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Thread: Need advise, am I hurting progress of my SCI husband

  1. #91
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains
    I just popped in to show some support for you Nari and trice and Trish. Keep hanging in are doing the right thing. I am a low level para. The hardest thing for my mom 18 years ago was making me independent. She will tell you it was one of the most trying times for her and the rest of my family. The neurosurgeon who was at times a "real jerk" approached her shortly after my surgery and told her "you can make her independent or you can make her an invalid, it is your choice". That affected my mom...I guess because the reality of how serious my injuries were had not sunk in completely yet. I am a very strong independent person today. I dont think I would be that if it werent for my family letting go and letting me experience life. There were lots of times within the last 18 years that it would have been easier to just call somebody and let them take care of whatever problem I was having....but it was a much better learning experience for me to do it myself. One time comes to mind. I hadnt been out of the hospital long and was still in a back brace. I went to church with my aunt and had a bowel accident. I had no choice but to let her clean me up. I could not even reach my own rear end with my big clunky brace. I guess that made an impression on me. I didnt want someone else having to do such a personal task. I realize that sometimes you just have to let people do things for you but I would much rather a stranger be wiping my butt than my aunt.....I dont know why but it still bothers me that she seen my butt. There have been other times that I have had to have very personal tasks done for me.

    Each set back builds a little bit of inner confidence....confidence that helps me face the next set back a little stronger and with a little bit more inner fight to overcome it.

    I dont know what level your husbands/SO's are but if they can do some things themselves then let them. I agree with the posters who suggest depression....that can wipe out your motivation to care for yourself quicker than any catastrophic injury. I didnt suffer major depression until I lost my father to cancer 15 years after my accident and I spent almost 2 years here at the house feeling sorry for myself. I called everyone and let them do the major things for me. I even made my kid grocery shop. I didnt leave the house and when I did, I found some excuse to not have to leave again. My mom was the one who recognized it first. I was in excruciating pain but depression signs were "slapping my whole inner circle of family/friends in the face". I realized I had a problem one day when my mom used to enjoy going places and doing this/that. I was buying books I was interested in but couldnt pick up because my attention span wasnt long enough....

    Hang in there and vent here. Take care of yourself....
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  2. #92
    darkeyed daisy:

    ...and look at you now..hurray for your mom and tough love.

  3. #93
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny

    I've been refusing to get groceries (3 men in the house, none with jobs, I'm NOT doing it!). They sulk, they get over it, hopefully they do what they need to do.

    Betheny, I hope you don't mind my asking but how's the diet going.

  4. #94
    Quote Originally Posted by cara_m
    Betheny, I hope you don't mind my asking but how's the diet going.
    Yeah I laughed when I read that too. I bet you did not know that Twinkies were a fruit??? Go team..

  5. #95
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny

    ... I've been refusing to get groceries (3 men in the house, none with jobs, I'm NOT doing it!). They sulk, they get over it, hopefully they do what they need to do.
    Yea, but in my house, when HE does do the shopping, we sometimes regret it! I am considering Stop and SHop PeaPod delivery. At $9.95 we will be SAVING money!!
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  6. #96
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Whately, MA United States
    Blog Entries
    That was over 4 years ago...
    Don - Grad Student Emeritus
    T3 ASIA A 26 years post injury

  7. #97
    Senior Member Van Quad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Vancouver, BC, Canada
    Quote Originally Posted by Donno View Post
    That was over 4 years ago...
    I missed that at first as well.

  8. #98
    Hello Navidevoli,

    I am a C5-C6, 44 years post. I always got up, dressed myself, showered and shaved without assistance. After 37 years, of walking on crutches I fell down one afternoon and broke my left knee cap. After having my left leg immobilized for almost 2 months, I found I could not walk anymore. At the insistence of my orthopaedic surgeon, I started using a power chair. Because I cannot bend my left leg enough to put my socks and shoes on, my wife now put those on. I put my pants on and usually hop on the commode to pull my pants up. In 2010, in an effort to become totally independent, I went back to physical therapy to loosen the left knee and left hip. I ended up breaking my left femur when at the PT facility and stretching my hip with too much pressure. My wife said she had heap rather put my socks and shoes on me than to (expensively) break something else. I can put my shoes on okay, only not my socks.

    These are things I learned to do over 44 years so I have a lot more experience than you do. I can understand your position that if he can't go to work and keep a job, it doesn't matter how independent he is.

    Holler is you have questions and good luck to you both.
    ''Life's tough... it's even tougher if you're stupid!'' -- John Wayne

  9. #99
    Quote Originally Posted by cara_m View Post
    Betheny, I hope you don't mind my asking but how's the diet going.
    I gave up when my weight hit double digits!

    I wish that was a joke. 97 pounds on 5'5" doesn't look good. And Poptarts are, indeed, a major food group. Mostly b/c I'm too lazy to cook and clean these days.

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