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  1. #1

    "You're such a good person ..."

    Hi,

    Just wondering: do any of you (AB spouses/significant others) get this "awww, you have a heart" or "you're such a good person" kind of patronizing look when they find out about/meet your SCI husband/wife?

    Or how about this one: "I wouldn't be able to do it."

    Like I said, just wondering ....

    Sabine

  2. #2
    Hah, you bet.
    "You must be a saint" (the unsaid part is ... to put up with that)
    My usual reply is to the effect of thank you, but I didn't feel I had a choice, or, that's the hand I was dealt.
    I often add something about how this kind of thing makes you think about the meaning of commitment and love. That gets them on the "I wouldn't be able to do it" business.
    - Richard

  3. #3
    I have heard my father say "how unfortunate for your spouse" when someone gives him that last line!!

    You don't really have to respond. Give them a smug look, and look at your partner, and say "you don't know what you are missing" (which is true, either way!).

    Some people don't know how to turn on their brain before they open their mouth. That is THEIR disability.

    (KLD)

  4. #4
    I can't believe the shit that comes out of the people's mouths. That's like saying, "Aww, you're not a racist," if you meet someone with a spouse of another ethnicity. The audacity is extreme.


  5. #5
    Yes!!!! I have heard,

    "Your such a good person."
    "I don't know how you do it."
    "I would never be able to put up with that."
    "He's so lucky to have you." (I laugh, its probably the other way around. I'm can be quite the pain in the butt.)
    "I wouldn't blame you if you decided to leave him." (pretty sure I wasn't asking for anyone's permission.)

    I just roll my eyes.

    My favorite all time inappropriate comment was "Can you two still have sex?" This came at a X-mas party from a coworker's husband whom I had never met before. I asked him, "Can you still have sex?"

  6. #6
    OMG... yes, I get this all the time.... I know they mean well, it just comes off like they feel sorry for you or something. No need to pity me, I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

    Oh... here's the reverse of that... we were at Sam's the other day and I was pushing a very full flatbed cart. As we were going out the door, they stopped me to check my receipt, Mark says to me "I'll go ahead and open the van up". The girl says to me "You're very lucky" I had to ask her what she just said and she repeated..."HE's helping YOU" It kinda caught me off guard. I just smiled and said... "oh, you have no idea..."
    AB, Husband is c5-6 inc quad, 25 years post injury.

  7. #7
    Thanks for the replies ....

    Funny you mention the "Can you still have sex?" question.
    I don't know how the idea started, but we had always talked about having t-shirts made with kind of a bar going across the chest area. Written across the bar it would say 1. "From Here Down." Then, below that there'd be a 2. "Car Accident." Below that, a 3. "Yes I can."

    Kinda sums it up, we thought . Not sure why we never actually went through with it.

    Sabine

  8. #8
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AirForceGirl
    Thanks for the replies ....

    Funny you mention the "Can you still have sex?" question.
    I don't know how the idea started, but we had always talked about having t-shirts made with kind of a bar going across the chest area. Written across the bar it would say 1. "From Here Down." Then, below that there'd be a 2. "Car Accident." Below that, a 3. "Yes I can."

    Kinda sums it up, we thought . Not sure why we never actually went through with it.

    Sabine
    Perfect .... I love it ..... maybe we can raise some cash for a cure with that idea .....

    Obieone
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  9. #9
    Senior Member Imight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Fran├žais
    I can't believe the shit that comes out of the people's mouths. That's like saying, "Aww, you're not a racist," if you meet someone with a spouse of another ethnicity. The audacity is extreme.
    hahahahaha

  10. #10

    How ya doin', Kid

    How ya doin' kid? That is what I get as the spouse of a recent SCI. Can't believe people actually say that. I'd like to tell them how I'm really doing, but don't want to be rude. I usually say "hangin' in there" or "OK". One day after the same man asked the same question I said "How do you think I'm doing??" Then I felt guilty as if perhaps that was rude. They also ask "what can we do for you kid?....we feel so bad for you." I just ask for their prayers. But after hearing that for the umpteenth time I said..."I'll let you know when the hospital bills start rolling in?" That person doesn't ask what he can do for me anymore. Was that rude of me....if not, why am I feeling guilty. I am fed up with empty words from people who have no idea what it is like. How tired I am but have to keep plugging away and the expense of just driving a long distance to the hospital every day and pay for parking and "lousy cafeteria food". Anyway...I've vented...like to hear your responses.
    Brenda (working RN, spouse of C5-C6 injury)
    Brenda

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