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Thread: Already tired

  1. #1

    Already tired

    So my husband was injured 5 months ago. He's a t7 t8 complete. He's truly wonderful and very considerate. He's as independant as he can be this soon after injury. Under the circumstances, things have been very manageable, almost easy. Too easy????? I don't know why but all of a sudden, I'm feeling rebellious and...jealous. It's so all about him. He's always been such a nice guy that everyone loves him and I feel like I'm just okay. He's great, and well...I'm his wife. Now it's worse... Things are moving so fast with him driving and us getting a new house. I'm feeling out of control and uncomfortable. I'm back at work full time and TIRED already. I'm not tired of him just plain tired. and sad...and lonely. Wehave tons of friends and support but there's noone that would understand me feeling this whiney and selfish....I'm thinking I'll go for counseling. Like I have time for that!
    Last edited by ging1218; 10-23-2007 at 05:07 PM. Reason: Title not correct after rambling...

  2. #2
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    thanks for posting that ~ i think you'll be surprised how many people can relate.

    for me there was a very long period of pure adrenaline, because the crisis just went on and on -- like, for almost the whole time he was in the hospital he was sooooo desperately sick and scary.

    then at home it was a whole different kind of intense . . . kids freaked out, nothing working, but somehow everybody just kept going. it gets to you at some point that you're in a different life than the one you thought was so dependable and predictable. you joke about a therapist, but i didn't waste any time finding one once things had settled down a bit.

    i remember telling him that i knew we were all going to make it, but that i wanted to still know who i was and hold on to my sense of humor. it really helped to have somebody listen to me and show me some of the ways that i was making things worse for myself.

    anyway, you're in good company here, and i'm glad you posted.

  3. #3
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    Ging1218,
    While I am not a wife, I am the girlfriend of a T5/T6 complete so I think I can kindof relate. While JP is 16 months post injury, I still have occasional feelings of "why can't everything be normal?" "Why did this have to happen?". I understand your point of view that your husband is so independent this soon after injury. I have the same thoughts of "this is too easy"!!! JP is likewise a wonderful, compassionate, loving, great person and I admire him so much.....but I still want to pout sometimes. I don't know if I feel sorry for him or feel sorry for myself or what exactly I feel! Sometimes you just want everything to go back to the way it "used to be" and i think that is ok....the key is knowing AND accepting that things will never be the way they used to be. I think alot of this comes with getting used to the new life and even though it has been 5 months, its still very early in the recovery process and you still have alot of emotions to experience and work through. Hang in there!! You are definitely not alone!!
    "Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have"

  4. #4
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    Yep... I can relate... it's 2 and a half years after Don's injury and I am JUST beginning to get used to it. Don retired a couple of months ago and I was really dreading it but we are actually getting along better than we were. I work full time and I am very glad I do... it gives us a break from each other. Don is much stronger now than he was and he makes it a point of working out about 4 times a week.
    I'm not saying it's all groovy but it really does get better. I make sure that I keep myself in top physical condition too. I also try to maintain as much independence as possible and I know Don does too.
    Making time for yourself needs to be a top priority...

    Best,

    Sieg

  5. #5
    Thank you guys... I really am calling a counselor today. It's time and I realized after I posted, I worried about my husband reading it and being sad. So I told him how much I love him and plan on being the very best I can be and for me that means I have to go for counseling. People keep saying "take care of yourself" and I kept saying "what does that mean?". I do think it means counseling and...dare I say it... me time.

    Thanks again!

  6. #6
    You might buy Kate's book and make it a point to grab time to read it. It is the only book out there from your side of the fence, to my knowledge. She was unflinchingly honest. She is such a great writer, she managed to make it heart-wrenching and entertaining at the same time. She came out the other side still married, family intact. She's a good role model and source of support.

    Yes, I like her a great deal. However, I swear she didn't pay me for this endorsement.

  7. #7
    That's a great idea. It's actually on it's way. I had read an excerpt on Amazon.com last week and it sounds very relevant.

    I love it here.

  8. #8

    What book is that?

    What is the book you refered to that kate had written?

  9. #9
    "Some things are unbreakable" See the cover a few posts up with the encouraging message she wrote. I found it on amazon.com. I think that's where I read a few pages too.

  10. #10
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Blush. Thank you Betheny!

    The book is the one that's pictured next to this post, which I called Some Things Are Unbreakable.

    It's basically the experience of living through the first year from my perspective. I know that I desperately wanted something like it--a voice to tell me that all the insanity would somehow work itself out and I would still be able to be myself.

    I wrote it very soon after all of this happened (some pages are direct lifts from my journals) so it's pretty intense. There is one other book out there from the perspective of a wife, but wow . . . I think it's called "Tumbling After." The woman writes about inviting her quad husband's male live-in caregiver into her bed. It made me sad.

    I tried to be honest. Watching somebody you love learn to live with a disability is such a cruel thing, and helping your kids get on with their lives is so wrenching--but so much of this experience is also just freaking bizarre and ridiculous.

    Anyway -- it's on Amazon, and it's also at
    http://www.lulu.com/unbreakable

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