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Thread: resisting change- advice needed, please-

  1. #1

    Question resisting change- advice needed, please-

    hi,

    have any of u had to intervene when another adult is resisting to deal with changes that a progressive disease (muscular dystrophy) has caused and has begun to compromis the person's level of independence?

    my friend, who is an sci para, has two siblings with muscular dystrophy. all are adults. one has been in a wheelchair for years; however, the other sibling is ambulatory. while alone, the ambulatory sibling fell, broke her knee, and is now using a walker to ambulate.

    her family thinks that the muscular dystrophy has progressed, and she needs to address the progression of the muscular dystrophy, however, she is resisting change and the prospect of a wheelchair. she and her husband need to move to a house without stairs, and her driving situation needs to be modified, for starters. in essence, she doesn't want to be a team player.

    since her siblings are already in wheelchairs, they're aware that modifications could help her manage her situation. she refuses to listen to them. her family loves her and wants to help her help herself.

    thanks in advance.
    "Now, the only healthy way to live life, as I see it, is to enjoy all the little everyday things, like a sip of whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, or a cool breeze on a hot day." -Gus McCrae, from Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry

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  2. #2
    Wow, Joy. I'm glad you are such a good friend to want to help. As a friend of yours myself, I have come to know nothing less.

    I don't have MD, yet I resisted for years the things I needed to do to make SCI easier on me. In fact, I have broken many bones trying to walk on legs I don't feel and don't control very well at all. I wasted so much energy and time wanting to still "walk". It did not work. It doesn't work. I have finally and only very recently gone to the chair fulltime and my trough walker is collecting dust.

    She will have to decide for herself it's okay to roll, that home mods do make life better and that stairs are not her friend. You cannot force her to do this.

    As her friend you can only support her decisions to the best of your ability.

    While it is heartbreaking to see her struggle trying to make her body do what it won't, she has to come to these decisions herself.

    I wish her and you the best.

    **Hugs**

  3. #3

    Smile

    thank u, mem,

    your words make perfect sense to me. u'd almost think that seeing the life adaptations and home modifications of her siblings would ease her transition. however, i now wonder if there might be a sort of psychological dynamic at work wherein she feels that one of them needs to be the AB in the family, if that makes sense to u. what are the odds of three disabled siblings (two with MD and one SCI) in one family?

    take care!
    Last edited by joyt; 01-28-2006 at 03:05 PM.
    "Now, the only healthy way to live life, as I see it, is to enjoy all the little everyday things, like a sip of whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, or a cool breeze on a hot day." -Gus McCrae, from Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry

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  4. #4
    In my own life I've been told I cannot do this or that, but you know what? I do it anyway. There are times that I think I can do something, but realize that I cannot. In those instances I'm willing to set my pride aside and ask for aid if it's needed.

    Let the lady do what she wants, with what she has, while she can.
    Rick Brauer or just call me - Mr B

    http://www.riseadventures.org

  5. #5
    I agree. She'll learn when she learns. I figured out "taking the easy way" after I was injured 3 years. I mainly stayed home until then. I was in NYC at Rally for the Cure and my crutch got stolen so I was totally chairbound. I found that I could keep up with everyone else in a chair when I used mine. It sure beat sitting in the hotel while everyone had fun.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny
    ...and my crutch got stolen...
    good lord, betheny! that's low!

    rbrauer and betheny, thanks for your input. her family worries about her safety, but she is an adult. it's her choice...
    "Now, the only healthy way to live life, as I see it, is to enjoy all the little everyday things, like a sip of whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, or a cool breeze on a hot day." -Gus McCrae, from Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry

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