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Thread: Single mom of vent dependent paralyzed 19 y/o son

  1. #1
    Junior Member SharTango's Avatar
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    Unhappy Single mom of vent dependent paralyzed 19 y/o son

    Hello
    I have not been here in a long time. Today my husband left because he said he "needed more" than he has in our lives. We have a 19 year old paralyzed son. Long story short - he woke up with a headache on 10/5/02 and is now paralyzed and vent dependent. He was 14 - he's 19 now. No diagnosis was ever made - I 've actually put out story here before. I work full time and I am his caregiver - we have 35 hours of nursing so I can go to work. I also work out of my home part of the time. After 5 years my husband has left - he was never really there for us anyway but now he has moved out. Thats why I find myself back here again. Anyone else out there in a simliar situation? I mean I could never leave my son - it's hard as hell but I could never abandon my responsibilities like his father has. Believe me there's a lot more to this story but in due time. Right now I'm in shock, and I'm tired and I'm just hoping for some support through this forum. Thanks for reading.
    Sha

  2. #2
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    Ohmygod, I feel like I've been kicked just reading what you wrote .... I am just astounded at the cruelty that life can dole out. Your son's accident - whatever it ended up being - and now your husband. Wow. I am not in a similar situation really, but I am a caregiver/wife of a high level quad, although he is not vent dependent. I offer support though .... and I'm all of us here will extend you a warm, yet sad, welcome. -- Ami
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  3. #3
    Junior Member SharTango's Avatar
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    thank you for your support - believe it or not - it helps.

  4. #4
    Shar,
    I'm so sorry. I have no idea WHAT parent can just walk away from a child, esp. in such need.... some parents just don't even deserve that title.
    I wish you well and your son, of course, too. I will keep you both in my prayers.
    I'm also sorry that you never got a diagnoses...that's ridiculous...and it must be frustrating for you. Is he able to communicate with you?
    I hope he can. Keep posting here, when ever you need anything.

    Take care and God bless.

    bbs

  5. #5
    I don't have any words of wisdom, sorry. I am sorry to hear about your situation. Your son is lucky to have you. I hope you are able to comfort each other through this.
    My blog: Living Life at Butt Level

    Ignite Phoenix #9 - Wheelchairs and Wisdom: Living Life at Butt Level

    "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

    Dawna Markova Author of Open Mind.

  6. #6
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SharTango
    Right now I'm in shock, and I'm tired and I'm just hoping for some support through this forum. Thanks for reading.
    Sha
    {{hug}} You've got it ..... visit often and vent as often as you see fit .. just be sure to pass the pipe ! I'm really sorry you have to deal with all this alone !

    Obieone
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  7. #7
    Junior Member SharTango's Avatar
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    Red face thank you

    Thank you to all of you who have given me your kind words of support - now I can sleep a little better tonight, when I do sleep! My son and I are now in this together and he's so great. He can communicate with me, he's very smart. We will get through this - we have to. His father had started drinking over the last few years and he started going out and drinking with friends and coming home late. He wants freedom - which kills me because of what our son has had taken away from him. It's selfish of his father to even say that he "needs more than this" (this being life as it is right now) thank you all for your support.
    Sha

  8. #8
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    Shar, how difficult things are for you lately! I am the one in our family with the sci, and I when I read about parents whose children are injured, I am always glad that it is ME, and not one of my kids! My thoughts are with you, I know you will get past this, and as difficult as it will be, you are better off with out your ex!

    PS noticed you are from Mass, I grew up there and am now in Connecticut.
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  9. #9
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    Shar,
    I am the caregiver, full-time, for my brother, who is c5, TBI and insulin dependent. My husband also split after 5 years and we moved here to be near friends, it's our old hometown area. Because of the diabetes, Jim has to have someone around most of the time to monitor his glucose and give injections. I did work making the food for our espresso shop and being a nurse when still married but now I only work for Jim. We have done well with our challenges for these 7 years but Jim is really positive and that has made all the difference. We are the only members of our family left so we get to do as we please. And I know that there are many others out there that make it as well as we do. I am sorry about your son, he's so young. Deb

  10. #10
    Hello, Sha
    I'm sorry and angry that he abandoned you and your son. It's very sad that such things happen at all; it's so much sadder that it's not uncommon - there are a lot of people here on CC who have had similar things happen. It's a demonstration of weakness and an unwillingness to follow through with a promise of commitment. You will need to get in touch with an attorney to ensure that he cannot duck all his financial responsibilities.
    Talk (well, writing) helps. Please feel free to vent away, you will always find willing and sympathetic listeners here.
    - Richard

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