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Thread: suicide

  1. #1
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    suicide

    i know it's a shame to say, but i can't help to think. god or whatever force has taken my life away . i have a 10 yrs old son. today i ask him to put away the xmas tree cuz i can't do it. guess what he said , your being paralyzed is ur own fault,not mine,why should i?! he finally did it afterwards.. but it's enough to break my heart. this world is so cold selfish. there's no point to live.
    god? if there's one, help us!
    friends r leaving u, family's burden. even ur own son despise u..don't know how u feel. i used to think i'll struggle for my son, now he really broke my heart.
    me and him live together. we don't have family help. i want to send him to his father and kill myself. i feel i'm a complete failurr, loser, useless being.
    i have tried so hard in my life to be good, kind,responsible,.... now i'm tired. i want to give up. destroy my soul if he's mercy.

  2. #2
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    I'm not one for physical punishment but perhaps the little boy needs a cuff upside the head - metaphorically speaking of course as I really don't mean that literally.

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time of it. Knowledge is power and perhaps if your son knew the medical reasons you are paralyzed, he wouldn't be so quick with his hurting words (better to cut this off while he's young than face someone bigger and stronger who will actually cuff him!)

    It's not good for anyone to be around negativity and if you're getting it from your friends (as in they are leaving), family (a burden?) and son too - then maybe it's time to cut them all out and take charge of your life. The biggest depressor is a loss of control over your own life. How do we change this for you given your c5 injury?

    That's what we have to figure out. I'm so glad you came here and shared your feelings than follow through on those suicidal thoughts though.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  3. #3
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    Sorry to hear from you but life is all about ups and downs. A healthy person can not understand feelings of a normal person. Thing which matters most to a SCI Patient is money. If you have not money it means you will have to follow others. I pray to God if He gives some one SCI then give him/her money and other resources to face the hurdles other wise life is nothing.

    May God be with you always and give your son advise.

    Jawaid

  4. #4
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    Relax, 10 years olds are just exactly that - 10 years olds.

    Some also has their Xmas trees standing in the living room year around as I understand it, why not. One buddy of mine also had Xmas lighting outside on his house switched on until summer, he was not SCI. I personally thought it looked nice

    Hope things will be better for you.
    Last edited by Leif; 02-03-2007 at 11:21 AM.

  5. #5
    Souz, Its hard I know but there is a God and he hears and knows what you are going thru. Please, please, please don't give up, your son doesn't understand what you are feeling he is still young, so try not to take what he said to heart and believe me if you were not around he would surely miss you. Please try and find a support group that can help you thru this, there will days you will feel like you are feeling now and there will be good days. Just think if you were not going thru this believe me there will be something just as bothersom. But, please, hold on, dont give up, help is coming, trust me I know what I am talking about. God is real and willing to help.

  6. #6
    Senior Member teesieme's Avatar
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    suoz, your thoughts and suffering break my heart... and you know that's not an answer... whatever the reasoning behind your ten year old saying as such, odds are it came from someone... it isn't meant.
    Your son needs you no matter what may seem otherwise. Continue to be the best ma you can. You two need to talk...ten is a tough age...mine wanted to live with dad too, for reasons of the promise of things but then just time with his father...we gave it a couple try's...I knew he'd get the things but no time. It tore me up as I had made yet mistakes again in my life and his father fed the fire with his dislike for me but the kid needed to see the grass wasn't greener, that in truth ma always tried to do her best by being there for him...and he did, even at ten, he came back.
    Your situation has factors mine didn't but my point is my son needed me there for all his what if's- yours does too. You can work this out. Bring out his why's and what it is that makes him say as such in a casual way- not face to face, like after a favorite meal and a 'lesson in life' type movie while you seem like your doing something else- tell him the movie made you curious...it's a good way to get them to open up.
    Hugs girl from across the world...you will find a way through this- maybe you do need time for you, being there always but as part time parent Nothing wrong with that, as long as you are here for him.
    Last edited by teesieme; 02-03-2007 at 12:14 PM.
    "I want to make a difference! However small it may be~ as long as it's a positive one, then this is what my life will have been about and I will go knowing I did my best.~ T.

