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Thread: OMG, What do I do with my mom?

  1. #11
    Sounds like denial, sorry to hear it. My parents grasped very easily what the Dr's told them, the spinal cord was mangled. My folks did more of dragging me along on their adventures and it was up to me to determin the rest. I moved out when I was 18 and the only time I moved back in was temporarily when changing apartments.

    Unfortunately you cannot make her understand. She has to do that.
    You can only tell her the way it is, the truth, and hope she will grasp it.

    Faith is something good to have, but sometimes it can be blinding.

    I was asked once if I believed in God. I said yes. The person called me a liar saying if I truely believed then I would walk. Pretty harsh...

    Shit happens. Do what you can with what you have. Only things stopping you are things. If you can't go over, go around.
    Where there is a wheel, there is a way.

    As for Mom, love her for who she is. Know her for who she is.
    Accept her for who she is.
    Rick Brauer or just call me - Mr B

    http://www.riseadventures.org

  2. #12
    Senior Member Robynbird569's Avatar
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    I am a mother of a SCI child. I cant speak for your mother for I dont know her, but I can give you a mothers side of it. When your child is injured, for one we carry the guilt of it happening, regardless of how it happened, and then we are faced with the fact that this is a boo-boo that we cant kiss and make better. I went through them feelings, I had to soon snap out of them so I could concentrate on my daughters mental well being, and help her to achieve as much as she could physically. Its sad that your mom is having troubles accepting what is, give her time, SCI affects those in the family too. Maybe your dr. can intervene and explain and talk to your mom. Sorry I cant give you more, but I do wish you the best.


    Stay safe my son. See you around thanksgiving!

  3. #13
    I want to thank everyone for their advice on the matter. However, I have tried all of that. I have tried educating, tried explaining nicely, all of that. All I get in return is, "well your just not trying hard enough", or "well, it looks like you don't want to get out of that chair". As far as the whole therapy thing goes, I know that getting a little depressed after a session is normal but this was more then a little depressed. This was on the verge of suicide deprressed. I am not going to put myself in that situation again. I don't think I should have to do that. Finally, specifically to Robynbirds advice. I know that it must be hard for her to watch her oldest daughter go through this but its not like I haven't accomplished things or that I don't have goals, dreams, etc. After almost four years shouldn't she atleast start to let go of the whole "wanting a miracle" thing? or am I being stupid? Thanks again for the advice. I just wish it was something new that I haven't heard before.

    Becky,
    Chicago, IL
    T8-9 according to latest scoring.......
    since 1/3/04

    I am the best at being me. No matter how that happens to be!!

  4. #14
    Becky,

    Don't worry about suicidal agitation. I've had it since puberty and even more so after my injury. It's fairly normal to think of death when depressed and dwelling with a disabiling injury.

    Thoughts don't automatically lead to action.


  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by bcsimpsons
    I want to thank everyone for their advice on the matter. However, I have tried all of that. I have tried educating, tried explaining nicely, all of that. All I get in return is, "well your just not trying hard enough", or "well, it looks like you don't want to get out of that chair".
    Then sucky though it may be, it sounds like it's time for you to buck up and tell your mom to keep her opinions to herself. Only you know if you are trying "hard enough" or if a little push from loving outsiders will benefit you. Is your mom really trying to push you past your own, self-imposed limitations or is she acting like an ignorant bitch, who doesn't realize that mind over matter really only works in screenplays? Is she in denial or are you? Once you answer those questions, then you can take the next step. You may need to move out on your own and do whatever you feel is of the most benefit to your life and your recovery. Once you do that, hopefully, your mom and the rest of your family will recognize what you're doing and will be proud of your work. But if not, at least YOU can be proud of what you're doing.

    I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Because I've been blessed with such supportive family and friends, I really have empathy for anyone who is dealing with this sort of injury or disability on their own. Good luck to you.

    C.

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Fran├žais
    Becky,

    Thoughts don't automatically lead to action.
    Todd,
    Normally I would agree with you but I was diagnosed with depression about ten years ago and have had a couple of suicide attempts prior to injury. Hence the reason that I want to find ways to deal with my situation at hand and not fall into that cycle again.

    Becky
    T8-9 according to latest scoring.......
    since 1/3/04

    I am the best at being me. No matter how that happens to be!!

  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiger Racing
    Then sucky though it may be, it sounds like it's time for you to buck up and tell your mom to keep her opinions to herself. Only you know if you are trying "hard enough" or if a little push from loving outsiders will benefit you. Is your mom really trying to push you past your own, self-imposed limitations or is she acting like an ignorant bitch, who doesn't realize that mind over matter really only works in screenplays? Is she in denial or are you? Once you answer those questions, then you can take the next step.
    C.
    C,
    I know you are trying to give advice but the comment about "only you know if you are trying hard enough, etc....." that you made I don't think was appropriate. In the three and a half years from the time of my injury, I have spent a good 2 and 3/4 years in a therapy program of one form or another all while going to school full time. Like you also said, it would be nice if I had people standing behiind me willing to help and not make me feel better or second guess myself. i know that I am the only one that can answer the questions about how hard I am working etc and the answer always comes back the same, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However, that does not change the fact that the people who are supposed to love me no matter what and support me and encourage me no matter what have all of a sudden stopped doing that. I hope that makes sense. I don't mean to upset you or anything but after reading your reply I felt like I had to say some of these things.

    Becky
    T8-9 according to latest scoring.......
    since 1/3/04

    I am the best at being me. No matter how that happens to be!!

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by bcsimpsons
    Todd,
    Normally I would agree with you but I was diagnosed with depression about ten years ago and have had a couple of suicide attempts prior to injury. Hence the reason that I want to find ways to deal with my situation at hand and not fall into that cycle again.

    Becky
    Aww! Well, by all means, I wish you the best. Have you tried antidepressants? They can really help, especially if you find the one most suitable for you.


  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Fran├žais
    Aww! Well, by all means, I wish you the best. Have you tried antidepressants? They can really help, especially if you find the one most suitable for you.
    I have been on antidepressents since I was 17 (I am 26 now). I currently take Effexor XR and that works great at the current time. after a few years the drugs seem to not have as great of an effect so then I switch. Thank you for the advice though.

    Becky
    T8-9 according to latest scoring.......
    since 1/3/04

    I am the best at being me. No matter how that happens to be!!

  10. #20
    Becky,

    I know what you mean. Effexor XR worked wonderfully for a year and then it seemed to have lost its effect. Then it's probably necessary to up the dosage or switch medications, preferably what the doctor recommends.


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