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Thread: suicide

  1. #11
    you will go through the 5 stages of grief. the end is acceptance and then you will be fine.

    this happens to talk about death, or the loss of a loved one, but also goes for what we injured folk go through.

    1. The Denial Stage (This isn't happening to me!)
    This is the time when you cannot accept the loss or change in your life. Disbelief and denial cause you to think "This is not happening to me!" If your partner has died you find yourself waiting to hear from him or catch yourself picking up the telephone to call him. If your partner has left, you may believe you can repair the relationship and seek to change her mind.

    2. The Anger/Resentment Stage.(Why is this happening to me?)
    You may feel angry from the beginning or your anger may not arise until you have experienced some other emotions like confusion, shock, sadness, yearning, guilt, humiliation and despair. Anger and resentment are powerful emotions that can be aimed at the circumstances, your partner, and even others who may or may not have a role in your situation. Your anger may be masked or misdirected unless you acknowledge it.

    3. The Bargaining Stage (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
    This stage often branches out from the denial stage. You find yourself making deals to restore your relationship or change the situation. With the death of a spouse you many bargain with God for a time. In a broken relationship you may try to negotiate a reunion or make promises in order to repair the relationship.

    4. The Depression Stage. (I don't care anymore)
    Once you accept the situation and that it isn’t going to change, that aknowledgement can lead to depression. Feeling down, sad and hurt are absolutely normal emotions when you've suffered a personal loss. This kind of depression is normal, and not alarming. However, if you have feelings of unrelenting lethargy, suicidal thoughts, or are unable to function reasonably you should seek medical attention and follow doctor's orders for treatment of your depression.

    5. The Acceptance Stage (I'm ready for whatever comes next.)
    You are beginning to heal and have positive feelings about your ability to move forward. You find peace and the ability to enjoy yourself or others without guilt or remorse. You realize you may have setbacks and feel pain from time to time, but you are surviving and regaining your sense of self.



    I hope this works for you. i used it, and found that knowing this ahead of time helped me recover emotionally from my injury alot quicker.
    Josh S.
    T6 complete as of 7/17/03

  2. #12
    Senior Member Rrrrronnn's Avatar
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    For me my second year post was my low point. I was 22, I broke up with my GF, my friends were changing, and I had no clue where I was going in life. One way I looked at it is was this: I will never ACCEPT my disability, bit I will LEARN to live with my disability. I was also fortunate to have a good psychologist who helped me thru the tuff times.

    I knew I was doing pretty well when a few years later I realized that the person I have become is someone I finally like, and the hardships I've dealt with are factors that helped develop into who I am today. Tell me 15 years ago they will never find a cure, and I'd say kill me now. Ask me 10 years ago if they could take me back in time and make it so I never was injurred, I'd say Lets Go! But present me with that same situation today, and I'd say no way, mainly because of what I described above. That's not to say when they do find a treatment/cure that is safe and reliable, I won't get it done. I definitely will. I am just more at peace now then I ever thought I would be.

  3. #13
    Mine get stronger every day. I pick myself up and find a sliver of a reason to keep going and then something crops up to knock my 'couldn't care any more' meter right back down. I'm luckier than many who post here in relation to pain, function and finance but from an immediate post injury situation where I felt quite positive because:

    I believed I would achieve independence
    I had a supportive wife and a life to get on with
    I had a good job I could return to

    15 months on.........

    Independence isn't here yet - need help dressing/transferring
    My marriage is over - looking at a move to live on my own which scares me to death
    Issues with work as a crip which stress me out and make me fear for my long-term future in current job

    Tell me to suck it up and stop moaning - it's what I tell myself - but if there was a button I could push which simply shut me down painlessly my useless fingers would be pawing it about now.
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

  4. #14
    Senior Member jukespin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RehabRhino
    Mine get stronger every day. I pick myself up and find a sliver of a reason to keep going and then something crops up to knock my 'couldn't care any more' meter right back down. I'm luckier than many who post here in relation to pain, function and finance but from an immediate post injury situation where I felt quite positive because:

    I believed I would achieve independence
    I had a supportive wife and a life to get on with
    I had a good job I could return to

    15 months on.........

    Independence isn't here yet - need help dressing/transferring
    My marriage is over - looking at a move to live on my own which scares me to death
    Issues with work as a crip which stress me out and make me fear for my long-term future in current job

    Tell me to suck it up and stop moaning - it's what I tell myself - but if there was a button I could push which simply shut me down painlessly my useless fingers would be pawing it about now.
    It would be helpful if we all wrote our injury level and time post injury (T6 2 1/2 years post) in order to put everyone's comments in perspective.
    Good thinking (below).

    T11-12 44 years post. I also knew I was paralyzed at the time of gunshot trauma but didn't expect to live so wasn't concerned about it. As I kept hanging on through transportation and delirious happenings at hospital I thought, "WTF, my mind has always been my best feature; I'll stick around and see what develops".

    I don't know what to tell you except that I have been exactly where you are now. I can tell you that you would be greatly missed and that I fear that Myc0 has taken that course, as he said he was considering.

