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Thread: My SO went to assisted living

  1. #11
    The saga continues. SO acted out at the care home ~ a really nice place I must add~ now he's back with me and his guardian says we can't successfully place him again because he'll do the same thing.

    SO is thrilled to be home "where he can take care of me" and has pledged his devotion and commitment to self care. I guess time will tell....

    I'm sooooo tired
    My blog: Living Life at Butt Level

    Ignite Phoenix #9 - Wheelchairs and Wisdom: Living Life at Butt Level

    "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

    Dawna Markova Author of Open Mind.

  2. #12
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you go through this - with a fracture and wound to boot!

    Don't give so much of yourself that it's at your expense. I know; easier said than done.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  3. #13

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    This thread is a totally eye-opening look into the true lives of our members affected by TBI. I was unconscious under water for five minutes before my breathing was revived on the shore. I've always wondered if it hurt me. But I'm sure it is nothing or nothing compared to the TBI others have. My best regards to everyone affected by TBI.

  4. #14
    JenJen, take care of yourself! I care what happens to you both, and I am thinking that his "acting out" at the AL facility just was his cry to get back to you and make sure you were ok...

    So...although this situation is as far from ideal as you can get, it still is a situation of love, and that is a good thing...

    Sounds to me like he loves and cares, and at least has a survival instinct, no matter what level...

    It would be scary enough to have a sci and be in a new place...but to have a sci, be blinded, and also with a TBI is sure to be overwhelming...

    I know you need a vacation!!! You both do!!! My prayers for both of you!

    Mend well, JenJen...and come find me if you need to talk!!!

    Take care, God bless!

    Teena

  5. #15
    your so dam sweet Teena
    oh well

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by kenf
    your so dam sweet Teena
    Why thank you, kind sir!

    (sorry for the hi-jack, gang...kind words deserve kind word comebacks...LOL)...

    Teena

  7. #17
    Jeff, IMO. TBI is a very cruel injury and I think it gets swept under the rug often. We may not want to discuss "bathroom issues" out in the world but I think they're more understandable than explaining that SO is late because he was busy teaching the dog a new language that will allow them together to SAVE THE WORLD FROM TOTAL DESTRUCTION!

    People are more tolerant of one's inability to control their body than one's inability to control their behavior. We don't understand and expect them to buck up, pay attention or try harder. As reasonable as that may sound, they simply can't.

    And the gaps happen in odd places that are unexpected, unforceable and illogical. How can he do calculus in his head, remember the smallest details of our time in Fiji, support me in the tribulations of life with a teenager, understand and explain acrane prinicples, insightfuly critique my most current speech yet be unable to remember the steps to shower (undress, get wet, lather rinse, repeat on the whole body).

    You fall in love with a person and their personalilty and then a knock on he noggin later (or in our case, a bullet in the brain later), the person is there but their personality is gone. I fell in love with a strong, sensitive, romantic soul with a keen asthetic, a wickedly wry sense of humor and a delight and tolerance for people that was inspiring. Now, he's "flat" any humor he has is school-boy "booger and fart" schitck, he's no longer quietly confident; he's paranoid, arrogant and egocentric. Worst of all, he's dangerously intolerant of people and situations. At a restaurant if I leave him for a second, I may come back to find that's he's crashed someone else's party, explaining in great detail to this bewildered goup with the tight smiles how the devil tried to have us killed but God brought us back to serve his glory and to complete our mission and did they understand the signs of demonic possession and how to remedy it. "I'm sorry, he has a head injury" doesn't seem to cut it. He leaves impressed with his own ability to communicate and provide insight. He had to leave his AL situation because he found out that the owners were from Transylvania, thus tainted by the evil of Dracula and needing to be "purified."

    Friends can't accept it and fade away. I understand where they're coming from because I rarely see glimpses of "my" SO in there and I find this guy tiresome and not some one I would want to know if it weren't for our history. But he remembers every detail of our old life without the benefit of insight to see that he and we are different now. We can go back to Bermuda or Fiji and he'll carry me in the very special anti-gravity saddle that he's going to invent. We don't have money for groceries but why haven't I bought our plane tickets yet?

    Again, this has turned into a vent without direction - sorry. Maybe Marmalady can explain.
    My blog: Living Life at Butt Level

    Ignite Phoenix #9 - Wheelchairs and Wisdom: Living Life at Butt Level

    "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

    Dawna Markova Author of Open Mind.

  8. #18
    Teena, SO doesn't have an SCI, only me.
    My blog: Living Life at Butt Level

    Ignite Phoenix #9 - Wheelchairs and Wisdom: Living Life at Butt Level

    "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

    Dawna Markova Author of Open Mind.

  9. #19
    Senior Member
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    Jen, the vent does have direction. out. You need to vent and try and get the anger out of your system. If it helps (or even not) vent away.

    Most of us cannot comprehend being in your situation. We are either the carer or the caree, to some extent. Few of us are struggling with both sides of the issue.

    {{hugs}}
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  10. #20
    Oops, JenJen...glad he doesn't!!!

    Hugs and prayers,

    Teena

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