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Thread: suicide

  1. #71
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cass
    i admit, haven't read any of this thread beyond the topic. because after 20 yrs of sci, PAIN and now 13 yr old son i'm ready to toss in the towel. not die, but quit job, sell house, find good home for kid and just sit somewhere with my books until it's over. cause i just can't take any more.
    Cass .. I'm sorry to hear this, but we are all entitled to our bad days and bad thoughts. Whenever I'm having a particularly bad day, I think about you ... quadra AND working full time AND raising a teenager. That's mentor material for the rest of us. Hope today seems better.
    Make America Sane Again. lol

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  2. #72
    ty for all your kind words. been feeling this way for a while, tho. just seems like my reservoir of energy is used up.

    lynnifer, when you said "mentor material" i'm quite positive you meant to say "mental material."

  3. #73
    Hello,
    I'm in a bit of a rut. I have been injured for over 20 years. The first 15 years weren't so bad even though the level is a 2/3 - 3/4 C. So what has changed, I have nerve damage on my entire left side. It seems to be spreading to my groin area. My neck has become an issue as well, it's curved too much one way. My organs have had a rough go with infections and other issues. I do have two parents that are good caregivers... But I'm constantly thinking of death and suicide. My parents are aware of this and say can't live without you..
    Thanks for listening,
    Brian
    "Life's a Party and Your Not Invited"

  4. #74
    Sounds like you're going through a tough time. Noticing that your parents may be getting older and whether they can still care for you. Perhaps you are thinking of the future and so just suggesting that there might be someone to discuss your feelings, concerns. A friend, relative, someone you can confide in. There may be some medical issues to deal with.
    In short, please consider reaching out to someone. Parents, naturally, would be difficult to talk to if you are experiencing depression.

  5. #75
    Senior Member Tim C.'s Avatar
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    Let's talk suicide, nothing held back.
    We have a right to express our feelings on anything here yes?

    Is there free and open discussion permitted?
    Or are we poopooed and posts get deleted?
    Last edited by SCI-Nurse; 11-04-2016 at 07:11 AM.

  6. #76
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    What's there to talk about? If you want to kill yourself, do it. If you want to have a commiserating circle-jerk, get a therapist. If you want to be talked out of it, call a hot-line. Not very complicated.
    A Buddhist monk walked up to the guy working behind a hot dog cart and said, "Make me one with everything."

    "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus

  7. #77
    They are always there. By the end of the day it is usually the worst. Pain in a tough thing to conquer because it is very annoying. You learn how to struggle along.

  8. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oddity View Post
    What's there to talk about? If you want to kill yourself, do it. If you want to have a commiserating circle-jerk, get a therapist. If you want to be talked out of it, call a hot-line. Not very complicated.
    Great reply.
    Rollin' since '89. Complete C8

  9. #79
    The thought has come in and out... and maybe it's because I'm new to this. Maybe a lot of newly paralyzed feel this way. I couldn't imagine anyone losing this much and not having it pass their mind. Life has changed. Drastically. The negative outweighs the positive in every way when I compare what life was to what it is now. But now is all I get...there is no way to go back; No way to have it like it was. Hard facts to absorb. It's frustrating. I can see why people have taken their lives with a lifelong disability in from of them. What we've lost is more than just walking, or bladder, or sensation. It affects the entire spectrum of life. Still alive, just doesn't really feel like it anymore.

  10. #80
    Senior Member Tim C.'s Avatar
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    Denied: very thoughtful
    Quote Originally Posted by Denied2016 View Post
    The thought has come in and out... and maybe it's because I'm new to this. Maybe a lot of newly paralyzed feel this way. I couldn't imagine anyone losing this much and not having it pass their mind. Life has changed. Drastically. The negative outweighs the positive in every way when I compare what life was to what it is now. But now is all I get...there is no way to go back; No way to have it like it was. Hard facts to absorb. It's frustrating. I can see why people have taken their lives with a lifelong disability in from of them. What we've lost is more than just walking, or bladder, or sensation. It affects the entire spectrum of life. Still alive, just doesn't really feel like it anymore.
    Oddity: obvious it hasn’t impacted your life, that’s a good thing, you should be grateful.

    My question is basically, when you evaluate your life, your continuous struggle, the drain in resources needed to keep you going with so little you’re able to give back because your injury/ pain is so severe your quality of life consists of the 4 hour process of getting you up, you sitting idle (just existing) in the chair for ten hours at c4 level, without caregiver to assist you in accomplishing goals, no family available or interested in helping you accomplish goals or contribute in any meaningful way, to have two meals put in front of you each day that you try your level best not to spill on yourself or keyboard, and then initiate the process to return to bed, sleep until pain awakens you, Lather-Rinse-Repeat
    Meanwhile you go thru caregivers like blu-chux, your wife of 30+years fills in to help in-between caregivers making it clear she’s doing you a "favor” and is otherwise sick of the whole past 15 years of sci intrusion to our lives, makes it clear your high level sci was the cause of family discord, including the death of son (aka) best friend in life due to OD, family savings depleted to the dreaded caregivers invading our home, and now your mere continued existence stands in the way of her wanting to sell your home to move and start anew in different state. You’re invited to go to the next home albeit the home you need and the home she wants are diametrically opposite. So you clearly don’t fit. That said, the network you took years to develop for your care is hanging in jeopardy if you move.
    So yeah, there’s a bit more to the “is it still worth it” discussion.

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