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Thread: Where is that delicate line with parents?

  1. #1

    Angry Where is that delicate line with parents?

    Ok, so here is my question about family. My mom is under the impression that I am not happy with my life the way it is. Ok, true I would rather that I was still able to walk but there are still so many things that I am able to enjoy. She always keeps telling me that I won't be able to do what I want to do for a living, which is being a singer, unless I get out of my chair. I am currently in the process of trying KAFO's, please see my thread on the care forum. But she keeps reminding me that my life will amount to nothing if I don't start walking again. How long do I have to put up with this crap from her? I am still living in her house so I feel obligated to just take it in and not do anything about it. Am I wrong or what the heck? Sorry I am just really frusterated.

    Becky
    Chicago Illinois

  2. #2
    Sheeesh, I don't get why she's trying to demoralize you? Is she using this as a form of motivation to keep you working in PT?

    I think I'd just keep telling her yep, you're right, I'll have to live here forever and have you support me. Then ask her to make you a sandwich, request homemade lasagna for tomorrow and tell her you guess you'll need an allowance. Tell her your clothes are dirty and you obviously can't wash them.

    If she is already doing that stuff, you need to make her quit, take care of yourself and earn her respect.

    Sometimes, though, you just gotta ignore them. My Dad was a bit this way until he recently got sick. His compassion and comprehension have increased a lot this year!

  3. #3
    Becky,

    I was told many times career choices would be difficult. Let's be honest, what famous singer is in a wheelchair and also sings, does music videos and concerts? Choices are clearly limited for us. If you enjoy singing, try doing it recreationally.


  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Français
    Becky,

    I was told many times career choices would be difficult. Let's be honest, what famous singer is in a wheelchair and also sings, does music videos and concerts? Choices are clearly limited for us. If you enjoy singing, try doing it recreationally.
    Jeez, that was a big help! Might as well quit before you try! Don't listen to him. Go for it! You will never know unless you try. Stevie Wonder is blind. George Strait just stands there and sings. Jeff Healy is blind. I am sure there are others.

  5. #5
    Senior Member wheelchairTITAN's Avatar
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    The one thing that will always be for parents is ... guilt! HUGE amounts of GUILT!

    As parents they always wanted the best for us and could never have envisioned disability and most likely never SCI.

    Try and understand where they are coming from (I don't mean that you have to accept their position ... Betheny has some really good advice in her post) and hope they will grow into the change in your life.

    My mother turned 80 in July has some minor health issues (touch wood!) and for 18+ years has always asked how I am before we start a conversation on the phone or in person. She cares about me and this is one way I know she loves me ... still. Her question is always as if I am "breakable" or getting worse by the week and this is always before she will talk about herself and some of the things I need to know about her health.

    It is hard to be our parents.

    William

    ... rolling since 1989
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    BE NICE!It's free

    P.S. ~ I have "handicapabilities"

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  6. #6
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    I got that a lot when I lived at home. This was one of the major things that caused such a riff that I moved out at eighteen. I needed help, not hinderance and cut-downs. I wasn't going to find the support I needed in the dysfunctional doldrums of, "You won't amount to anything," or, "You can't do that because you're in a wheelchair," etc.

    So I lit on outta there and never looked back. Best decision ever.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  7. #7
    First of all, thanks for the replies. I am a classical singer so I won't have to worry about music videos or what not so don't worry, I am going to see what comes of my dream regardless. As far as the whole gamet of things that my parents do for me, well honestly not much. The only thing that they really do is throw my close in the washer for me since it is in the basement of our house and going down there would just be inviting more injury, lol. I do everything else by myself. I was the one who looked into getting my car fixed, against my mom's wishes may I add, paid for it myself, have paid for school on a very very tight budget as I am sure most of you can appreciate. I am looking at moving out within the year depending on where I am going to transfer for school. I am hoping that this may aleviate some of the tension but you never can tell. And just so you know Le Todd, I don't mind you telling me that I should just do it recreationally however, I am not going to take your advice, for some reason I am still able to use my lungs and diagram to sing so there must be a reason for that. I am going to see where this takes me. Don't worry, I am not stupid I do have degrees in health information and phlebotomy too just in case but never say never. Thanks again everyone. Hopefully like I said, she will come around at some point because if I have to deal with this much longer, I am going to flip out.

    Becky
    Chicago Illinois

  8. #8
    Becky,

    If you want to appeal to the classical crowd, you probably won't have a problem. Case in point: Andrea Bocelli. He is blind and well-received for his talent.

    When you said you wanted to sing, I immediately thought of American Idol and pop acts. The MTV market would be incredibly harsh to anyone with a disability.


  9. #9
    Le Todd,
    I do have to agree with if I was into more "popular" music it would be more difficult, however, I would never say that it would be impossible. Saying something is impossible puts barriers up and I would not want to do that for anyone regardless of their ability. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

    Becky
    Chicago Illinois

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by ginamarie
    Jeez, that was a big help! Might as well quit before you try! Don't listen to him. Go for it! You will never know unless you try. Stevie Wonder is blind. George Strait just stands there and sings. Jeff Healy is blind. I am sure there are others.
    I was trying to be a realist, not negative. Those you named above are anomalies in the music business and are men, as is Andrea Bocelli, and they appeal to a small demographic.

    Even with the success of Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles, I doubt a person in a wheelchair could survive long on American Idol. The stigma is presently still there.

    However, if one aims to do Opera, physical abilities other than singing are often not considered.


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