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Thread: My Destiny

  1. #1

    My Destiny

    I guess my life is one to be nothing but sorrow.I reach out but never grab and hold on.Always hurt the people I love.Maybe I demand to much from people I hold dear to my heart.I give 100% while others do nothing.I hate myself.I have too much venom in my soul.I need to find why I'm like this.I LOVE LAURA but all I do is hurt her.She deserve's more then me.I have alot of demon killing to do.
    Be yourself!!!
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Hampshire, England.
    Hey Geno, take it easy on yourself, it sounds as if you've had a few strong words with Laura, it happens, we all do it and 99.999999 times out of 100 it's forgotten by the next morning.

    Get a few pictures of Topanga up on your screen and do a bit of blessing counting.

  3. #3
    Banned adi chicago's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    near dracula castle
    geno be strong my friend ...every second day i argue with my sis regarding bowel a burden for her and for me too.after i poo we start to laugh.damn sci.say hello to topanga she is an proud.
    i wish i can have a baby like you have.all the best geno.
    • Dum spiro, spero.
      • Translation: "As long as I breathe, I hope."

  4. #4
    Senior Member 6string's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    The Crossroads
    I find everything goes in cycles. But what goes around, comes around. You have to love and respect yourself before you can share that with others. Feeling sorry for yourself won't cut it.
    "Music will always find its way to us, with or without business, politics, religion, or any other bullshit attached. Music survives everything, and like God it is always present. It needs no help, and suffers no hindrance. It has always found me, and with God's blessing and permission, it always will." Eric Clapton

  5. #5
    Senior Member vgrafen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    chico, ca, usa
    Geno writes: "I need to find why I'm like this."


    Screw analysis, screw digging into your past. What you're gonna find will take years to unravel, and in the meantime, you'll still be taking it out on loved ones.

    Knock off indulging your misery. You're 36, a man, an ex-athlete, and what's more, you're incomplete. You got so much going for you, I'm envious! So snap outta your whining-bullshit, and suck it up.

    No, Laura doesn't deserve more than you, she deserves you, a full, responsibility-taking, forward-looking MAN.

    Yeah, I'm kickin' your ass, son, 'cause you deserve it. Nobody has the right to inflict their pain on anybody else, and you know it. Go look in the mirror, then go apologize to her and start that very next minute CONTROLLING YOURSELF.

    And the next time you feel like sniping back at her, fucking don't, understand? Control it, then get off your ass and find meaningful things to do with your life.

    Nobody is gonna do it for you, G. It's just you, your busted body, your few loved ones, and your eventual death. Why the fuck are you wasting your time bein' depressed? You're a smart, experienced man, G, I read your stuff and enjoy your outlook, but this whining and 'poor me' shit ain't becoming of you.

    I could give a shit, by the way, if anybody else here gets offended, 'cause I ain't talking to you, I'm talking man-to-man with Geno, a guy that needs to pick his head up and realize what he has, not what he's lost.

    My book, 'Scouring the globe for a cure: a disabled man's experiences with stem cell treatment' is available at Booklocker at the following address:

    A percentage of every sale goes to CareCure.

  6. #6
    "I am your density..."

  7. #7
    Hang in there Geno. The lack of control and independence that comes along with sci can most definitely bring out the demons in us at times. Our love ones don’t deserve it when we explode but I believe they understand. I have said it before. We tend to take our frustrations out on the people we love the most. I believe the reason we do this is because we are blessed in being comfortable with the knowledge that they love us so much that they will still be there tomorrow. You, as well as I, have to try and be conscious of our actions when we lash out. It’s rough for them as well. Just remember also that even if you weren’t disabled you and Laura would still have your fights. Would you think then that she was not deserving of you? Would you feel as much guilt as you do now? There are no relationships that come without some kind of arguments. I also understand what you mean when you say you give 100 % and get nothing in return. I don’t believe you were speaking of laura when you said this but people in general. Maybe you’re right and we expect to much from people. But it seems we can give the shirt off our backs to some and not even a little respect in return. How does the old saying go. You’re only as good as your last deed. I know it’s easier said than done but don’t let others harden you. Concentrate on your marriage and talk to her about your frustrations and let her talk about hers. I never married but I honestly believe that with any relationship if you have love, communication and empathy for the other person, chances are the bond will last a lifetime. If you have to, tell her once again that you’re sorry, and even though you can’t promise it won’t happen again that you will always try to do the best. Something tells me that she understands you better han you think. I’m sure she loves you dearly and that definitely shows through by the fact that you both brought a beautiful little girl into this world.

  8. #8
    Hey Geno, sorry to hear about your troubles today or the build up of the past few. I have to agree with vgrafen on this. There's no problem with venting and you know what you need to do to work things out and make things better. You have an absolutely wonderful and beautiful family. Hold on to those thoughts and know that you're much needed for your family. There's no problem feeling down and wondering if it's all worth it. I'm sure in the 10 years of SCI this isn't the 1st time you've questioned it, but as others have said, take a look at Topanga and it should be a huge eye opener that it is worth it. If you need to talk, you have my #.

    Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches. It's more like a jar of jalapenos--What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

    If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby. Carlos Mencia

  9. #9
    I dunno what's up, Geno. I know for sure that Laura also gives a lot, I can tell by your beautiful home and child. It takes a lot for a woman to create and keep a home that nice. As a woman, I've noticed it in your pics many times. You both give a lot but you both have a lot to give so I think it will be okay.

    I think you've got additional pressure because a friend just met a dreadful end and you can't understand what happened.

    Keep your head up and your priorities straight. Many would give much for what you have!

  10. #10
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    I'm sorry you're having bad day Geno. I'm so envious of the baby you both have! You're a lucky person! Everyone gets a bad day or in a rut every now and then, no one is immune. Every couple has growing pains after the birth of a child; par for the course I think disabled or not.

    Hope better days come.

    V has excellent advice!
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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