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Thread: Admitting I need help too.

  1. #11
    Jenny, I'm so sorry; you have quite a plate full. Being a nurse, I'm sure that part of you thought that you could 'handle' it all; but that's just not the case, no matter who we are! We've all had meltdowns; in our own ways, but meltdowns nonetheless. So please don't feel like you're alone. You're just one more casualty in this awful war of SCI we're in.

    I do agree with everyone that your 'best' first step is to go to the EAP folks at work; I assume this is a hospital? Believe me, they're well aware of substance problems in staff, and will support you with no judgement. As for anyone else who might want to 'judge' you, they're not worth it. Don't waste your time worrying about what they may think, or they win the battle, not you.

    It's your life, not theirs. It's the life and substance of your family that you're fighting for, not theirs. So tell 'em all to - well, you know!

    And as you begin the process of healing yourself, please do take time and investigate resources available to you. I don't know what your husband's insurance is; will they pay for a part time PCA? Can you afford to pay for a part time PCA? Or housekeeper? Or babysitter or meal-maker or shopper?

    Are you affiliated with a church? Ask for help within the church. Ask for help at work - put an ad up on the employee bulletin board, or spread the word; you're looking for part-time off hours PCA help. Bet you find a lot of the aides moonlight on the side.

    Nobody wrote anywhere that you have to do this all by yourself. You shouldn't - and you can't. You'll suffer, as you are now, your hubbie will suffer, and your beautiful children will suffer. None of us in this boat are endowed with super powers to enable us to magically keep a job, run a house, care for a family, find some inner peace, and oh, yeah, care for a spouse with a disability. Sometimes it just takes hitting the bottom to find that out; but as long as you have the will to pull yourself back up, you and your family will see the light of day again - I promise!!!!
    _____________

  2. #12
    Jenny I feel so bad for you. You have not even had time to except the way things are now. You need some time just for yourself!!! You sure have got a load, and I have no answer's. Stay strong Lady! will keep you in my prayers!
    Doug

  3. #13
    Senior Member
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    Jenny, along with what everyone else has said,

    You have WAY too much on your plate. I have 4 kids, so I remember those years, and it wasn;t with an injured husband.

    He is t7-8. That is the same level as I am. And while he is only 6 months post or so, and you shouldn;t compare injuries, what is he doing to help out at home? He should be able to manage a lot of the stuff at home and with the kids. It is just a matter of figuring out what works, and what needs to be changed or done differently.

    How did the 2 of you manage before he was hurt? 4 kids and 2 working parents is a lot of stress w/o the sci. Are any of the kids in school yet?

    As far as hiring help, I know it is probaby a $$ issue. Neighborhood kids are a great resource, and work cheap. Even a 10 - 12 year old can come and play with the kids while someone is home. Slightly older ones are good for yard work, real baby sitting, and basic cleaning. And if there is one old enough to drive .... my own kids are teenagers, and they are great for running errands! It means they get to drive.

    Please, go ahead and ask for some help. (Unless there is something I messed) hubby should be able to get independent, but he is still at a tough spot post injury. ANd you are trying to handle too many things at once. Something has to give. You don;t want it to be you!
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  4. #14
    Senior Member watchthisbaby's Avatar
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    Jenny, I feel so bad for your situation. It sounds to me that you have such a loving and nurturing spirit. There is no shame in being where you are at, your reaching out for help. I believe most of us women think we are capable of doing it all, and sometimes we can't. The first rule in caring for others, is self care. Don't feel guilty, although that can be easier said than done sometimes. If you don't take care of you, you won't be any good to anyone else. Try to pull any and all resources you can to help you right now. Sometimes it's hard for people to ask for help, it sounds like you've been going strong for 6mos. maybe seek out volunteers from reputable community service agency's to help with different things; cleaning the house, running errands, helping with the kids while you or your husband are there, preparing meals. If your place of employment has a social worker I would hope they would have a plethora of resources you could look into. Maybe a friend or family member could stay with you and the family for awhile. Try and go do something for yourself and by yourself if at all possible; go for a walk, a long drive, get a manicure and/or pedicure, a massage, go out with a girlfriend(s). My next recommendation is if or when you do this turn OFF your cell phone. Let everyone know your going to do this, and don't check it, if possible. You may have some chaos when you return, so anticipate that. It sounds to me you have been everything to everyone except yourself. If you can self care on a regular basis, the family will get used to it, and you should all be happier and healthier because of it. Wishing you lots of love, and compassion. Your a remarkable woman.
    "We're one but we're not the same. We get to carry each other" U2

  5. #15
    Jenny,
    I know the first year is such a blurr. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Friends, relatives, church members, the kids' school, anybody who will listen. Any meals they can bring by are a huge help. Have them stock the freezer for you or chip in for a cleaning lady. Just ask.
    I agree with what everyone said about being proactive with work. And talk with your primary care physician.
    I'll be thinking of you.
    Best wishes.
    Ugh, I've been kissed by a dog!
    Get some hot water, get some iodine ...
    -- Lucy VanPelt

  6. #16
    Jenny,

    You have been through so much in a short time. You are really doing yourself a great favor by reaching out for help. I am going to send you a PM later tonight here...

    Take care and God bless...

    Teena

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