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Thread: What do I do?

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by prayer
    I just found out that my son was caught smoking pot outside at rehab last night. What was he thinking?????? He has been doing so good, working hard and making so much progress. Why would he do this? A friend brought it in....some friend. He's due to come home on Friday...I told him if that's what he wants to do (the pot), then he needs to find somewhere else to live. It's not something I can live with.
    He was probably thinking..........'Isn't it nice to still be able to do these things with my friends after a hard week in rehab'
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

  2. #12
    Prayer- I'm not sure how new this is to you and your son but the fact he is still in rehab is an indication that it's all pretty fresh. I think that as you proceed through the process of getting a house dialed for his needs, a car so he can get some where on his own and deal with the inevitable wrestling matches with his outlook and spirits, you will gain a different perspective on things like your boy smoking pot. At this stage of the game anything that he can find that gives him a sense of normalcy is key. whether the smoking gives him relief or not, the ritual of doing something with his friends will make him feel less like a patient and more like the person he was before the accident. your son is also going to need to feel like he can still "run with scissors" a bit. For me, recognizing that I still had the ability to do things on my own that none of the people helping care for me knew about was the realization that I could still have a life that didn't revolve around BP's, cathing and rehab. You all are on the front end of a pretty good struggle and you will do a lot better if you accept it as a team challenge. I would say that short of him robbing 7/11's, you should be tolerant of the small things and express your displeasure with the pot smoking but explore why he was smoking and have a real objective conversation with him about the effect. Nobody will gain a thing from a dialogue that either starts or ends with "finding another place to live." Drawing a hard line in the sand is only going to limit your ability to communicate openly and honestly with each other and this will be key to the direction you take as a family in dealing with this trajedy.
    -------------------------
    "...the most reliable and useful courage was that which arises from the fair estimation of the encountered peril..." Herman Melville: Moby Dick

  3. #13
    Hi Prayer,

    While in SCI rehab a few of us were out on the balcony smoking pot and a tattletale nurse reported smelling it to the doctor(s) in charge of the center. We denied it but were given a wrist slapping nonetheless and that was that.

    I only smoked it because everyone else was but at that time I really didn't enjoy it very much. Smoking pot makes me introspective and dwell on worrisome things and recently learning that I would be paralyzed for life wasn't something that needed dwelling on! It was difficult enough for me at that point in my life to handle my newly acquired screwed-up body and life, straight or even drunk.

    But pot tends to relax most people and as far as drugs go it's the least harmful of them all. They probably have your son on opium-like pain meds (opium is the "precursor" to heroin) and sedatives like Xanax or Ativan that are much more harmful, even if they are legal, than taking a few hits off a doober.

    A nurse at the SCI rehab once found a joint in my bedside table. She "reprimanded" me for it, put it her pocket and probably smoked it when she got home.... hell, maybe while on her break.

    Being totally drug-free is usually a preferable lifestyle but as long as he's just smoking a little pot I wouldn't worry about it too much. And to consider kicking him to the curb because of it is an over-reaction on your part bordering on cruelty.

    If he starts coming home drunk and causing a disruptive ruckus in your house then perhaps that would be grounds (after an adequate warning or two) for expulsion.

    Start worrying if you catch him snorting or shooting coke and/or meth or smoking crack and/or ice (smokable meth). That behavior would be a reason for considering serious consequences since it's only a matter of time before he would start robbing the household blind to support his habit! Pot smoking is nothing like that.

    Your login name is "prayer". You may want to pray about it for awhile and make a few compassionate exceptions for a bit of aberrant behavior on your son's part as he's going through the most horrifying life-altering situation that most people could ever experience. Turn a blind eye or turn the other cheek for awhile until your son gets his life in order. And try to be a caring and forgiving Mom especially in this time of your son's most considerable need.

    Best of luck to you and your son.

    EDIT:

    I just read this past post of yours.

    Quote Originally Posted by prayer
    Deena, my son too was having trouble keeping food down before he left rehab the 1st time and when he got home. Then he just had no appetite. He lost about 30+ pounds also...he looked so thin.. Still does. He didn't have any weight to spare either. His accident was in Feb and he is just now starting slowly to gain a little weight...he's in the low 130s now. He is in rehab again but due to come home Fri of next week. They have him drinking a nutrition shake also with his meals. Good luck and God bless ya.
    Marijuana is a known appetite enhancer. Cancer and AIDS etc victims smoke it to reduce nausea so they're able to eat.. and to keep down what they eat. Your son's pot smoking may (probably will) increase his appetite and help him put back on those badly needed pounds. There's usually a silver lining to most dark clouds.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by bob clark; 06-04-2006 at 12:10 PM. Reason: New Information
    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

  4. #14

    good point of view

    Quote Originally Posted by 9000ft
    For me, recognizing that I still had the ability to do things on my own that none of the people helping care for me knew about was the realization that I could still have a life that didn't revolve around BP's, cathing and rehab. You all are on the front end of a pretty good struggle and you will do a lot better if you accept it as a team challenge.
    i concur, this is a healthy reality
    Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened

  5. #15
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    Giving the ultimatum of finding another place to live is a bit harsh for a first offender. (first time you knew, first caught, etc)

    The sad thing is....he just might find another place to live and shut you out of his life totally.

    Take it with a grain of salt and talk to him about it and reason why you don't want him to smoke it. You can make the issue that it's your home and you said no. I can respect that for sure.

    But kicking him out on his own, please rethink the issue. Is it worth it?

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by nicotico
    dan that report forgot to mention the benifits of
    -manic cleaning
    -heightened creativity
    -helps hide keys
    -the giggles
    i am quite interested in how prayer's son is doing?
    That only happens after smoking too much crystal meth. So I've read.
    Daniel

  7. #17
    i agree on the carry over of past habits. so many of the thing i used to enjoy are no longer possible.

    kicking him out over something as petty as smoking cannabis is not the thing to be doing right now. i doubt anyone is ever as emotionally fragile as they are directly after a sci.

    have a level conversation with him about it. as long as it doesn't hinder progress what harm is there?

  8. #18
    Senior Member justadildo's Avatar
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    ....i can already smell the shit i'm gonna get for this one........"Prayer does not quiet spasms nor beat down central pain, but for alot of us, Pot does".....smoking just to be stoned is one thing, but after sci it can be a godsend when used as opposed to addictive narcotic prescriptions....

  9. #19
    Senior Member Annabanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RehabRhino
    He was probably thinking..........'Isn't it nice to still be able to do these things with my friends after a hard week in rehab'

    lol!!

  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by RehabRhino
    He was probably thinking..........'Isn't it nice to still be able to do these things with my friends after a hard week in rehab'
    that'd be what I'd be thinkin. fer sure. SCI is a tough thing. Let your son deal with it in his own way. Certainly it's your perogative to throw him out. You'd better make sure that pot smokin' isn't just an excuse for you to dump him and his problems.
    Daniel

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