Page 2 of 10 FirstFirst 12345678910 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 99

Thread: Need advise, am I hurting progress of my SCI husband

  1. #11
    Senior Member taj2002's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Indianapolis, IN, USA
    Posts
    172
    My advice would be to let him do as much as he can. My husband is a C3-C4 complete quad with no arm function at all. He is 100% dependant for everything. Believe me, after a few years, it gets old. I know that he can’t do the stuff for himself, but I get very tired, and it will start to take a toll mentally and physically on you over time. I say let him be as independent as possible. There are things that he might never be able to do like change ceiling light bulbs, cut the grass, shovel the snow, clean the windows, carry out the heavy garage, change the furnace filter in the basement, take his broken wheelchair in for repair, clean the shower. You get the idea. Save yourself for all of this stuff. There will still be plenty for you to do which will help him out while still letting him take responsibility for his own care. Just my thoughts.

    Trish

  2. #12
    Thanks for all of your input. I must say, you all make me feel like I've been hurting him instead of helping him. THANKS A LOT! I have only been doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing. Nobody has said different, until now. Keep in mind that my guy had a goal to get back to work at six months post injury to provide for his wife and 3 kids. He has done that. He drives and visits customers on his own, even as far as 3 hours away. I assist him every morning to make sure he is at his desk at 8am. With my help it takes 2 hours on bowel days to get him ready. I would love someone to tell me how he is going to do that on his own. (I guess if he gets up at 4 or 5am...) I feel I am helping him so he can work, so we can live! Isn't that important?

    Kate, did your husband return to work at six months post??? Does he have a schedule to adhere to?

  3. #13
    He is not in a halo. He needs the glasses while in bed to do cath. HOw else do you recommend he cath in bed? Should he sit up? ANyway, we are going to try to cath before bed and go through the night tonight. I haven't had a full night sleep in over 6 months. He does his own bathing, I just help him into the tub. As far as meal prep, he has a lot of nausea/light headedness in the morning,so I always give him breakfast in bed, because it seems to help. Any advise here would help. We are very ready to try and make him more independent.

  4. #14
    Naridevoli-

    You asked our opinion but you're getting defensive about the opinions you got. We know you're not trying to hurt him; we're just giving you honest answers from experience.

    Everybody is different, every injury is different, every marriage is different.

    You asked what we do at night. Well, we all struggled until we got strong enough to roll over. I haven't done the whole pillow routine since shortly after rehab. My husband used to help me dress. My PT hollered at me about it. He never helped again. My time went from an hour and a half to a couple minutes, it was a matter of technique, practice and strength.

    Maybe your husband can practice his bowel routine on weekends. Eventually it will take him no longer than it does you to do it for him.

    You 2 have to work out what is best for him and you. I firmly believe that the more independent he can be, the stronger, healthier and happier his life will be. You're not indestructible. If you get sick, die or leave him, he'll have to hire a PCA to help him use the bathroom. That's ridiculous for a c6-7 injury.

    A big glass of water 15 minutes before getting out of bed will help his dizziness (that is from low blood pressure.) There's also a medicine for low blood pressure that helps a lot, ask his doctor.

  5. #15
    I just wanted help and support. I thought that's what carecure was about. We obviously know that he should be doing more, that's why we asked.

  6. #16
    Senior Member taj2002's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Indianapolis, IN, USA
    Posts
    172
    Quote Originally Posted by NARIDEVOLI
    He is not in a halo. He needs the glasses while in bed to do cath. HOw else do you recommend he cath in bed? Should he sit up? ANyway, we are going to try to cath before bed and go through the night tonight. I haven't had a full night sleep in over 6 months. He does his own bathing, I just help him into the tub. As far as meal prep, he has a lot of nausea/light headedness in the morning,so I always give him breakfast in bed, because it seems to help. Any advise here would help. We are very ready to try and make him more independent.
    Naridevoli,
    Could his problem in the morning be from blood pressure issues? My husband is always light headed when I first get him up. If this is bp related some things that help are wearing an abdominal binder, TED hose, and drinking a full 12 oz glass of water before getting up. My husband also takes sudafed about 30 minutes prior to getting up to help elevate his bp. I'm not sure if this is the best idea, but his dr. knows and is OK with it. If you could find a way to eliminate his problem in the morning then maybe you would not have to give him breakfast in bed.

