr. is supposed to be in this morning to check out everything. They said it was a 'partial blockage' this time. Since it's been only a few weeks since she was opened up, you would think they would of noticed it.
    She said it hurt worse than the first time. So it looks like we're back to square one.
    The paramedics asked me why I didn't take her myself. I told them I didn't think I could get her to the van, get her in,and drive there while she was screaming and throwing up. I get antsy driving as is.
    Geesh! Besides, when I took her the first time, they let her sit in the waiting room for hrs before they got her a bed. This way, she got back right away.
    Deborah

  6. #26
    I know people don't like to hear it, but sometimes foster care really is the best alternative, especially if the kids can just remain in care and not keep going back to chaotic family, then back into care, back to bio family, etc. The children can have the stability of being with a foster family, have a free attorney and CINA worker to help support them, and maintain a relationship with bio family to the extent bio family is capable. I've been a foster parent and we're not all as bad as ya think! Even if the bio parents are too out of control to maintain contact, you can still be there for the kids for visits, overnights, but not have to run yourself ragged-- which isn't good for the kids or you. Foster care isn't perfect, but beats a life of chaos!

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by s-i-l
    I know people don't like to hear it, but sometimes foster care really is the best alternative, especially if the kids can just remain in care and not keep going back to chaotic family, then back into care, back to bio family, etc. The children can have the stability of being with a foster family, have a free attorney and CINA worker to help support them, and maintain a relationship with bio family to the extent bio family is capable. I've been a foster parent and we're not all as bad as ya think! Even if the bio parents are too out of control to maintain contact, you can still be there for the kids for visits, overnights, but not have to run yourself ragged-- which isn't good for the kids or you. Foster care isn't perfect, but beats a life of chaos!
    Trust me, I agree whole heartedly. I think fostercare is the best idea for the kids,but the reaction my mom has had everytime they have been taken was horrific. one of the kids they had was actually place perm. with a foster family and adopted a few years back. They now claim they were tricked. But since this 'breeder' had had 5 other kids placed before these kids, i assume she knew exactly what she was signing. My brother on the otherhand is a little on the 'simple' side, and doesn't have the reading/comp. skills.
    I get pissed off because i always thought if you 'can't feed 'em don't breed 'em' . to hear them say things like 'i love my kids but my nerves can't deal with them' annoy the hell out of me. Why did you have them then? your adults. they have had birth control for decades. condoms for 100's of years. use them!
    (I have had my son,plus 3 of the kids here all weekend. One of the girls have a stomach thing,vomit and poop everywhere. poor kid. shes 4- her dad keeps gagging,and finds exuses to leave me in the house with all of them.)
    Deborah

  8. #28
    Sounds like you are putting up with this because you don't want your Mom to have a bad reaction to the children being placed in foster care, but that is not what is important here. The important thing is what is best for the children. Nothing else. Call child and family services and get the ball rolling. Meanwhile, no one can take advantage of you without your permission. What about the welfare of your own child? He should be your first priority. Making sure that his day to day environment is as good as you can make it. You are not doing that. You are doing this for all the wrong reasons. Don't be a martyr here. Do what you need to do for the benefit of all the children involved. How your Mom might react to this is NOT the issue. JMO

  9. #29
    You are more concerned about your Mom's reaction than in what is in the best interest of the kids. This is about those children, not her or your brother or anyone else.

    As for calling your brother's g/f the "breeder", it took him breeding with her to have those children. She is no more responsible for birth control than he is. He is just as much the "breeder". From what you write, he is abandoning those children even when he is in the same house. You don't have to leave in a vehicle to leave.

    You are blaming the woman for having had children and that is inconsequential now. Those children are here. It has already happened. Instead of directing your anger at her, figure a way into a more stable situation for you and your son. With your son's autism, this chaotic situation has to be horrid for him and borders on abusive because he does not have the stability and dare I say it -- quiet -- he needs to function at his best.

