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Thread: disgusted

  1. #21
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    I've had injections of muscle relaxers, and trigger point injections, but none changed the sensation I feel, even if they did relax tight muscles.

    This is really depressing. Even a little bit of typing aggravates my back. Between the ripping feeling of the scraped-off skin (what it feels like), and the popping shoulder blades when I move my arms, and constantly tipping toward the left and having to hook my right arm to pull back (thanks to the scoliosis), I don't even enjoy this any more. I feel so lopsided and uncomfortable.

    My right side has been getting worse for the past five years, but the MRIs show no change. My right leg feels weaker than the left, and throbs, though both feel heavy, and neither has any normal sensation. All the worst pain areas throb. My right shoulder blade has gotten almost as bad as my left. Not a fun existence.
    Last edited by alan; 05-22-2006 at 09:35 PM.
    Alan

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  2. #22
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    I know it probably doesn't help much ....... but I read these threads and weep with frustration .... wishing sooo much I could relieve all of your pain with the wave of a wand ..... I hope it helps you to know there are many of us who are reading wishing so much we could make it better .... I think of all of you ... often .... with my Reiki heart hoping against hope the energy reaches out to you ... if only for a moment .... hang in there Alan ... you gnarly old thing you ..... ...

    Obieone
    Last edited by Obieone; 05-22-2006 at 09:55 PM.
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  3. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by alan
    This is really depressing. Even a little bit of typing aggravates my back.
    Alan, haven't you tried Dragon NaturallySpeaking or one of the other voice-to-text programs?

  4. #24
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    I can't use them because of the abdominal pain's effect on my breathing and speaking. I've tried. Plus, I WANT to type. It was one of the few things I could do.
    Alan

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  5. #25
    Hi Alan,

    Seems like you can't catch a break. The Neurontin (gabapentin) I'm on was working at 3 x 300mgs + 1 x 600mgs at bedtime (whenever that is) for a total of 1500mgs a day. But just after a few months the effectiveness is waning so I'm starting to up the dosage on my own.... it's not as though the dose I'm supposed to take doesn't tire the hell outta me as it is and only reduces the stabbing pain somewhat. I can already hear my fuckin' doctor start her lecture about increasing the dose on my own when I call in for more... again.

    I miss the good old days... putting in a good 8 hours of work, driving home either in my car or on my motorcycle with a smile on my face then jumping on the couch for a little break. Then gettin' up, showering (used to take 5 minutes... not an hour) and diving into the bed for an hour or so of good sex with the girlfriend. Then maybe go out to golf, fish, hunt, ride the motorcycle or bar hop for little awhile or whatever. Life was good when the body was healthy.... smiles, fun and happiness were common events.... now it's just fighting with doctors, DMEs and Medicare and usually to no positive effect. I get so disgusted with this existence. I never feel just "good"....there's always something bad going on. And now the damn dog is picking up the bad habit of pissing on the carpeting at night.... oh joy.

    And I have it easy compared to you. Fuck this shit.
    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

  6. #26
    I can sooo relate bob.back when I used to have a life,i did good things.i was a firefiighter/EMT for about fifteen years,i also did volunteer work for our countys crisis center which also had a big part in helping victims of sex assults(women children and men)and also did work for women who were victims of domestic violence.I was always doing ride alongs with the cops..I mean i was useful and helped soo many people and actually had two cardiac arrest saves that i did mostly on my own only because i was in the right place at the right time.now this???what a bunch of flippin crap.I am angry and frustrated and not living the life i expected at age 45.and it just never stops.i keep getting dxed with some of the most bizarre weird freaky crap.I am currently awaiting my upcomming kidney failure and also have to go back in for my follow up angio on the wonderful aneurysm that was found and coiled last nov.i have been getting horrid headaches on that same left side that the aneurysm still lies,who knows?i mean come on,isn't having to live with the secondary SCIs enough??

    I HATE my body,just hate it.nothing even works right at all anymore.because of allthe tract damage and the sns damage,its like nothing went untouched.there is something wrong with like every area of my body now.even my temps are wayyy under normal now.when I hit 98.6.it is actually a low grade fever now for me.how screwed up is that?and then you just keep asking yourself,'why me"?what did I ever do to actually deserve to have to live like this/why doesn't this crap happen to all the mean nasty people out there who really deserve to have a sucky life?it just doesn't make any sense to me and I think that is what i have the biggest problem with ya know?i feel like i am just being punished for something.I get angry and soo sad just watching someone like jog down the side walk.you definitely don't really appreciate just what you have til it's all just gone, in a heartbeat.

    okay,I am done now,NEXT???have a mellow day guys,Marcia

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by firesmurf
    i feel like i am just being punished for something.I get angry and soo sad just watching someone like jog down the side walk.you definitely don't really appreciate just what you have til it's all just gone, in a heartbeat.
    I can't relate to the pain aspect because I am very, very fortunate not to suffer too badly but I relate to this sentence sooo much.

