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Thread: Can I have my own sick day?

  1. #1
    Senior Member taj2002's Avatar
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    Can I have my own sick day?

    I sprained my ankle (at least that is what the X-ray said) on a Tuesday night 2 weeks ago. I was supposed to keep it elevated, wear this air cast, ice it, and get crutches for 5 days. Do I get to do all of that, heck no. Why, you ask, because my quad husband, the very next day, has to get a major pleural effusion that totally collapses his left lung. So he spends 8 days in the ICU with a chest tube, and I spend 8 days on my sprained ankle in the ICU with him. No ice, no air cast, no crutches.

    I don’t want to sound selfish, but can I just get a couple of sick days of my own? Tomorrow will be the 5th anniversary of the accident that paralyzed my husband. I haven’t taken one sick day. No matter how shitty I feel, had 2 surgeries on my hand, colds, bronchitis, diarrhea, migraines, whatever, I have always put his needs first. I have never begged off caring for him even one day.

    Now my ankle is a total mess. I am bruised from my knee to my toes and it hurts even when I am not on it. The only shoes I can wear are my crocs. Thank god they are IN and trendy right now. Can’t someone just grant me one sick day…please?

    Trish

  2. #2
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    I wish I could wave a magic wand and grant you some time to yourself.

    I don't know your situation, or if you have any backup, but try ~ even if it's just one day.

    Take care. You need to heal too.

    Shelley

  3. #3
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    No ma'am.
    Last edited by Obieone; 07-20-2007 at 02:31 PM.

  4. #4
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    First, kk, you may think you're being evah-so-funny, but you know - its NOT funny. So just keep your "humor" in other forums.

    Taj .... I hear ya. You had it bad the last 2 weeks, I know. I wish I had advice, but of course, I don't have any. I wish I could come up and give you a break, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I have this fond wish of setting up a SCI-caregiver-co-op where we all descend in rotation on one house for a week to give that person a break. If we had enough people and somehow we could zerox one of us ... it could work. Right? Yeah, well, I tried.

    So here you are:

    ONE SICK DAY FOR TAJ!!!!

    Hugs, Ami
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by taj2002
    I sprained my ankle (at least that is what the X-ray said) on a Tuesday night 2 weeks ago. I was supposed to keep it elevated, wear this air cast, ice it, and get crutches for 5 days. Do I get to do all of that, heck no. Why, you ask, because my quad husband, the very next day, has to get a major pleural effusion that totally collapses his left lung. So he spends 8 days in the ICU with a chest tube, and I spend 8 days on my sprained ankle in the ICU with him.
    So you're saying that your crippled husband had the nerve to hospitalize himself when you had a bum ankle? That bastard!

    J/K. Seriously, your vent is a valid one. It's got to be rough to feel like you never get a break.

    I don’t want to sound selfish, but can I just get a couple of sick days of my own? Tomorrow will be the 5th anniversary of the accident that paralyzed my husband. I haven’t taken one sick day. No matter how shitty I feel, had 2 surgeries on my hand, colds, bronchitis, diarrhea, migraines, whatever, I have always put his needs first. I have never begged off caring for him even one day.
    No matter how bad a day you have, from the outside it will always look like your beloved has it worse and that can be emotionally complicated. But the truth is that your pain is as valid as his and you are in as much need of support as anyone. Is there no one that can give you that and allow you a day or two to yourself? If there isn't now, I hope you find someone soon.

    Sorry about your ankle.

    C.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by zillazangel
    First, kk, you may think you're being evah-so-funny, but you know - its NOT funny. So just keep your "humor" in other forums.
    Seriously? Why isn't that funny? I can totally pictue that exchange happening in person.

    First Person: "My husband is a quadriplegic who needs my care 24/7 and I haven't had a day off in years. Don't I deserve a break?"

    Second Person: "No. No, you don't."

    Sounds like something my sarcastic family might say in that situation.

    C.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by kkmay
    No ma'am.
    kkmay,

    The "Caregiving" forum is a special forum created for caregivers. Not for a selfish, ego-centric asshole like yourself to get your jollies off in.

    I'm against censorship in most forums but it's people like you who can make it necessary. Just because you find it entertaining to run your poor mother ragged in her own home doesn't mean that it's the right and moral thing to do.

    Your signature quote is so telling of your personality. Grow up.

    Sorry to hear about your troubles Taj. Take care of yourself or your husband won't have anyone to care for him. Isn't there any way for you two to get part-time PCA to help with your husband's care so you could have a little personal time for yourself?

    Can't you find a comfortable chair in the ICU and keep your foot iced and raised while you're looking after your husband? The nurses there should be doing ALL of the work with perhaps just some supervision by you.

    Best wishes.

    Bob.
    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

  8. #8
    Senior Member taj2002's Avatar
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    Just for clarification, we do have PCA help. We actually have nursing care (RN or LPN) approximately 50-60 hours a week because my husband is a high level quad with a trach. But I am one of those crazy ones that think he needs an advocate at the hospital with him. I stood in the ER on my ankle for 10 hours while that placed a chest tube and ordered him a specialty bed so that he could be transferred to the ICU, I only wish the nurses could care for quad patients in the hospital. They don’t have time. We (me, his private hire nurses, and his sisters) did about everything except pass the meds and monitor the chest tube and IVs. We had to feed him, do his bowel program, quad cough. I even had to bring in our own trach cleaning kits and do daily trach care because my husband has a permanent type surgical steel trach and the hospital didn’t have supplies to support that type of trach. He can’t press a call button, he can’t use the phone, he can’t turn the TV station, so we had someone stay with him 24/7. It wears you out over 8 days plus we have 2 middle school age kids that had to be cared for.

    My point was how ironic it was with the timing of both incidents. My husband has been paralyzed 5 years and this is the first time since his initial injury that he has ever been hospitalized. In the 5 years since his injury, this was the first time I had ever injured myself bad enough to go to the ER. I thought it was just ironic that his situation occurred just when I needed a little break off my feet. Which brings me to my next point.

    kkmay, let me give you a little insight into the life of a wife to a high level quad. I have for all practical purposes given up my own life in order to give my husband one outside of a nursing home. I never make a single decision without first thinking how it will affect him. Everything I plan factors his needs into the equation. If I have to take the kids someplace around dinner time, then I have to make sure that I get someone over to take care of him and feed him his dinner. I work part time and have nursing help, but I have to be willing to drop anything I am doing because nurses and PCAs don’t always show up. I feed him when I don’t want to eat. I get up at all hours of the night to help him when I really want to sleep. I advocate for him. My nurses basically come while I work. I walk in the door from work at 3:30 pm and they walk out. I then do everything until the next nurse shows up at 7:30 am. I change trachs, SP caths, do bowel programs, suction, pass meds, plus all the ADLs. I give him a shower every other day whether I feel like it or not. That’s my point. There are some days I don’t feel like it, but I do it anyway and thus it is going to take my ankle probably 3 times as long to heal because I always put my quad husband first. Unfortunately that is the way it is when you are married to a high level quad. They must come first because their needs are so great. But I guess sometimes I just wish for a little time off, like totally off, not an 8 hour nursing shift off while I am at work. If you don’t get this then you really have no idea the sacrifices that wives to high level quad make in order to care for their husbands at home. If you don’t think someone like me deserves a sick day every now and again, then I suggest staying out of the Caregiving forum.

    Trish

  9. #9
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    Listen Bobby, you can always put me on to ignore. And the same goes for any one else. My 'quad' husband, that's really nice. If you had a paraplegic husband, would you refer to him my 'para' husband?

  10. #10
    Taj is trying to make a point that you are obviously incapable of understanding, moron.

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