    I totally understand your desire to help make things easier on your husband, I guess what people are saying is that for the long term maybe it isn't the best plan. I remember when my husband first got home it seemed to take me forever to get him going, dressed and transferred. Now with many years of practice, I can do it so much quicker and more efficiently. I'm sure that your husband will gain speed and confidence. Since this is the Caregiving forum, I worry about you and your ability to continue this level of assistance for the years to come, especially if you have children. I have 2 young boys and I need to reserve some of my energy to care for them too. I hope that you and your husband can find a long term plan that suits both of your needs.

    Trish

  7. #17
    Thanks Trish, I appreciate your advise. My husband and I both know that I am doing to much, but because of his job, time is a huge issue. I think we will start with the weekends and then work into getting him on his own during the week. One of our biggest problems is that his employer is very non-supportive and he feels he is under the microscope. One slip up, one day late and we're afraid he will be fired. Then we're in trouble.

    We have a huge 3500 sq ft two story house on an acre of land. My guy built our pool and landscaped our yard and has always done everything. It's too much for us now and we have to sell and buy a single story. Once we do that, then we can get the house set up for him better and things will be easier.

  8. #18
    A year from now you won't believe how much more he can do. I promise you this with all my heart. His injury is so new it is larval. We make huge strides the first few years. Selling the big house sounds like a GREAT idea.

    I really wish you both the best. It seems to me like you paid close attention to what they told you in rehab but haven't yet adapted to home. We all adapt the routines to fit our lves at some point after returning home, after we learn our limits and our options. As he improves, you can back off and let him take over. It sounds as though you're realizing this.

  9. #19
    Senior Member taj2002's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Indianapolis, IN, USA
    Posts
    172
    I can certainly understand both of your concerns about his job. That is just too bad that his employer is not more supportive. I found the same thing that you are finding about the house. A house that took both my husband and I to run was now left totally to me. Things that your husband just won’t be able to do will be left up to you. We also have a rather large 2 story house with a basement and 2 messy pre-teen boys that are always tearing things up. It is a full time job to just keep the place going. That is another aspect of caregiving. You have to care for the things at home that your spouse can no longer care for. The more that you can eliminate from your plate with his direct needs, the more time you will have to do some of this other stuff.

    We ultimately found a way to make our 2 story house work. A move won’t be a piece of cake either but hopefully you will find a smaller place that you feel better meets your needs. I think that your idea of starting to gain independence on the weekends is a great one. Keep us posted on your progress.

    Trish

  10. #20
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    bellevue, wa, usa
    Posts
    10,992
    Quote Originally Posted by NARIDEVOLI
    Thanks for all of your input. I must say, you all make me feel like I've been hurting him instead of helping him. THANKS A LOT! I have only been doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing. Nobody has said different, until now. Keep in mind that my guy had a goal to get back to work at six months post injury to provide for his wife and 3 kids. He has done that. He drives and visits customers on his own, even as far as 3 hours away. I assist him every morning to make sure he is at his desk at 8am. With my help it takes 2 hours on bowel days to get him ready. I would love someone to tell me how he is going to do that on his own. (I guess if he gets up at 4 or 5am...) I feel I am helping him so he can work, so we can live! Isn't that important?

    Kate, did your husband return to work at six months post??? Does he have a schedule to adhere to?
    Yikes, sorry! The last thing I'd want to do is make you feel like you're hurting him--I was just trying to tell you that for me the best way was to keep out of his personal care as much as I possibly could. That turned out to also be the best for him, not to mention our marriage--but I'm well aware that not everybody is like us. I do know that it's very hard to know when to back off.

    I also thought that when you said he was working 90% from home, he probably had more flexibility than he might if he had to get himself to an office or something. If time is an issue, I'd sit down with him and try to figure out a plan that allowed him to gradually get better at all the little tasks, one by one.

    Did Bruce work at 6 months? I wish! But he gradually did pick up most of his old activities, as well as some new ones. And he's been back at it full time for the last couple of years, thank God. I really am sorry if I made you feel bad; you don't need that. I'd have probably done the same thing you are if he'd been trying to get back to work so fast . . . we made the choice to spend our savings while he got his health back and worked at PT, but it was not fun.

Similar Threads

  1. DIRECTORS’ SUMMARY Miami Project
    By chastev8 in forum Cure
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-28-2002, 10:50 AM
  2. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 01-07-2002, 06:18 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •