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Thread: Ok it's a saturday night

  1. #1
    Member htran's Avatar
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    Ok it's a saturday night

    It's been a little over a year since the accident and I'm sitting here writing on this forum on a saturday night.. Wow didn't think my life would suck this bad. Don't get me wrong I still feel bless to have what I have and to be alive, but man saturday night and I'm home. Pre sci, I'm out with my husband and friends, going to the movies or eating out or going to the bars while the kids spent the night at their cousins house. I guess I can still do all the stuff since I'm a para, but at times I'm self conscious about myself.. I'm getting better day by day. Just the other day I had a guy stare at my feet when I was rolling by and so I asked him if there was a problem. He stop staring. Tonight there is a birthday party at my friends house and I'm not going because I don't want the questions or stare. Plus his house is small and there's going to be alot of people there. Is it me? or do u guys feel the same.. I want to live my life to the fullest, go where I want to go, do what I want to do. Why am I afraid of what people think of me. A cripple....
    s

  2. #2
    Senior Member mjschaef's Avatar
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    When I see adults staring at me, I just ask them if they want a ride... hehe

    When kids stare, well, I just smile. They usually turn to their parents and ask why that guy is in a wheelchair. The innocence of children makes me happy.

    I have to say, I lost pretty much all self-consciousness during rehab. Not an ounce left. Stare away world - I have a front row seat for my own show. LOL

    Sounds like you are just getting there slower than I did, but you will get there.
    --------------------
    "On November 2 the voice of the people was heard. I promise not to imitate it out of respect for the mentally retarded" - Lewis Black (Comedian)

  3. #3
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Eventually you will get tired of staying at home and go the other way - when you're ready. When people stare - I stare right back. Usually they get the message.

    ETA: And I'm at work .. my 7th 10hr shift midnight in two weeks. I'm tired and cranky and between two fight calls because of drunks!
    Last edited by lynnifer; 07-09-2006 at 03:48 AM.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  4. #4
    Senior Member Broknwing's Avatar
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    Ok, so it's Sat nite....if you wanna go out, GO OUT!!!! no reason why you can't....You need not worry what people think of you, if they've got a problem, it's their problem, not yours....If people stare at you, stare back...it makes them really nervous(seriously, this is what I do and it makes people quit staring)...I personally really don't care what "people" think of me, random people out and about I could care less....I never cared before I don't care now...If you're concerned about what your friends think, they probably think that they miss you, that you're not around like you used to be...You should go to tonite's b-day party, your friend would probably be hurt knowing that you're not there b/c you don't wan't people looking at you, he wants you there celebrating with him.

    About a month and a half ago I got the opportunity to see a bunch of friends at a party that I hadn't seen since before my accident(11/03) and they were just THRILLED to get to see me. Some of them asked questions, but they were more happy just to get to hang with me again...I'm sure that's the primary thing your friends are wanting too, to hang with you, spend time with you....You are the same PERSON you were before, right?

    You shouldn't be afraid of what people think, if they think less of you, it's THEIR problem, not yours...You're using the word cripple in a negative way, a LOT of us here have taken back the word and use it in more of a relaxed or humorous way...Don't think "oh, I'm a poor cripple now" YOU"RE NOT!!!! You've got an SCI, but you've still got a life, a family, and friends who want to see you....get out and live it...If you're going to use the term "cripple" use it like the rest of us in a more positive upbeat manner, don't think of it as a negative or deragatory term anymore.....A lot of what you're dealing with is psychological, but simple changes can make a world of difference....

    Seriously try the stare back at strangers if they stare at you.....it works and makes them feel uncomfortable.....I bet I've forced many a people into no longer staring at people....

    Now, go out to your friends b-day party, enjoy yourself and don't worry about what people think of you....They think you're the same person you were before and they want to see you....
    'Chelle
    L-1 inc 11/24/03

    "My Give-a-Damn's Busted"......

  5. #5
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    Oh frick girl, I know exactly what you mean. I'm answering your post on a Saturday night and if I had never recieved this injury I'd be getting drunk and planning on having unsafe sex with a girl that would most likely later in life stick a knife in my gut because I left her for someone else. Just kidding... but seriously, I'd be partying right now too.

