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Thread: Does It Ever End?

  1. #1
    Senior Member kickinglamb's Avatar
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    Does It Ever End?

    THE PAIN, IT COLORS MY DAY, THE PAIN IT WIPES OUTS OUT MY CONCENTRATION, THE PAIN IT RUINS A ONCE SUNNY PERSONALITY, THE PAIN IT ALL BUT SAPS MY LAST BIT OF AMBITION.
    IT'S TURNING ME INTO A MONSTER.
    DOES IT EVER END?
    NO MORE NARCOTICS, I ALREADY TAKE WAYYYY TOO MUCH, MAXXED OUT ON GABAPENTIN TOO. DON'T REALLY NEED 80MGS OF BACLOFEN, NEVER REALLY DID HAVE SPASMS. BUT WHEN I DO THEY HURT BUT NOT LIKE MY BUTT AND HIPS THEY HURT ALL THE TIME.
    WILL IT EVER END?
    DOES IT LESSEN?
    DOES DEPRESSION MAKE IT WORSE?
    I'VE BEEN WORKING MY ASS OFF IN P/T,dOES THAT HELP?
    PLEASE ADVICE,COMMENTS,
    LORI
    Please Visit My Blog at: http://queenquad.blogspot.com

    But those who wait on the Lord
    Shall renew their strength;
    They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
    They shall run and not be weary,
    They shall walk and not faint
    Isaiah 40:31

  2. #2
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Sorry you're having such a rough time of it, Lori.

    In my experience, yes, depression makes everything worse.

  3. #3
    Senior Member kickinglamb's Avatar
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    thanks lynnifer,
    if only you knew the half of it.
    love, lori
    Please Visit My Blog at: http://queenquad.blogspot.com

    But those who wait on the Lord
    Shall renew their strength;
    They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
    They shall run and not be weary,
    They shall walk and not faint
    Isaiah 40:31

  4. #4
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    I think all of us here have reached what we thought was the bottom of the barrell at one time or another. Have you thought about speaking to a counsellor or psychologist? You've been through an awful lot in the past few months and maybe a stranger's perspective could help you sort out your feelings.

  5. #5
    Lori,
    I agree with Lynnifer... depression makes EVERYTHING worse. Pain and depression are a horrible cycle. If you can break the cycle in some way, either by lessening the pain or the depression, things have a chance to improve. You are going to PT, which is the BEST thing you can do for yourself. I think it's great. I have no idea what you are doing for your depression, but I hope you are getting help with that as well... medication, therapy, whatever works for you. With the positive changes you are making for yourself, things will hopefully look up soon for you.

  6. #6
    Like they say, pain makes you depressed, depression makes the pain worse, and on & on. It's really hard to break that, but that's the key.
    PT (although it itself is painful!) has I think helped my wife with depression, so has weekly talks with a psychologist. Seeing her friends regularly has been very important. Is there something you can use to distract yourself? How did you feel when you were painting?
    - Richard

  7. #7
    Senior Member Broknwing's Avatar
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    Lori-
    Karla, Lynnifer and Robert have hit on the pain/depression cycle...I think you have that aspect covered here, SO let me hit on something else you've mentioned...You say you've maxed out on Gabapentin(Neurontin)...Have you tried a different med for the Neuropathic pain? I take Topamax, others take Lyrica. I found that at 3600mg/day pretty much all the Neurontin did for me was cause me weight gain and depression. YES, depression is a MAJOR side effect of Neurontin, therefore, it can be counterproductive as a pain med for you. It also gave me a foggy brain and made it difficult to concentrate and focus on things. I've found MUCH MUCH more relief myself on the Topamax at a MUCH lower comprable dosage.

    As far as the narcotic pain meds, have you tried changing those as well? maybe not MORE, but again DIFFERENT meds...Sometimes you just won't respond as well to one med as to another.

    The key however is to only change one med at a time, don't start changing everything at once b/c if you do that you then don't know what the correct/effective change actually was.

    With your PT do you do pool therapy? This would GREATLY help with your pain and spasms...If your facility has a pool, try to get in some pool/aquatic therapy in addition to the exercises you're doing now.
    'Chelle
    L-1 inc 11/24/03

    "My Give-a-Damn's Busted"......

