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Thread: I'm going crazy!!

  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Marcia. If you want to go away for a weekend you just fill up the refrigerator with some food and a couple of beers, that’s basically it, then you’re off

  2. #12

    To thine own self be true

    I've been involved with caring for my brother since his SCI Memorial Day weekend. I took two days off & I was definitely overdue. And I'm not even his primary caregiver. Good that you recognized that you were "going crazy" & asked for a reality check.
    I've heard the airplane analogy a lot: First get the oxygen mask on you, because without it, you can't function.
    Or: if there isn't enough oil in the engine, it will overheat from too much friction.
    Or: when we're driving a car we're constantly adjusting the steering to keep the car on course. In life we're also going a little too much this or that way. We're self-correcting. As time goes on, you'll get better at knowing when you're approaching-- or at-- overload. Be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you're being to your husband.
    All the best, -M

  3. #13
    My husband is C5 quad and I am his only caregiver. I would never get up at night, even at his level. I have never needed a day away in 6 years because even with no hand function, he is very independant. He always tells me to stop helping so much. Tell your husband to suck it up and try! Get away, you deserve it!

  4. #14
    Senior Member queen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Garden on the Green, Indiana

    Monkey you need a break for sure

    If you don't have to read for hubby saddle him up to this post and have him read a few bars....

    If that doesn't work, make a list for him of all the things he does for "Show and Tell" when company comes...that he asks you to do. Then later when he needs something,,,,share it with him... "you did it then, why not now?"

    Right now he's being very selfish, sounds like the needs of two 5 year olds
    would be easier to handle.

    I can never understand why these ppls would rather grind their wives or
    hubbies into the ground rather than having some outside help from time to time. You certainly seem to love him, where's the love for his wife?

    I'll tell you as I told someone else. Fix yourself a "large" glass of iced tea,
    go out to the front porch or deck and sip in slowly...30 minutes maybe.
    Then increase the time he screams and hollers when you come
    into the room again....just turn around (say nothing) and leave the room.
    Wait 10 -15 minutes and go in again,,,,(saying nothing)....leave the room
    again if he starts bellowing...he'll soon get the picture.

    Your life is what you make it, and only you have that choice!

  5. #15
    Senior Member justadildo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    rocky mountain high
    run....far away......for a long rhino, i live alone at c-4 thru 6 with no hands, and i dont have an accessible home either...theres no reason for him to need a babysitter........i, like many here, at extremely higher injury level than he, don't have the luxury of a gopher or partner....i have a pca come in twice a week.....imo, someone needs to suck it up and pull their head out..........and don't take your cell phone with you

  6. #16
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    North Carolina, USA
    Two words for you:


    Kick his ass into being pro-active. He is using you, being manipulative, and is simply LAZY. This has nothing to do with the reality of SCI (at a T level for pete's sake). He is just using it as a pathetic excuse. Do not enable him. It takes a huge toll on you and tell him to deal with or not, but you aren't going to to be his hand maiden.

    Make sure he has the minimum and LEAVE for a week, say tomorrow. Show him he actually can survive. ** rolling my eyes and handing over the frying pan to whack him on the head **
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  7. #17
    Senior Member queen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Garden on the Green, Indiana
    I love the way your talk, Zillazangel...

    are you a no nonsense person, hahhaha, by chance are you a Sister to Judge Judy.

    She's tough and so are you!

    Your life is what you make it, and only you have that choice!

  8. #18
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    bellevue, wa, usa
    Yes, for God's sake, take a few days off. You can't maintain a marriage in the long run if you let him get away with this.

    The telling thing is that he's different when his friends are there . . . you know perfectly well what this means (he doesn't really need you!)--so don't argue with him about it.

    Just say, I noticed you handled doing (whatever it was) really well, good for you. I'm glad you're so capable, because I need a break. I'm going to check into a hotel room for a couple of nights; is there anything you need before I go?

    Then go.

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Everwett WA

    Yes--don't argue with him about it! Just provide the basics for him and go! And don't be available for frequent phone calls--prearrange a time for touching bases, but don't let him ruin your R&R time by hounding you; one call a day to say 'Hi, how are things going?', should be plenty. And if he starts making demands, just tell him you'll see him (later, soon, tomorrow, Tuesday, or whatever time you plan to be back home), and politely hang up.

    Wouldn't it be nice if some of his friends dropped by while you were gone and he began showing them how well he gets by alone...?

    And wouldn't this be a treat: that you gave him a call to see how he's doing, say on the second day away, and he brags to you about the stuff he's doing for himself? There's a hopeful goal to hold in mind!

    Good luck!

    Tana, Jake's mom

  10. #20
    I was only referring to all the things that Monkey now has to do that her husband used to do (not in the middle of the night), after Bob's comment that he should be able to do 90% of what he did before.

    Definitely get away for a few days, your sanity and peace of mind is very important and he should appreciate you not abuse you.

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