View Poll Results: How and when was your child injured?

48. You may not vote on this poll
  • Accident - between ages 0-5

    4 8.33%
  • Accident - between ages 6-10

    4 8.33%
  • Accident - between ages 11-15

    8 16.67%
  • Accident - between ages 16-upwards

    27 56.25%
  • Illness - between ages 0-5

    1 2.08%
  • Illness - between ages 6-10

    1 2.08%
  • Illness - between ages 11-15

    2 4.17%
  • Illness - between ages 16-upwards

    1 2.08%
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Thread: For parents of SCI kids

  1. #11
    I really admire Robyn's take on this. She sounds a lot like my own mom. I think one reason that SCI and other injuries are so traumatic to families is because you see what life was like before. I have been disabled since birth; my mom knows no different. She had to raise me on her own and "make it work." I'm sure there are times where she's felt sad and guilty, but I've never really seen them. I guess I'm grateful for that.

    Another reason why able-bodied people have such a hard time coping with disability is because it's hard for you to see that using a wheelchair isn't nearly as tragic as you think it is. There's no way to explain this to you if you haven't been there yourself. Your children's lives have taken a course far different than what you would've imagined, expected or hoped for but that doesn't mean that all is lost. A life spent using a wheelchair or another mobility device is still a life worth living. I came into this world weighing barely 2 pounds and not breathing on my own. Really, I shouldn't be here. But life with a disability is better than no life at all. Spend two seconds thinking about the alternative, and you'll be thankful for what you have.
    Disclaimer: I use voice dictation software, due to chronic tendinitis. Any gibberish-type errors in this post are due to the software's stupidity, not my own. Protect your arms and hands from overuse, people!

  2. #12
    NJenn, I agree with a lot of what you say. Looking at the poll, I suppose that the parents/families of the 50% group of 16 & older accidents must in many ways have it the hardest. At that age a parent has been through so much with the child, crossed so many thresholds, and is on the verge of seeing him/her become a young adult - that to suddenly have all that crumble must be an enormous shock and adjustment. Of course, life does go on, and life can be very good and very happy, but it is not as it should have been or could have been. Loss is there no matter how well you adapt to it, and opportunity/choice does diminish no matter how much you want it not to.

  3. #13
    I fall into the category of having a child 16+ who was injured. It has been 3 1/2 years. I am such a different person now. I continue to feel my family has been swept up in something akin to what refugees must feel. All the underpinnings of a life are loosened by this kind of trauma. The history of all the nurturing and the pain associated with the wonderful memories just continue to tug at you. I'm OK, but momentary breakdowns are common and, in a strange way, motivating.

    I believe adjustment will come for me but I'm not there yet. I also believe restorative therapies are possible. It is infuriating that the hope of solutions is denied due to a lack of political will. In fact, I do not want to be well adjusted as long as there is work to be done.

    SCI has to be fought on so many levels: emotions, finances, health, spirit; socially all your personal relationships change. All my friendships are different and many acquaintances have gone to the wayside. LOL. They are probably tired of hearing about Noah and hope and cures and all the other baggage we now carry. They can't relate and I don't care so I've become a little isolated.

    That is why CC is so special. The peer group and community understanding is muy simpatico. I don't know what I need but I know I find it here.

    "Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence." Lin Yutang

  4. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Perth Western Australia
    Our daughter was 20, it happened almost 9 months ago. She was a pedestrian got hit by a truck. For the first month we didnt know whether she would live or die, that was the hardest. We had been to hell and back before her accident with other personal issues so this should have been the straw that broke the back of our marriage. It didnt, we have come out of it stronger. My daughter will never see me pity her or cry for her, Ive been through that and thats not what she needs now, that would put an unbearable burden on her to cope with our grief. She has all our love and support, we dont look backwards. Many of the things john put in his post I feel too.

  5. #15
    My son was 17, when in September 2002 he was robbed and shot in the back. Almost four years later, still frozen in time somehow....
    I can relate to all your comments about the aftermath of this tragedy.
    Never have I even come close to be able to move on, to not feel the whirlwind of emotions day after day.
    Group Hug

  6. #16
    I've had the opportunity to work with several handicapped children, not all SCI. It seems that the larger majority have single parent house holds than both mom and dad. As the case of one girl born with problems, she was given up for adoption while her healthy twin was not.

    I was three when I was in my accident. I am fortunate that my parents have stayed together all these years and have always been there for me. I don't know how much longer they will physically be able to do it, but I have rarely seen them do the what ifs.
    C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

  7. #17

    Parent of sci son

    Hi my son was inured when he was 16 in a car acident.I also wonder everyday what ifhe didint go see his grandparents that day. It still tears me up inside.i miss him palying football baseball hanging out with his friend.I long that for him.I also wish it had happen to me instead of my son.His sibling still cry because what he will not be able to expierence and do wth them.It doesnt just take atoll on the parents but as well as the whole family.

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by trainman
    I've had the opportunity to work with several handicapped children, not all SCI. It seems that the larger majority have single parent house holds than both mom and dad.
    This is true, with a few peer reviewed papers to back it up.

    The kids had disabilities-- and they may or may not have been handicapped by society, their parents, their situation, whatever. There's a big difference between disabled and handicapped.
    Last edited by NJenn; 08-17-2006 at 07:16 PM.
    Disclaimer: I use voice dictation software, due to chronic tendinitis. Any gibberish-type errors in this post are due to the software's stupidity, not my own. Protect your arms and hands from overuse, people!

  9. #19
    Wow what an interesting thread. I wasn't a child but was definitely acting like one when I was injured. My daughter has said she wished she were in the wheelchair which made me so sad. It definitely affects the whole family. My dad adjusted a little slower than my mom but she saw me progressing more in rehab. We are closer now. My parents have come to see me more since this happened than the entire other eight years I lived here combined.
    I hope nothing ever happens to my children.
    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

  10. #20
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    marysville, wa
    My life and my sons life changed 7-23-05 when he was paralyzed from a motocross accident. He is now a c-1,c-2 and vent dependent. He is and always will be the love of my life. He is here and shouldn't be according to the doctors. Nothing is the same and time to ones self is few and far between. We have an awesome support group in our family and friends. He needs 24/7 care due to his vent and at times it can all be a bit overwhelming. I am his primary caregiver and have been his sole advocate since the day it happened. My heart goes out to anyone that is in this position.

    Just a mom who loves her son more than life itself.
    Last edited by quadsmom; 12-18-2006 at 11:00 PM.

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