    Do what you must to get those children in a better situation. Their mother is not the only one neglecting and abandoning them. Your brother is, too, and he is their father. He is just as much neglectful and abandoning.

    Move now to a more quiet and stable home of your own. Call Child Protective Services immediately for those kids. If your Mom has health problems, she can get a Life Alert when you leave. The "breeders" (your brother and his g/f) can do whatever it is they do and you're out of it and into your own life.

    You have more control than you think. Instead of blaming others for this situation and how things are for you, do what you can and take action to change it. It is not their fault you are doing what you are and living as you are.



    Quote Originally Posted by VIRGO1970
    Trust me, I agree whole heartedly. I think fostercare is the best idea for the kids,but the reaction my mom has had everytime they have been taken was horrific. one of the kids they had was actually place perm. with a foster family and adopted a few years back. They now claim they were tricked. But since this 'breeder' had had 5 other kids placed before these kids, i assume she knew exactly what she was signing. My brother on the otherhand is a little on the 'simple' side, and doesn't have the reading/comp. skills.
    I get pissed off because i always thought if you 'can't feed 'em don't breed 'em' . to hear them say things like 'i love my kids but my nerves can't deal with them' annoy the hell out of me. Why did you have them then? your adults. they have had birth control for decades. condoms for 100's of years. use them!
    (I have had my son,plus 3 of the kids here all weekend. One of the girls have a stomach thing,vomit and poop everywhere. poor kid. shes 4- her dad keeps gagging,and finds exuses to leave me in the house with all of them.)

  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by LaMemChose
    You are more concerned about your Mom's reaction than in what is in the best interest of the kids. This is about those children, not her or your brother or anyone else.

    As for calling your brother's g/f the "breeder", it took him breeding with her to have those children. She is no more responsible for birth control than he is. He is just as much the "breeder". From what you write, he is abandoning those children even when he is in the same house. You don't have to leave in a vehicle to leave.

    You are blaming the woman for having had children and that is inconsequential now. Those children are here. It has already happened. Instead of directing your anger at her, figure a way into a more stable situation for you and your son. With your son's autism, this chaotic situation has to be horrid for him and borders on abusive because he does not have the stability and dare I say it -- quiet -- he needs to function at his best.

    Do what you must to get those children in a better situation. Their mother is not the only one neglecting and abandoning them. Your brother is, too, and he is their father. He is just as much neglectful and abandoning.

    Move now to a more quiet and stable home of your own. Call Child Protective Services immediately for those kids. If your Mom has health problems, she can get a Life Alert when you leave. The "breeders" (your brother and his g/f) can do whatever it is they do and you're out of it and into your own life.

    You have more control than you think. Instead of blaming others for this situation and how things are for you, do what you can and take action to change it. It is not their fault you are doing what you are and living as you are.
    Respectfully, this is just a frustrating rant. I am writing to vent my feelings here,ureasonable as they seem to be. It mybe childish to do so,but it seems to help others when they voice thier problems.
    I really am not trying to do the 'poor me' thing here.
    I call her 'breeder' based on her history of having children from multible men to further her situation. Then when they became a liability,she has left them to move on with another guy and a new baby. There are harsher things I could say about her,but I was trying to be nice. I know also that my brother is as much to blame,and have said as much. BTW,not all the kids here are his.
    Childrens services are already there. Though no calls by me. I stay out of that. Getting their kids in a better situation is up to CS and them.
    My son is my first priority,never doubt that for a minute. I have given up (gladly) things you would not begin to understand just to have him. I keep him away from them,and try my best to keep him calm and happy. He is doing good in school,clean, fed, and loved. I remove him from any situations that would upset him.
    My mother is in the hospital, we do not know if she'll even survive her health problems, there is no way in hell I'm going to give her a beeper and just leave. Besides raising me, she has dedicated the last 16 years to taking care of me and my child. Now she needs me. I think that would be unfeeling and selfish of me to do that.
    Yes, I am concerned about her reaction. The last time I argued with them in front of her she had a major stroke. I will not be a party to killing her.
    Deborah

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