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Thread: "You're such a good person ..."

  1. #31
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    I mostly get these kinds of comments said to me when I'm not with Bill but after the fact .... after we've been to a social event or something! I'm a bit torn by these conversations because I think we've all gotten so accustomed to the hand we've been dealt that we don't even recognize it as difficult or a choice to be made ....... it is hard and depending on how the comments are phrased they don't always offend me .... sometimes I'm more embarassed for the other person making the comments .... people say stupid stuff when they don't know what else to say and they end up looking pretty foolish ...... probably saying something to themselves as they walk away "gawd I can't believe I just said that " ... its even happened to me ....

    It might be because we come from a small prairie town but generally I believe the things people say to me/us comes from a genuine place of concern ..... not pity ! I guess we're lucky in that regard!!

    I've always thought that the rest of the world .... outside our world ... find themselves in the position of being damned if they do and damned if they don't when it comes to what to say or not say ..... not everyone was born with good common sense and there is no rule book .... lets face it we're all just wingin' it here ......
    ...... and yeah I've used the statement .. " you have no idea what you can do until you must .... (and then I add) you'd probably surprise even yourself " ....
    .....and then I think to myself "and I pray they never have to find out" !!

    Obieone
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  2. #32
    Hi, AF Girl. Matt's picture looks as if he is C-5 incomplete, or is he T-5 complete?

  3. #33
    Hello to you, Uncle Peter

    I take it you found his avatar . Actually, Matt's very much "complete" - he calls himself a "classic C-5." No triceps at all, no finger movement, and with his palms up, his wrist just hangs - he can't hold his hand level with his forearm. He's definitely ASIA A (zero sensation below his injury level.)

    Sabine

    PS: I love New England (in the Summer )!!!

  4. #34
    You're such a good person

    Well yes, as a matter of fact I am. I'm terrific and awesome, and I also have fantastic spouse whom I love completely. Do you ever feel bad for an able bodied couple because they might never get to experience the kind of physical intimacy that you enjoy? I guess it's hard for some people to imagine that a relationship between a disabled person and an able bodied person can introduce many blessings between the two that wouldn't be there otherwise.

  5. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by cmediac
    Do you ever feel bad for an able bodied couple because they might never get to experience the kind of physical intimacy that you enjoy? I guess it's hard for some people to imagine that a relationship between a disabled person and an able bodied person can introduce many blessings between the two that wouldn't be there otherwise.
    I don't understand. Are you saying that a relationship between an AB partner and partner with a disability has a greater physical intimacy than one between two AB people? How so?

    C.

  6. #36
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiger Racing
    I don't understand. Are you saying that a relationship between an AB partner and partner with a disability has a greater physical intimacy than one between two AB people? How so?

    C.
    Sorry -- didn't mean to get off topic. From a caregiver's perspective, my spouse and I have an incredibly physically intimate relationship. In an AB relationship, one spouse doesn't usually bathe the other every day, or clean them after a bowel movement, or examine every inch of their body, or dress them, or drive them everywhere, or sit up with them in the middle of the night when they have gas and need to burp. I see and experience every part of my spouse's physical life, and this adds intimacy to our relationship. There's nothing left to hide when you are that physically close. That's all I meant.

  7. #37
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmediac
    There's nothing left to hide when you are that physically close. That's all I meant.
    Yes I completely agree with this statement ..... I comfort myself with this notion when I find my mind going to the "feel sorry for myself place" thinking about the things we can no longer enjoy (in the old way) together ..... its bitter sweet for me though ... I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish it weren't always so .... Bill and I have been married over 30 years and have 4 kids together so we have alot invested in each other younger couples don't have ... along with many memories to reflect on. I've often wondered how I might have dealt with this if I were much younger and just beginning in a relationship ..... it would be alot to consider .....

    Obieone
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  8. #38
    This is kind of an old thread. But I just found this sight and read it and had to register and post. Why do people feel the need to say that? If your relationship is strong you deal with what comes. When my husband had a car wreck in '96 a nurse told me "don't feel bad, most spouses leave after an injury like this." What the heck? Someone in the care field telling me this. I hate it when people say, I'm such a good person. He does just as much taking care of the house as I do, deals with the kids and holds down a full time job. I do what I do because I love him, not because I'm some kind of saint. Our sex life sucks, I feel guilty about that. A lot of times I wish I did have some time away, I feel guilty about that. I guess I feel like a "good" person wouldn't feel like such a bitch all the time. Sorry, I got off track, I just hate when people say that. Ok vent over.

  9. #39
    Quote Originally Posted by REM
    I guess I feel like a "good" person wouldn't feel like such a bitch all the time.
    P-shaw! If you're working on it, my guess is you're a "good" person. Nobody likes a martyr and nobody's perfect. Cut yourself some slack.

    C.

  10. #40
    That you have to be a great person comment bugs me too. I have a few answers

    "yes, I am amazing"
    "yeah, not many people are as great as I am"
    these two throw them off cause I dont sound like a great person when I say that

    "Not really, I married him for the sex"
    thats my 'oh shut the f*** up comment'

    sometimes I confront them on it and explain how iggnorant of a comment it is

    but these days I mostly ignore it. We also have a transracial family to top things off, so stupid comments are really on the rise. People are actually more likely to mention a race or adoption thing ("are your kids mixed", "who is their father" (with my husband right there) "how much did they cost" "are they brother and sister" "do you talk to their mom" "how much do you know about their dad" "do they look like their mom or their dad").

    I also have an amazing filter now. My husband had one when i met him and I always wondered how he did it. now I can do it too. Sad to say but my kids will have to grow up with a filter too.

    My husband hates a blanket random question "What happened to you"? I totally agree with him, i get asked "what happened to your husband". That one is super dumb too.
    - Moody

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