  7. #7
    Suoz -
    Don't think that your 10-year-old despises you. He hates what happened to you (as do we all). At his age one can't expect an understanding of how to articulate the difference, and so there will be confusion of the two.
    I recognize it's very difficult, but bear in mind that any negativity he sees coming from you will be both absorbed by him and reflected right back at you. Have you tried professional counseling? It might be good for both of you.
    - Richard

  8. #8
    [QUOTE=suoz]

    I have three children and have been alone with them most of the time. I don't know how many times I have heard those words. Don't think of it, all children are using things against their mother. My AB friends have been told other things. It is easy for a child to use your SCI if they don't want to do something. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you and respect you, it is his age and the children's way.

    I don't know how you bring up children i Australia, but here we are not too strict and it is forbidden to spank the children. I would have talked to him and told him that you are getting unhappy when he is telling you things like that. And told him all children are helping in the house even when the parents are AB. I live alone with my 10-year old, my other children are 24 and 21 years old and live alone and go to the university. They are too busy to come and help me every time i need help. I try to not ask for more than other parents are asking their children. I think it is importent that the children is not your helping hand more than normal. You are the mother and that is the way it should be.

    I hope you understand what I try to say, it is sometimes difficult to explain what I mean in English.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  9. #9
    Senior Member teesieme's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rfbdorf
    Suoz -
    Don't think that your 10-year-old despises you. He hates what happened to you (as do we all). At his age one can't expect an understanding of how to articulate the difference, and so there will be confusion of the two.
    - Richard
    agree.
    "I want to make a difference! However small it may be~ as long as it's a positive one, then this is what my life will have been about and I will go knowing I did my best.~ T.

  10. #10
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    Souz

    Kids can be cruel sometimes. They are after all suffering with your injury just as you are. Although I think your son may need some "hickory tea" so to speak that you may not be able to give him. At that age sometimes their mouth is the biggest part of their body.

    It might do your son some good to go to his fathers for a while. It really sounds like he is angry at your injury. My daughter takes out her frustrations on me because I am her closest and most loved relative. We are all guilty of this. I was very angry with my mom at times although she wasnt my reason for being angry. Single parenting is not easy. You are not a failure...you are just going through a very stressful time. From the age of 10 on up to 20 is a very hard time for kids. I feel like I am on an our of control roller coaster some days. Some days I could just strangle her or lock her in the cellar but we somehow keep surviving.

    Can you get out and do something that you enjoy? If so send the "mouthy kid" to his dad. Even if it is just for a movie....then when you feel a little better, sit him down and explain to him how his words hurt you. Explain to him that you two are in this life together. Talk to him with your full attention and like you would if you were in a serious conversation with an adult. Sometimes it does kids good to see that they hurt you. I can tell you of one instance with my kid. She kept throwing up how she wondered how her birthday would be if some of our family that had recently passed away were here. To make a long story short...she had been grieving the passing of her granfathers for about 2 years. I lost it with her one day. I said at the top of my lungs what about me, what about all the things I do for you to make your life happy, what about living in the now instead of focusing on what might have been in the past. She has not since threw the "what ifs" up to me since. Sometimes kids just need to realize...in an adult sort of way.

    My heart aches for you suoz. I hope things work out for you and your son. I cant help but wonder if you did end your life if your boy wouldnt carry the burden thinking it was his fault. With no family support, I cant imagine how hard this is for you. Sometimes it just helps to talk about it. Please do it here, we will listen if no one else will(((((hugs)))))

    By the way....even able bodied parents here make their kids do "chores"...most kids get irritated but it is just life. The Christmas tree was my daughter's responsibility for the last few years...I dont care if we have one or not. LOL
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

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