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Thread: Doctor's Appointment

  1. #1

    Doctor's Appointment

    Went to see a specialist for shoulder pains. It had been getting worse these past few days. He gave me two cortizone shots, one on my left shoulder and another on my right shoulder. I did get to speak with him about any other options in treatment w/o have to have surgery. He told me that cortisone will work only for a while but will become ineffective in time with usage. He ordered an MRI which will be done on Wednesday. At the time he gets the results the he will tell me more. One thing he did tell me was that there are really great new arthritis medication but that he will need to check with my gastro to see if they may give me problems with my liver and hep C. He couldn't reassure me that that won't happen tho.

    I am hoping that I will be able to take them. I really don't want to go have surgery as I had mentioned before.

    I started to feel so down today after leaving the office on the ride home. My son took me to the doctor's and back home. On the drive back, I started thinking.

    Here I have been in this chair for such a long time. Lately, things have been hitting from every side, all kind of health problems are now beginning to pop up on me. The first few years of being SCI'ed, I never felt any hate or anger towards the driver of the car who left me like this. I continued feeling the same way up to recently. I have now started to feel the anger directed at him coming now. I began to think... I am certain that he is having a happy life with no health problems such as mine. Probably enjoying the ability to do the things I no longer can. Being able to move without pain. He doesn't have to deal with loss of sensation nor the embarrassment of dealing with it. Nobody has stolen his life away nor made him live imprisoned in a chair dependent on others for so many things. His family didn't make him accept his responsibility for what he did to me. His parents didn't even bother to even pay for my hospital bills. When he got hurt in that accident, he was sent to the best hospital in the city for a broken shoulder. Me, I ended in the charity hospital since my family was not well to do. He thought he so smart. Driving drunk and speeding. Never thinking about what he could bring to someone else's life. Oh, he wasn't the owner of the car... his friend was and had told him to keep on driving because, "the car has insurance anyway". So what? It wouldn't bring me back my ability to walk, it didn't even pay my hospitalization. Insurance, Bah!!

    At this moment I feel so sad, angry and feel so frustrated with all this. Everything started that unforgettable day. Without my realizing it, he had put me on a downhill road to so much pain, and hell. I have had blessings with my family but all this is hurting them too. I see the pain in their eyes. They have to watch me lose so much more with time and there is nothing anyone of us can do to stop it. I see my sweetie and don't want to lose the ability to be able to babysit her or see her grow up to be a beautiful young lady. All this thoughts of what I am now seeing in my future bring so much pain to my heart. I want to live a whole healthy life and able to walk or at the least something to minimize my pain and the hope of a better future.

    Sorry, needed to vent. I think you are possibly the only ones who understand better my feelings and can possibly emphatize.


  2. #2
    Raven, I am so sorry you are having all these problems right now, and I can certainly understand your anger with the person who caused your accident. Did you ever pursue any legal action against him at the time of your accident? I am sure you know that it is generally not productive to spend a lot of time rumminating over regrets over the past, but there are times when you need to feel sad and grieve for what you have lost as well.

    I hope that you will get some relief with your shoulder pain. If meds or surgery are not options, you might want to explore acupuncture and TENS, as these have helped a lot of my clients, and also look into equipment that can help you be more independent while still sparing your shoulders.


  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Raven, it's ok to be human. We love you and are here when you're hurting, angry, scared ... You shine so much light around here, time we shine some back on you my friend. What can we do?

    ~ I could while away the hours, conferrin with the flowers, consultin with the rain .... ~ Scarecrow

  4. #4



    I can't possibly say "I know how you feel..." and I can't even say "I've been there."

    But I can say I LOVE YOU...and I'm in your corner...

    (Sometimes it helps just to know SOMEBODY is in your corner...)

    I hate, HATE, H-A-T-E SCI and all the baggage it carries....

    But I so love it that you are my friend.

    I send you love and gentle hugs...{{{Raven}}}

    And everytime I see anything you write, it makes me glad that I consider myself a writer of sorts too...and makes me remember just how much I love to read...

    Take care, Raven...because I care.

    Love and prayers,


  5. #5
    Thank you friends for your words of comfort. I guess at times things will just feel so heavy to bear alone. Friends who try to cheer you up are the best medicine for a time like this. There are little things are happening to my body due to my hep and then the arthritis getting worse with time is making it worse for me to be treated for that it can become so hard to deal with for me. Personal issues also don't help much at times. My concern and worries about my son's father also has bothered me since there are things we can't seem to find the answers for. My son is so overwhelmed with all this going on plus other things he has to deal with as a father, husband and with his employers. I know he is going to get stronger with time but in the meantime, I hate to be giving him more worries and concerns too. He has always been a good, caring and thoughtful son and know how he hurts with this happening. I have seen him lose a child in a second and the trauma it brought on them and myself has been awful. I would have preferred that it had been me instead of his child. Her life was just beginning, mine, well, I have lived a long time to see and do things which she didn't. I believe losing a small baby with out an answer for it will take a long time to heal. I don't believe we will ever forget her though. I write poems dedicated for her often, expressing my feelings but they haven't completely helped me to get to acceptance either. I will posting at a later time one more of the poems I wrote for her and give the url to it on my site.

    KLD, incredibly, we could get nothing out the driver because of his age. He was 17 and the owner was 17 also. His family had a ranch and money in the outskirts of the city. My mothe and sister were the ones who went to talk to a lawyer since I was just a kid myself. The lawyer told them that since he had no money of his own, we could do nothing. That manybe when he became of age if he inherited anything, we might be able to. He suggested we go to give them a visit and see if we could talk to the family to have them co-operate in some way. My sister took me with her so they could see what the results were of his action. She wanted me to get off the car but I refused. The family wouldn't even open the door to them. After we were there a while, someone came to the screen door and said that Robert(the driver) was not there. We don't know who the person was but my sister got disgusted and we left. I felt so embarrassed because I felt that it was like going to beg for help. I am a pretty proud person and hate to be put in a situation of looking like a beggar. Plus I didn't want much exposure because of my SCI. I even refused to go out of the house at first. One good friend would practically forcefully roll me out to the front of the apartments where we lived. He was a very good friend when I need someone who would keep seeing me as me and not a cripple. Most dis were always not seen back in those times, as I remember. We were seen as either "poor them" or like a circus freak. BRRR. What an awful way to view another human being that has been hurt or had something bad happen to them. Good thing many of those things have changed now.

    Oh, my parents never again pushed the lawyer to check on what ever happened to the driver so we never knew if he did inherit anything at all. My parents are of mexican descent and were not very knowledgeable of many things that may have helped us at that time. They didn't even speak english so they were pretty much lost here. My sister was a bit more informed but I don't know why she didn't pursue the matter more anymore. I am imagining we didn't have the money to do that either if needed. I did ask recently one lawyer if it would be too long a time since this happened for it to be brought up again and sue the driver but they told me it was already too long. Not much I can do now. It is too late. But I have survived and will continue to do so, no matter how things turn out. I have to keep saying that to myself in order to make it from here on.

    Thanks again all of you for listening to my whining and my feelings of anger and frustration and all my ramblings. God bless all of you for being such great people. {{{hugs}}}


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