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Thread: My appointment at VR Today

  1. #1

    My appointment at VR Today

    Caution: Some of the details of this story have been exaggerated or made up for humorous intent and it may even fucking offend you.


    It often seems like those who're employed to oversee the physically disabled are often mentally disabled. I think that's fucked up. We were handed a shitty hand and then to be given an even shittier one to reach out to is a bit nauseating.

    My vocational rehabilitation counselor is counting the days to retirement, which is less than 365 days (he constantly reminds me), and the lady who I met today for personality and aptitude tests seemed like the lady in church that everyone avoids for the same unknown reason.

    First, I get interviewed about my story and condition. I was surprised to learn one of my doctors was named Dr. Lester and that I had been a waiter prior to my injury at 15. To make matters worse, she wasn’t surprised by the fuck-ups in her document. I’m really afraid to go there again; I might learn that my real name is Tori.

    Second, I take a test with four questions to discover absolutely everything about my personality. Even though the printed out sheet stated I was friendly, diplomatic and tactful, I apparently offended her by correcting the poor grammar on the paper and declaring, “This is fucked up!”

    Lastly, I took the aptitude test. She was very pleased to tell me every subject had been within average, even some above, but the math score brought the general score down. I looked at her sadly and said, “I know, I get naked to count to 21.”

    Based on everything, we both decided a career in porn is perfect for me: I love Madonna, I say “Oh, god!” perfectly, and I have little feeling in my ass. Plus she was so enthralled by my knowledge about dildos, she seemed as though she couldn’t wait to get home and play with “Governor Huckabee” using my tips. I accused her of being a racist for not naming her dildo “Barack Obama,” but she insisted she wasn’t racist and the only reason she didn’t name it Barack was because her dildo wasn’t big.

    I left dreaming about hitting it in gay porn.
    Last edited by Le Todd; 01-09-2008 at 02:08 AM. Reason: Changed Senator to Governor


  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Todd, this is hysterical :-) On the other hand, if they discover that your real name is Tori, just hope the last one might be Spelling. Hell, you could buy the building the VR inhabits and turn them out into the cold. Oh, wait, it's New Orleans, so it isn't that cold, but you get my drift. I love the fact that you told her the test was "fucked up." So much for the tactful that they had already labelled you!

  3. #3
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    Sounds exactly like my experience with VR and they delete your record after 4 years. You are healed when you graduate from college..... VR is worthless and the counselors are people who dont have the qualifications to ring the bell for the Salvation Army.

    (No offense to the Salvation Army but it doesnt take rocket science to ring their bell)
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  4. #4
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    One of my many VR field counselors was very interested in a job I discussed with her, working for Dell. I found the job info and applied several times. One day when I called for some unrelated information, I found that she had quit and found another job. Yup, she got a job working for Dell. I didn’t.

  5. #5
    Hell i got VR to pay for my hand controls for my car.
    "When Life Deals You A Crappy Hand, You Can Fold, Or You Can Play" Mark Zupan

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen
    I love the fact that you told her the test was "fucked up." So much for the tactful that they had already labelled you!
    LMAO! That didn't really happen. I was truly labeled friendly, diplomatic and tactful. Thus, I followed that with a joke about telling her the test was fucked up to be funny.


  7. #7
    Todd,
    I think your best suited for advertising or some form of comedic writing. With the writers guild strike you may be able to scab for Stewart or Colbert.

    I don't know WHAT VR has in mind..but follow your own path. You know what your GOOD at. Porn..well maybe but it's such a short lived profession and you must make all you can in that short time.

    Writing as a career/profession is a toughie..but it's possible. Advertising is competitive but profitable.
    Life isn't about getting thru the storm but learning to dance in the rain.

  8. #8
    Of course they found you friendly Todd

    VR is good for one thing paying for college. They did twice for me and hopefully will again when I'm ready to go back again for a master's degree.

    My last counselor was completely frustrated with her job, telling me that those who really don't need help get all sorts of services and people like me don't. She fudged the paperwork to set up some of my home office because they only pay for that for people who have full time work at home. I said sure, no problem!
    Embrace uncertainty. Hard problems rarely have easy solutions. Jonah Lehrer

  9. #9
    i'm not gonna lie, vr has been great for me... maybe it was because my counselor and i clicked from day i.
    books, tuition, laptop that i wanted, desk, uppertone, hand bike, pushblack handrims... basically anything i've needed that will possibly help me to regain my independence. once i start driving, they're going to foot the bill on any conversion costs.
    they've done waaaaaaaaay more for me than just college.
    "All of us are all too stuck strapped to a chair watching our lives blow up..."

  10. #10
    Well, my VR counselor can't wait to retire. LMAO! Maybe the next one will be young and at a new start.


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