  8. #8
    Senior Member artsyguy1954's Avatar
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    Hi Lori! I have constant neurological pain as well, so I know what you are going thru. You are not alone. Does it ever stop? I wish I knew. I wish it would. I am not maxed out on Gabapentin yet, but I will have to increase the dosis. It's becoming less effective for me and I may have to go to a different drug eventually

    Like yourself I find too that the constant nagging pain is sapping my energy and ambition and concentration too. I am an artist as well but haven't been able to finish a painting yet since My SCI. I found that easy, "brainless" diversions such as TV and movies help me forget the pain, so that is where I unfortunately tend to gravitate. Computers and the internet help too but anything truly creative I find hard to do. Sorry I couldn't be more supportive.
    Step up, stand up for:
    http://www.stepnow.org

    'He not busy being born is busy dying." <Bob Dylan>

  9. #9
    Hey BW ya know,you coulnd't be more right about the ,well actually ALL anti siezure meds had this affect on me,but lyrica was by far the worst,along with gabitril.although,the neurontin really didn't actually 'do' anything for me in any way,the gab and the lyrica,wow.i was actually going to speak with my primary about raising my lexapro back up to 20mgs whi;e i was still on the lyrica as i was just becomming really really much more depressed than usual.with all i have had going on,combined with the deaths recently of two people i loved dearly(both amazingly due to ALS,unbelievable really)i just assumed my depression was once again,getting the best of me.

    well at my last PM visit mostly because of the extreme side effects i was having from lyrica,we decided to go off of that but wait about a month or two(if i could get thru this time) without any anti siezure meds at all,mostly because i told my PM that since the day of my first fusion surgery way back in 01,i had constantly been on some sort of anti S med and we both wanted to really gage my pain fully without any in my system so we could evaluate it at my next visit and kind of decide what to do next.despite the fact i was really apprehensive about doing this,i really wanted to actually "feel' just what exactly was there and what had been affected by the anti S meds for all these years.

    honestly,since having the lyrica completely out of my system now for about three weeks,i have actually had a few days(not counting the pain,just how i really feel inside my head)that i would actually call great.now i have not had anything even close to feeling great or really even good,for many many years now.this was actually quite the eye opener.i have been relying mostly on my TENS,the lido patches(but cut apart and set in certain places on my knee as other spots on my knee when the lido is used will actually trigger some sort of restless leg crap in just one side of my knee.very hard to explain)and also on the central pain in my arm.i also found out that none of the actual anti S meds really had any effect at all on my central up to this point.none really.that pain has not changed with or without the anti s meds.but it diid effect my RSD knee and other little areas.i have also been using the prudoxin cream.this for some reason is about the only thing that helps with the neuro pain both RSD on my knee and mostly the central on my arm and shoulder blades.i was actually first Rxed the prudoxin while still in rehab after my surgery just strictly for the central pain,and it worked at least some to take the major stinging and the hypersensitivity away anyway.

    but this little 'break" from the anti S meds has been amazing for my depression.really amazing.to say i have had even one great day,for me,well it really IS totally amazing to me.like i said,my depression was getting soo bad on the lyrica that i was going to actually ask my primary to up my lexapro,but once off the lyrica,its like alot of what i was feeling has just been "lifted' i don't feel as SUPpressed either.just keeping to myself all the time and not wanting to DO anything type thing?i also have much more energy without those too.

    on the downside tho,my knee pain flares have been just twice as bad as when i am on the anti S meds,so thats been sucking alot.but man,what a total eye opener this has been for me.now the trick is going to be to find some sort of anti S med to treat my pain without placing me back into the severe depression i had been suffering and attributing just to me,and me alone.i just never realized what a very strong effect the anti S meds were actually having on me and my depresssion.i just 'feel' mentally,so much better,and much more clear headed and just plain "here" ya know?

    i just thought i would mention this as i know without a doubt there are many people here who are on the anti S meds who have some pretty significant depression.i truely was amazed at the total change in my depression after i went off all anti S meds,totally.if it is at all possible for any of you to actually go off these,even for just a few weeks,you may find out what i did.i never ever would have attributed my really bad depression to my anti s meds,ever.i am wondering if the raise in pain and just handling it the way i have been may even be worth just not feeling so incredibly depressed and suppressed and soo non energetic.there has been THAT much difference in me.i hope to find a balance between the med and my depression at some point,but honestly,i get depressed just thinking of going back onto yet one more new anti S med again.shudder!!good luck people,marcia

  10. #10
    Pain & the stress it causes is a vicious cycle. Like was already stated.....pain = stress, which in turn makes the pain worse. Sometimes I just wanna scream & do. Does it help? nope Does it release a bit of frustration? Oh yea. I do talk to a pshycologist & it does help to just vent.

    People always wanna tell me that I am depressed. My response is always....I'm not depressed, I'm in pain!!! What part of that don't people get? If I am depressed, it's not like I don't have a good reason.

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