    It does suck doesn't it? As a matter of fact after watching a movie tonight here at home which ended at 12:30, I went out back on the deck and I was just kind of starring at the moon. While sitting out there in the dark smelling the night air I was having flash backs of the good old times. All the party nights running around while the air was crisp and the ashvalt was still warm. Going from bar to bar getting drunk and then heading out to a bush party to most likely watch a fight and stand around the huge fire. Then hook up with a naughty girl and letting her abuse me for a while. All the old memories really bummed me out tonight.

    I also know what you mean by being self conscious. I'm also the same way, I can't be like some of the people that just go out in the world without a care. I also have a problem with worrying about how people look at me and treat me. I'm getting used to it but this is my third year of this crap and I'm pretty much sick of it. Hang in there htran and I guess I will too.

    Yours tuely bummed out tonight also,
    Dave.

  6. #6
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    This may sounds glib, but you just have to get out there and go where you want to go. It's your life to live, don't resign yourself to cripple status. If you wait for people to act perfectly around you (or any of us), you'll be waiting forever. Go to your friend's party, it'll take some adaption getting in , and then manuvering, but you can do it. And once you knock a drink or two back, you'll feel less self-conscious. What i'm trying to say, is that it only gets better the more you put yourself out there.

    I go to house parties a lot, i've had an odd night so my spelling may be bad. i scoot up the stairs, people usually make a bit of room and i recruit some boy to carry up the chair. I just smile, joke around a bit, even prepare quips about the chair in case (i'm gonna get a T-shirt made: will walk for beer) and exude some determination: I'm here to have a good time. Doesn't mean i never feel out of place or awkward, but people are receptive once they see you are here to enjoy yourself and others company. Other people take their cues on how to act around you FROM YOU so if you set a jovial tone, it diffuses the tension that may be there. If people start asking questions you don't want to answer, just say it's a long story, and too heavy for saturday night then change the subject to something you want to chat about. The more you get used to the social situations in a chair, the better you get at thinking up witty answers or leading the conversation in a direction you want to take it. You Have the pOwer! (Just tonight, i was passing a beer garden on campus, and this man comes up to me with beer in hand and tells me he loves me, I asked him how many drinks he's had to tell a random girl that. it turns out he thought i had MS, and he was inspired. weird encounter but I ended up I crashing his MS fundraiser beer garden and getting to drink for free all night! )

    In really crowded places, honestly, it's a bitch to get around, and i've had numerous drinks spilled on me, but every night has its ups and downs. And i'm adamant that i will squeeze all i can out of life, and more often than not, i'm glad i went out even if it's not a easy or spontaneous as before.

  7. #7
    I know exactly how you feel. One year after I broke my neck I was in a similar frame of mind..........ignore the stares (there probably isn't as many as you think) and just get out there. It takes getting used to but I'm out all the time now 18 months post. Slowly getting my confidence back.

    If you don't force yourself you risk spiralling lower and threatening your relationship.

    Make an effort....take some pics and watch your mood change...........it's amazing how easily your friends come back into your life when you smile more
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

  8. #8
    I could give two shits about what someone thinks about me.... I'm drunk at the moment so that might help. Waffle house isn't open over here which sucks..... I was REALLY craving Waffle House..... DAMMIT

  9. #9
    Senior Member Broknwing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WonderDerek
    I could give two shits about what someone thinks about me.... I'm drunk at the moment so that might help. Waffle house isn't open over here which sucks..... I was REALLY craving Waffle House..... DAMMIT
    WTF is wrong w/your Waffle house? They're sposed to be 24 hr!!!!! Boycot AWFUL..I mean Waffle house... Sometimes ya just need the waffles, grease and syrup...........ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH......(and I-Hop isn't the same... )
    'Chelle
    L-1 inc 11/24/03

    "My Give-a-Damn's Busted"......

  10. #10
    I discovered another great thing about living in the city on Friday.....Subway is 100 yards from my door and still open at 3am

    The mess this drunken quad can make with a footlong meatball sub has to be seen to be believed
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

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