    Happily, I was wrong but he's still talking (joking?)about toppong himself.
    Last edited by jukespin; 04-13-2006 at 01:07 AM.
    "Sometimes I just sets and thinks...
    and sometimes I just sets.
    "

    Otis Redding I think

  5. #15
    I agree with most of the comments posted. It would be helpful if we all wrote our injury level and time post injury (T6 2 1/2 years post) in order to put everyone's comments in perspective. Thinking back a little better, I think I went through 4 of the stages that Josh Stevens mentions. I don't think I went through the I don't care anymore stage, but the stages went through quickly. I think it may have helped that I knew from second one during my accident that I was not going to walk again, and the process began right at that moment. I had a wife, kids and extended family to live for. Plus the fact that my accident happened while doing something I loved (Motocross) may have also helped acceptance.

    After that, I think keeping busy helps. Seek help. If we are lucky soon we will have scientific breakthroughs that may be risky, but if it was me, I would rather take a shot at any quality of life improvement in a few years than to end it all.

  6. #16
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jukespin
    I can tell you that you would be greatly missed...
    I echo this from Jukespin. - Sorry for all your problems right now RR. I’ve been trough the wife thing and other issues but suicide so fare have never crossed mind. I don’t’ know what to say to you either, but I hope you will be ok and things will improve.
    (T4, +5 years) Leif
    Last edited by Leif; 04-10-2006 at 02:09 PM.

  7. #17
    Thanks Jukespin and Leif. I'm also worried about Myco.

    Paramoto....I also knew from day one that I would never walk again. I accepted that really quickly. It was when my social worker came to talk to me about the 'high level of care' I would need before I was even out of bed that I first got upset in hospital. She was going for worst case, I need 90 mins help per day tops.
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

  8. #18
    Rehab, you are absolutely right. Most people think that being paralyzed is just mobilizing in a wheelchair. I had no idea that that would be the easy part. Bowel and bladder care, sex, etc. just make it that much worse.

    I think this is soooo tough that anyone's reaction, whatever it is, is more than reasonable. It is tough for me and I am a T6, I cannot imagine how much tougher it would be for higher injuries. I think that getting involved into sports, music, business, anything to keep the mind busy helps.

  9. #19
    RehabRhino, I am very sorry for your predicament. Especially as regards the loss of your wife. I know if my husband was not supporting me, I too would be pawing buttons. Is she leaving you solely for your SCI?

    I really ought to be ashamed of myself, because I am a T11-12, have a lot of sensation back, my case is being covered by w. comp, my husband is super supportive and loving (18 year marriage, 3 teenagers) and my employer wants me back. On the other hand, the circumstances of my SCI were horrific. After working my butt off for years and years to get a specific job, just when I got it, and was looking forward to enjoying it with my H and children...We moved, bought a home (with lots of stairs everywhere), and within 3 WEEKS an idiot (16 y/o) ran over me 2 TIMES.

    Due to my horrific injuries, to this day I need help with ADL, slowly improving. I was the caregiver, independent. I have lost all of my roles. My image is gone, my face and voice changed by the accident. I was tall and now see the world as a midget. I have constant pain. Spell bowel problems, bladder problems, anyone? I was super healthy, never had had a UTI before. Never smoked or drank. Took care of my health and good care of my husband, children, extended family, friends, dogs..ALL of my leisure activities required walking. My kids are in shock still (9 months after the accident). My mother is depressed beyond repair. I feel guilty!

    And yes, I am on a max dose of an antidepressant, so I am not crying 24/7 anymore. And I won´t commit suicide because my husband and kids have said very clearly that they want me alive.

    But this SUX, SUX, SUX.

    I don´t know who this person is that you are worried about? Please share?

    Anyways, if we have reached bottom, the only way is up, right?
    And BTW, I don´t believe a cure is coming in our lifetimes. A lot more basic science research is needed for that. But let´s not tell people so funding keeps on coming and future generations can benefit from it.
    Peace

  10. #20
    I also don't know who Myco is, can anyone call him/her and offer help?.
    Cripply, like was said before, you will get to the point of acceptance and measure life by new standards. It is still you. In time and with determination you will recover your roles, just manage them differently.

    I was not referring to a cure, but to scientifical developments that will hopefully one day improve our quality of life somehow. I agree that a magic wand cure is still quite far, but I do not lose hope of significant developments happening in my lifetime (I am 42).

    I can offer that I think it helps to focus on the things that we can do. At t-11 there is still a lot you can do. Try not to focus on the uncontrollable, like the things that you cannot do. Find new activities that replace the old ones and you will hopefully get to enjoy them as much as you once did the others, and live life day by day. Hopefully the feeling of despair will begin to gradually dissapear.

    RR, I am sorry too for all your problems. All those things just make this that much harder. Hang on man. Give it time, it's only been 15 months. I am 2 1/2 years out and still need help for my bp. That is so frustrating because I used to be such an independent person, but you get used to it. Hopefully you will find an attendant that will contribute to make your life more tollerable. Best of luck. Remember that change is a part of life, hopefully soon some change will come your way that will make things a little better.

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