    I am just about to go and live on my own in an exciting city. This is very positive for me and I'm genuinely looking forward to it.

    However, every time I see someone coming home from the gym or a run and entering an apartment building I get this huge pang of disappointment that I am not taking this life step as an AB.

    To be able to wake up, do some weights, go for a run, pick up a newspaper, get back, shower and flop on the couch feeling that exercise buzz without all the planning and struggling half of that morning would take would make me so happy knowing now what life is like as a quad.

    I have to get over this and enjoy what I CAN do but that old life is still too recent to me.
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by bob clark
    Seems like you can't catch a break. The Neurontin (gabapentin) I'm on was working at 3 x 300mgs + 1 x 600mgs at bedtime (whenever that is) for a total of 1500mgs a day. But just after a few months the effectiveness is waning so I'm starting to up the dosage on my own.... it's not as though the dose I'm supposed to take doesn't tire the hell outta me as it is and only reduces the stabbing pain somewhat. I can already hear my fuckin' doctor start her lecture about increasing the dose on my own when I call in for more... again.
    I gotta say Bob, 1500mg of Neurontin is really low compared to what a lot of folks here are taking for pain. Neurontin is used for a variety of things and pain control seems to require a higher dose than anything else I've heard about. I've heard of more than one person who's worked all the way to 9600mg, and I caught wind of one person that sounded like they were even higher. I'm not about to recommend that kind of dose for everyone, but it's good to have a doc who will work with you to find out what it takes to really work. 3600-4800mg and higher is pretty common.

  9. #29
    Dear Bob Clark

    I always read your posts because they are so humorous. But this one... I haven't figured out the punch line. You say you have had to give up the satisfaction of productive work, the experience of normal bowel movements, recreation, sex, mobility, enjoyment, male activities, the sense of being really alive, and the ability to train your pet. What's your point?

    You need to fill in the last half so we can all smile with you. If you are having a hard time remembering it, here are some my friends have supplied to me, which may serve as your muse.


    I am sending you a motivational book about a quad who won a tricycle race
    Women cost a lot of trouble
    Shark bites don't hurt. Neither do bullet wounds, probably not crocodile bites or hippo bites either. People on yachts have appendectomies without anesthesia all the time, usually they perform the surgery themselves. Chainsaws hurt but only for a short time.
    Just imagine you are like the amputee knight in Monty Python's "The Holy Grail"
    There is no such thing as central pain or I would have heard of it and a severed cord can't feel pain, so no worries, mate.

    LOL
    Dej


    P.S. I would drop out of the monastery so I can adopt your phraseology of the English language in order to be more accurately descriptive of Central Pain, but wait, they say those same expletives about running out of gas, being fired, getting dumped, and when they block out "House" so we have to watch Bush's State of the Union address on his "vision" of another trip to the moon, so could you also please come up with some stronger expletives, REALLY strong would be good....REALLY REALLY strong would be better. You may have to go into hyperspace to come up with expletives like we really need, so maybe Bush's vision will work to our benefit. NASA is good at naming things, so maybe they can name the feelings generated by central pain. Thanks, and if you could come up with them quickly I would appreciate it because I am really burning, right now. Thanks and be glad loss of touch has enhanced your sense of smell, makes you pick up the odor of dog urine right away. Amazing how the brain compensates for ANY loss.
    Last edited by dejerine; 05-24-2006 at 06:36 PM.

  10. #30
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    I know I don't have all the words to describe these sensations. "Torture" is just an overall summary.

    Being a somewhat sick puppy, occasionally during a sleepless period, I wonder if a torture expert could create all the sensations I feel in a victim without killing him. Sure, he could scrape off all the victim's skin from the shoulders down (front and back), constantly douse the victim with alcohol, break his shoulder blades, vertebrae, and maybe his breastbone, glue his fingers, legs, and toes together, but how would he get all the victim's organs to hurt or feel swollen, and make most of the areas throb? Plus cause other sensations I've left out?
    Alan

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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