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Thread: New SCI with 18 yr old son

  1. #11
    right you are - at least he gets out of bed...... it will have to be a compromise for us both. Can't change rules in my house because of the injury. More responsible behavior leads to more latitude.... just like before his injury. Parenting doesn't change... I appreciate your reality

  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    North America
    If this helps at all, i sound a lot like your son, and he sounds alright.
    When i was 18, i had a snowboarding accident (T12), rehab'ed at record speed, and then, once i was out, after all the structured time in the hospital, then aimlessness, i spent most of my summer time sleeping, and hanging out. Remember you're son is still recovering, and he is 18. this sounds fairly normal. I didn't stop sleeping record amounts untill just a few months ago.
    I went back to college, but if he doesn't know what he wants to do yet (and SCI throws a wrench in that), he gonna wander for a bit.
    but remember that famous quote "Not all who wander are lost".

  3. #13
    Hey flyfisher,

    I met you, your son, and daughter while he was still in rehab(Marlene's). Was wondering how he was doing. Being tired and unmotivated can be normal. Is he going to school during the day? I was amazed how fast he went through the system, was down in rehab not even a week post injury and discharged soon after. He seems strong and with that low of an injury will do well. He really needs to get to those PT appoinments while his injury is fresh and he can maximize his return. He can give me a call whenever or I can get the number of my friend here in Bend I rehabbed with. He's around your son's age, t12, and just over three years post. Take care, hope to see you around

    Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--Mary Kay Ash

  4. #14
    Hi Brooke - yup it is us. All you say is true but it is him that needs the convincing about rehab. He amazed us kind of with his rehab but really that is way he has always been. Gets most things done in half the time so that is why this sudden attraction to partying way too much is driving us nuts. You could get me the phone number and maybe I could hook them up, thanks!

  5. #15
    Senior Member queen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Garden on the Green, Indiana
    Burst L#1 Mom here with a 28 year old son...but I remember vividly those years. I may be all wet, but here are some of my suggestions:
    1. Parental PowWow...clear the air on both sides about his possible depression? His MO may have always been to rush thru things, but he doesn't seem to be adjusting to his sci...he's just rushing full speed ahead (his inner MO style, remember) might be to ignore his limitations/sci and get right back where he was before the accident @ friends, late nights, etc.
    2.Discuss your's and his schedules. I would not permit those late nights/sleeping til noon or 2 in the afternoon.
    Your house remember so your rules still apply SCI or not. Ask yourself, would we allow him to do this if he wasn't sci?
    3. PT/ aqua PT would be mandatory in my house as well as him receiving a 3 month stint at the gym. That three month period of time once he got home would be Mine as a Mom, after that he can make some well thought out choices himself.

    I don't know his abilities at the moment, but he'd certainly have some responsibility around the house to help his parents out. If he's able to party til the wee hours, then he's capable of doing some things for you at home.

    I was a ((((mean))) Mom then, but today at 28, he can't seem to do enough for me now. I think I may have overdone the meanness and he's turned out just like me...pushing me to get moving, exercise, lots of "you can do this Mom"'s all coming back to haunt me...Haha

    Just my 2 cents with my experiences..

    Your life is what you make it, and only you have that choice!

  6. #16
    Flyfisher -
    Queen made some good points. There's a lot of denial going on here - not all bad, since he obviously can function reasonably well, and entirely understandable. Anyway, I recommend you read the PVA booklet on depression and SCI. Go to, then pva store, the clinical practise guidelines. Get the consumer guide #2. Some of the others might be useful for you, also.
    Sounds like Surf Sister is a good resource for you and him - someone who's been down pretty near the same road.
    All the best from the other side of the Cascades,
    - Richard

  7. #17
    All very true. We have told him these late hours are for the birds and his reply at times might be the good old "i"m 18 " crap. So what do you do? Lock the door? He is doing aqua therapy but have skipped his weights. I think it is because he doesn't want to be in the gym with others around - denial to me I feel. Surf sister - you are so right and I appreciate your outlook. I will go to the VA site and check out the booklet. He is on Zoloft but skipped the last 2 of his counselling session. Today will be a big pow wow - in all fairness living like this - tired and angry all the time sucks. Change is needed and I will try yet again. I will keep you posted.

  8. #18
    does your son have any siblings? positive motivators?
    Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened

  9. #19
    he has a 23 yr old sister who has gone through alot with this injury. She has care and concern and I will get her more involved. I've been trying to let her live her life as she is doing great. We lived in MT for 22 yrs and moved here almost 4 yrs ago so not many positive motivators in our circle. I think it is time to have some other SCI people over - he thinks that is weird as they are "stangers". He needs to get out of his comfort zone. Here's a question for anyone: Define what denial means?

  10. #20
    Well, I mentioned it, so...
    As I see it, denial is avoiding the problem; refusing to confront it, diverting attention elsewhere.
    Like, I know I have a roof that badly needs fixing. When I'm at work, I remember it. But on the weekend when I might have the time to work on it, do I even think of it? No, it doesn't occur to me then. A pretty trivial example of my unconscious diverting my attention away from a job I don't look forward to doing - a passive denial.
    Possibly your son is substituting the partying, etc. for the unpleasantness of the truth he doesn't want to face. I don't blame him! But like SurfSis says, he has a lot of recovering to do; it's hard to face it all at once. His body is recovering faster than his mind; the mind will catch up.
    I'm no expert, only my common sense which may be all wet. Perhaps one of the nurses might comment; they've probably seen this kind of thing before.
    - Richard

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