Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: need help/advice

  1. #1

    need help/advice

    i am beside myself. i discovered a mailing envelope addressed to my 14 yr old using his internet moniker and our address. from what i have pieced together, it was a disk with a game on it. return address was included, did background search but didn't produce much. saw 3 or 4 e's from the guy to my son; there was nothing glaringly obvious (except he dodged my son's question asking his age for 2 emails, then said 25). i just e'd him and his e address no longer exists..

    what more can i do? i don't mean in regards to my son's discipline (his internet access is hereby revoked until further notice), but in regards to making sure this is not some predator? can anybody help?

  2. #2
    I'm not sure I understand what exactly is going on. Did her order or ask someone to copy him a computer game?

    If your son doesn't want to have a heart-to-heart with you (I know when I was 14, I didn't want to talk to my parents about my "BBS" friends), you might do some investigating with his friends' parents. Usually someone knows what is up.
    Daniel

  3. #3
    he gave our address to an unknown person ( not a business, some guy who said he could send him all kinds of copied games) in philadelphia who he met on the internet. that person sent him something in the mail (to our house). that person's e no longer works but he knows where we live and god knows what else. what was on the disk is still unknown.
    Last edited by cass; 12-04-2006 at 03:42 AM.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by cass
    he gave our address to an unknown person ( not a business, some guy who said he could send him all kinds of copied games) in philadelphia who he met on the internet. that person sent him something in the mail (to our house). that person's e no longer works but he knows where we live and god knows what else. what was on the disk is still unknown.
    Explaining your son what security risks are involved in disclosing that information would help ease both of your minds.

    A whole separate issue (I guess only tangentially related) is the fact that one's address is in a slew of mailing lists and often can be found in public records (home ownership, voter registration, etc.). It's probably not a huge deal that this unknown person across the country knows your address.
    Daniel

  5. #5
    dan. your mailing address is only available to ppl who know your name. my son is told not to give his name, phone number and MOST IMPORTANTLY NOT our home address. i assure you, his name cannot be found on any search site (mine can if you know it, do you?). the point is he willingly gave our address to some guy who promised him a copy of a game. i guess you don't have kids, but ty for the comments.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by cass
    dan. your mailing address is only available to ppl who know your name. my son is told not to give his name, phone number and MOST IMPORTANTLY NOT our home address. i assure you, his name cannot be found on any search site (mine can if you know it, do you?). the point is he willingly gave our address to some guy who promised him a copy of a game. i guess you don't have kids, but ty for the comments.
    Cass, I don't have kids, but I agree it is certainly NOT appropriate for him to be divulging this information. As the "cat" is out of the "bag" so to speak, I'm not sure what options are available on that end, but I would agree that you need to have a frank conversation with your son about why divulging his personal information is "NOT A GOOD IDEA."

    Like I said, the thing about public information goes--that is a whole separate topic and I'm sorry to have included it in this thread.
    Daniel

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Placerville, CA
    Posts
    8,259

    Wink

    Quote Originally Posted by cass
    i am beside myself. i discovered a mailing envelope addressed to my 14 yr old using his internet moniker and our address. from what i have pieced together, it was a disk with a game on it. return address was included, did background search but didn't produce much. saw 3 or 4 e's from the guy to my son; there was nothing glaringly obvious (except he dodged my son's question asking his age for 2 emails, then said 25). i just e'd him and his e address no longer exists..

    what more can i do? i don't mean in regards to my son's discipline (his internet access is hereby revoked until further notice), but in regards to making sure this is not some predator? can anybody help?
    Hi cass, I'm at least as internet illiterate as you so no help there.

    Firstly, I would step back, take some deep breaths and relax a little. Consider that, like most internet predators (if he is one), this guy most likely is developing online little relatinships with at least a few others and possibley many, that you child may well be only a minor blip on his radar screen.

    Secondly, I'd have him offline for two weeks or more and a frank heart-to-heart should at least be sincerely attempted when you are both calm enough for rapport.

    Third, (and this is not a joke) I'd strongly recommend that you have your son watch Hard Candy. Art imitates life both effecitvely and therapeutically in the film. But, again, wait until you've both gained a little breathing room and perspective and, of course, watch it yourself first and then decide how/when/if to proceed.

    Steve, oh, sorry, Juke
    "The world will not perish for want of wonders but for want of wonder."
    J.B.S.Haldane

  8. #8
    Senior Member taj2002's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Indianapolis, IN, USA
    Posts
    172
    Hi Cass,

    Have you figured out the guy’s real name? If you have a legitimate address you might be able to find his name on a reverse look-up website. There is reverse address lookup on whitepages.com I think. If you can figure out his name then you could check it against the sexual offender database. We have a site in Indiana that lists all registered sex offenders by name. I believe most states have this. I would also figure out what is on the disk for sure. If it is sexual in nature, I think that you could turn it over to the police. It is illegal to send pictures etc. of a sexual nature to minors. The odd thing is that the guy's e-mail is no longer active. If he is truly just sending out games and not doing anything wrong, why would you abandon your e-mail address?

    The internet makes it challenging for us to keep our kids safe. I have 2 sons that I am trying to police myself.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains
    Posts
    8,152
    Cass
    I feel your pain in regards to this issue. My daughter just turned 18 and thankfully I havent had this happen to me. We had many heart to heart conversations about myspace. I took her page down a couple of times. Alot of News shows have done expos on myspace and sexual predators. Make a point to sit your son down and watch some of these with him. I know boys are different than girls so I am a loss as how to deal with the differences. I made my daughter come home early on a friday night so we could watch a 20/20 episode together.

    If you have this person's return address from the envelope I would definately see if I could find a phone number, name etc to go with that. Then as everyone else said by searching the sex offender's data base. Pop that disc in a computer and see what is on it.
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  10. #10
    Keep showing him the horror stories. When one crosses your path, make him read it and talk to you about it.

    I remember one a few years ago. A college kid from Austin went to Houston to meet a girl he'd fallen for online. Probably you can guess the rest-sliced and diced in a parking garage.

    This kid was a football player, I think. Sometimes internet predators are big, or sneaky (like they drug their victims).

    Your kid probably feels 10 foot tall and bulletproof. There must be an evolutionary reason for this because it seems to be universal. You're onto him, bang on him a while to get him mentally down to size.

    Rinse, repeat. I'll let you know if I ever find the timeframe where it ends.

    I hate to admit this. We had an online discussion recently about whether kids listen to their parents. I thought no. I asked my kid, he said he does listen to me. A bunch of people with no kids linked me to studies, I thought screw it, talk is cheap, so I started talking more. Sometimes we converse, sometimes it's just me harping. But I do think maybe it penetrates a little.

    So talk talk talk-and score one for the childless "experts".

    Why have you not played the disk?

    Sorry I just gave you childrearing advice you didn't ask for, just trying to show solidarity and I don't know what else you can do security-wise. If you have his address, can you call his local police?
    Last edited by betheny; 12-04-2006 at 11:04 AM.

Similar Threads

  1. Some help/advice needed
    By EitanWaks in forum Caregiving
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 05-19-2006, 08:04 PM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-04-2005, 12:56 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •