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Thread: Need your thoughts on this!!

  1. #1

    Question Need your thoughts on this!!

    I've been thinking of "trying" to track down my close friend at the time (driver of my accident) and break the ice. He saw me twice in the hospital (1977) when I was bad (impaled with tubes and a vent). The big guy broke down and it wasn't good. I havn't seen or heard from him in 29 years. I heard he wasn't doing to good.

    I wonder if I tried to make contact with him if that would be negative. I told him it was an accident and it was OK in the hospital. All he said "was I didn't see the car, I didn't see the car ". I know he's married and has kids now. I just don't want to mess him up.

    Maybe it's good I don't contact him and let him live his life. Anyone else have a similar situation
    Last edited by FreeBird; 07-12-2006 at 09:36 PM.
    Lynarrd Skynyrd Lives

  2. #2
    Yes, I'm in a similar situation. My accident was nearly 28 years ago. In the car were my parents, my sister and I, and our neighbors (mom, dad, 2 daughters). The neighbor dad was at the wheel when we were struck by a drunk driver. Not long after the accident, they (our neighbors) stopped speaking to us. I think it was because both their daughters died in the accident. Anyway, I tracked them down about a year ago. I have their home address and their phone number. I'm still trying to decide if I should write to them or not. As much as I would like to hear from them, I'm not so sure they would like to hear from me.

  3. #3
    That's a tough situation, FreeBird. Obviously I don't know the background of your friendship, but perhaps enough time has passed that the two of you can continue the relationship if you're good friends.

    After my accident a woman that stopped at the scene wrote a letter to my mom to kind of wish me luck (for lack of a better term) and tell my mom that she'd raised a kind young man. She gave my mom her address (email and street). My mom had planned to write back to her, but never has. Maybe three years ago I decided to try to write to her to see if she had any details of my accident, since I didn't remember anything. It had been four years since my accident, but I was hoping for anything she might remember. Unfortunately, I never heard back. I don't know if she never got the email, or just didn't want to respond. Maybe I'll try to contact her again some day.

    If you want to get in touch with your friend to continue your friendship, I don't see any harm in trying. It's possible that it will bring up bad memories for him, and he doesn't want to be around you because it reminds him of what happened. You should be prepared, since that could happen. It's nice of you to take his reaction into consideration. If you really do miss him and want to be friends again, then it's worth a try. Personally, I like to catch up with old friends or acquantinces. I have a good memory though, and most people don't remember me being in a wheelchair (if they do remember). There were a few times in college where I said hi to someone I had not seen in a while and was met with a blank stare.

  4. #4
    Maybe it will be good for him, maybe his problems are due to guilt. Some years ago the boy who's lap I was sitting on during the accident contacted me. I knew he had much guilt, I saw it every time he came to the hospital to see me, which is why I told him not to come back. Anyway, we got together and talked a few times it was quite strange because I'm so used to it being "my" accident, forgot there were 2 others who can say that to. I think it was healing for him, he was about to get married and I think he wanted to resolve it before that. I haven't spoken to the driver though, I know he felt guilty too, but he doesn't live in the area.
    Embrace uncertainty. Hard problems rarely have easy solutions. Jonah Lehrer

  5. #5
    i can't relate bc my accident was solo.. i agree with les tho', this could be a nice guilt release. i hope that you pursue it..

    Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches. It's more like a jar of jalapenos--What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

    If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby. Carlos Mencia

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    the land downunder
    I really can't say whether you should or shouldn't but just wanted to share my experience and hope that it helps you to make yours.
    The guy who was the cause of my accident was a friend but not a close mate,he called when I was in ICU but my dad told him to piss off and not to call ever again etc etc.So for the next couple of years I lived with a lot of hate towards him, felt physically sick if I ever saw him and took a lot of my anger out on my girlfriend.
    One night after a heated argument with her she said to me " I'm going out for a few hrs to cool down, and while I'm out you deceide on whether or not your going to do something about your anger". I knew exactly what she was saying to me. I called the guy up straight away and said "hey we need to talk" he came around the next day for a few hrs, we cried , we talked and we smiled.
    That day has forever changed my life, a weight was lifted from me that was just eating me up inside.
    I knew that I had to forgive him so that I could move on and not live with the terrible feeling that I always had in the pit of my stomach everytime I thought of him.
    We now live miles apart but still keep in touch on b'days xmas etc.
    Your mate would probably be still carrying around a lot of guilt even after all this time,I think by calling him and breaking the ice is a great jesture on your behalf.I think for some of us we need to do it because it means we have come to a different stage in our lives I guess, but I also know for others it is too painfull and I can totally relate as well.
    Good luck with what you deceide to do and keep us posted.

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