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Thread: How Do We Tell Him?

  1. #1
    Junior Member DNikolai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Louisville, KY

    How Do We Tell Him?

    Hi all,

    Well I just returned from the hospital and Jeremy is doing well. However none of us have said the words paralized or quadrapalegic around him. I guess we just all kinda of thought that he was aware of his condition. Well then tonight one of his friends visited and as soon as Jeremy saw him he got very excited and wanted to get up. Then he starts saying to me and my sister "Ya all got me strapped down so tight I cant f*****g move, this is b******t." My sister was trying to calm him down and telling him we are just trying to get you better and then he said "Theres something your not tellin me" She just didnt repond except to continue to try to calm him.
    What do we do? Do we tell him now or should we wait until he is a little stronger? He is doing great as far as his BP and heart rate and everything and he is just now a week post fusion surgery and is already moving his arms and twitching his fingers for the therapist. So we are just esatic but anyway........
    I dont know what to do - Im afraid that if we dont tell him he may be angry later that we didnt? But I dont know - I am going to have my sis ask to talk to a psychologist to see what he/she thinks as to when and how to tell him.
    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Junior Member DNikolai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Louisville, KY
    Hes also been saying thing the past couple of days about getting the "heavy" blankets off him so he can get up and go to the bathroom, the "straps" are too tight around him and tonite he told me he wanted to get up and walk - I told him we are working on it with the doctors - I just dont know what to do????????????????????

  3. #3
    I'm sorry I'm not very equipped to advise you. All I can say is that I'd rather know my medical condition rather than not know. Has the doctor told him what happened? Does he know what has happened?

  4. #4
    He should have been told something about his injury long ago. He already knows something is seriously wrong, and worrying about what that is can nearly be as bad as the truth.

    Call his physician and plan to meet the physician at his bedside and tell him about his injury. Don't let the physician tell him it is definately complete, or that he will not improve though. It is too soon to tell that. Ask the physician before had what he plans to tell Jeremy.

    What is the truth is that right now he is paralyzed, and that he will need to work hard in rehab to learn to use the function that he has, and hopefully will be lucky and will get more back. No one can tell how much or if he will get return at this point. It is important to both be honest and to sustain hope at this stage.


  5. #5

    Tell it the way it is

    Back in the day (1977) my Physician told me directly (that night) my condition. I was 20. I didn't face depression. I realized in the ambulance I was paralyzed. Be honest and direct and upfront. Sugar coating does nothing. JMO

    Please update or email me.

    Good Luck and hang in there.
    Lynarrd Skynyrd Lives

  6. #6
    Tell him the truth. Just don't say forever. Tell him nobody knows how it will work out.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Wow...... Noone really told me, i just knew it. But as a quad, i had shoulder and slight arm movement from the get go.

    I too vote tell him, explain abit, and very simply, what has happened, and stress only time will tell.

  8. #8
    I'm a new member, so sorry to stick my nose in where I dont' know what's going on - but do tell him right away as soon as you can. Don't tell him there's not going to be any recovery or that he'll never move again - don't tell him the injury is complete, but do tell him what you know. Keeping it from him is only going to spark resentment, terror, fear, and massive amounts of stress which he does not need.

    Knowing will produce grief and hurt, but that will come no matter when you tell him. Let it come without the resentment, or without as much of it as you can prevent at this point.

  9. #9
    I recall that it felt as though I was buried up to my neck in the sand at the beach. Everything felt so heavy.

    Best wishes for a good recovery.
    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

  10. #10
    You need to tell him, explain his injury a little, tell him that every SCI is different as is the possibilty of regaining function, independance and so on.

    I pretty much said the same things your nephew is coming out with and hadn't realised that I was paralyzed, or didn't want to realise that I was, I was convinced that it was something the doctors had done to me...
    It was about six weeks before someone actually told me and then it was my parents, they focused on the negative stuff, all the things I wouldn't be able to do, all the stuff I could no longer control and would have to have other people do for me. Those words stayed with me a long time and I let them stop me becoming as independant as I could be.
    I'm not saying that you should pretend that everything is going to be ok because it wont be nor will it be easy, but that you should try to help him to focus on the things he will still be able to do, the kind of life he could lead, don't let him give up and be there when he needs your support.

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