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Thread: Nosey nurse asking questions….what do I say

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  1. #1
    Senior Member taj2002's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Indianapolis, IN, USA

    Nosey nurse asking questions….what do I say

    On Monday, my husband had an agency nurse taking care of him for 6 hours in the morning and early afternoon. FYI…I am in the process of getting this gal replaced because she is just so inappropriate, wacky, and rude. Like a couple of weeks ago while I was out, my husband and our young kids were watching the Colts football game. This gal started hooting and hollering and cussing in front of our kids. Finally my husband had to ask her to leave the room. Anyway, now for Monday. My husband had some guys over for lunch. She fed him then I asked her to sit in the dining room so that my husband could visit without her interruptions. I sat down with her for a few minutes. She said that she wanted to ask me something. Know what she wanted to ask? How could I stand going without sex the last 4 years that my husband has been paralyzed? She wanted to know what I was doing instead since I “wasn’t gettin any”. I was stunned. She took me by such surprise that I didn’t really even know what to say. Just curious, what would you guys have done with a question like this?


  2. #2
    I would have said "That is a totally inappropriate, rude and ignorant thing to say!" because it is!

    I suspect this was an aide (HHA) not a professional nurse (RN) or vocational nurse (LVN or LPN). It is certainly NOT an appropriate question, as well as being ignorant and insensitive. Lucky for you she works for an agency...this means she has an RN supervisor. Call the agency and ask to speak to this RN. Report this behavior, and follow it up with a letter of complaint to the agency. Ask for a written response. At the same time, tell them you don't want this person in your home again.

    I am a professional who does sexual counseling with patients. In the right place, and with an established relationship, I ask my clients very intimate questions, but a HHA does not have this training and such "data collection" is certainly NOT within her scope of practice. Don't tolerate it.


  3. #3
    I would probably have picked my jaw up off the floor then said "Oh, you haven't heard about the quad sex thing? Best I EVER had, better than you'll probably EVER get. Why do you think I'm still with him? It sure isn't for the golf!" Then left her wondering.

    But KLD's answer is right.

  4. #4
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    North Carolina, USA
    I had someone say to a very good friend of mind that "does she just f*** around on him since they can't have sex?". My friend was stunned. I don't even remember what she said back.

    I once had a STORE CLERK ask me how I had sex with my husband. We had talked about him being a high level quad. I said "the old fashioned way" and walked out!!

    Good grief, the crap we have to put up with. She certainly sounds awful. Good luck finding someone new, I know how horrifically difficult it can be. No ... IS!

    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  5. #5
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    Might have been a good time to educate someone who was so ignorant. People are always curious and it seems to be the first question people want to ask.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  6. #6
    Debbie made sure pretty early on to educate me about all areas of her sci and how it did or did not affect her, including sexual capabilities. She figured I wouldn't have absorbed this information by osmosis, it isn't exactly taught in school, and - in my case - I'd never met someone with an sci to learn anything from.

    Even if I had, I never, EVER would have asked about their sex life. I was raised that there are some things that are private and you just don't ask, and I never even looked at someone in a chair and thought to myself "Gee, I wonder how they have sex" any more than I would any person on the planet. It's just none of my business.

    I believe that if someone Debbie knew asked her privately and sincerely if it were alright to ask her about sexual matters, Debbie would not mind answering them honestly. But a stranger? Nope. Just not cool.

  7. #7
    I agree to get rid of the nurse, these are questions that shouldn't be asked. I had an LPN ask me on a few occasions who my favorite nurse was, but nothing this bad.
    C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

  8. #8
    Being a very blunt and outspoken person myself I tend to give out too much info. I have been known to put my foot in my mouth. I usually try to make sure I am talking to someone who is either used to the way I am or can at least appreciate it. I can also tell when someone is not comfortable with it. I think you can subtly let her know probably even by a brief facial gesture that it's not o.k. She will probably get the hint. If not don't be subtle at all!!!

  9. #9
    Good thing you are getting rid of her now because it sure seems that she was thinking to do other things to your husband instead of care only. Or who knows maybe she was a lesbian and she wanted something to do with you instead.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Alberta, Canada
    I'm surpised she didn't leave your home with a permanent hand print on her face and a boot in her ass.

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