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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Forgiveness

    Hello Everyone,

    The anniversary of my accident is coming up. I was hit by a drunk driver on the night of January 21st, 2005.

    I am wondering if I should forgive the woman who did this.

    For me, forgiveness means a lot--I don't forgive people easily, when they wrong me as terribly as she did. In my mind, it's a spiritual transformation, an acceptance of the person who hurt me. Would I be shortchanging myself or sending the wrong message, forgiving the person who almost killed me? As I look back on the year, I wonder if forgiving her is wise.

    Some things make me want to curse her and hate her forever--the pain, the difficulties every day getting out of bed and living my life.

    But other things make me want to hug her and tell her it will be okay--when I think of her sitting in jail, miserable. My life is going on, despite her, and will probably be better than ever before. Meanwhile, her life will always be plagued by the consequences of driving drunk and nearly killing somebody. I feel sorry for her.

    My mom, who I love very much, can't forgive this woman because of the pain it caused me.

    But me, I'm not sure.

    So, wise CareCure community, what do you think?

    I'm not asking you to make my decision for me. I'd just like to know how some of you who were injured by the actions of someone else ended up dealing with your feelings toward the person(s) who injured you.

  2. #2
    Forgiving somebody is hard... I can't imagine the guilt she knows deep inside... But...I can't imagine the hardships that you have went through either...

    Forgiveness is the right thing to do. Because that shows that you are getting on with your life, the best way you can...

    I do not tell you this from a SCI perspective, since I am not sci...

    But I do tell you this from a heart perspective...because as long as bitterness and unforgiveness is in your heart, you can never truly move forward without looking back...

    Take care,

    God bless...

    Teena

    PS--If you need to talk, I will listen...

    heartscriber@excite.com

    or PM me here...

  3. #3
    Senior Member roshni's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pianodave
    For me, forgiveness means a lot--I don't forgive people easily, when they wrong me as terribly as she did. In my mind, it's a spiritual transformation, an acceptance of the person who hurt me. Would I be shortchanging myself or sending the wrong message, forgiving the person who almost killed me? As I look back on the year, I wonder if forgiving her is wise.
    More than just "wise", your forgiveness is a generous act of love.

  4. #4
    Senior Member queen's Avatar
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    When you forgive someone who has wronged you, you are in essence freeing yourself of the anger and bitterness that even the thought of
    her name can evoke within you now. It will free you from the resentment and seething when those thoughts of her pass through your mind. This is
    a beneficial action that you do for yourself...not her! You will always remember what she did, but it will no longer be detrimental to your emotions or health. Holding onto that anger can only shorten your life!

    Queen
    Your life is what you make it, and only you have that choice!

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by queen
    When you forgive someone who has wronged you, you are in essence freeing yourself of the anger and bitterness that even the thought of
    her name can evoke within you now. It will free you from the resentment and seething when those thoughts of her pass through your mind. This is
    a beneficial action that you do for yourself...not her! You will always remember what she did, but it will no longer be detrimental to your emotions or health. Holding onto that anger can only shorten your life!

    Queen
    How true it is, Queen!

  6. #6
    This had been one of the hardest things for me to try to do and I havn't got there yet. Not my fault at all, like alot here. I was turned in front of by a little old lady "83" while on my motorcyle on the hi-way, at 6:00 am. Never a word of like I'm sorry, feels like your life has been stolen from you. I know I need to forgive, but it's not happend yet.

  7. #7
    Senior Member LaoziSailor's Avatar
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    Dave,
    Quote Originally Posted by pianodave on 2006.01.06.14:48
    ...snip...
    I'd just like to know how some of you who were injured by the actions of someone else ended up dealing with your feelings toward the person(s) who injured you.
    I caught your post minutes after you placed it. I would have liked to be the first answer and fortunately others did before because they are very good.

    In my case the person to forgive is myself and that was very hard, I climbed a tree and fell off -- my own stupidity (being alone and not tying myself off). So how do you forgive stupidity? You don't! All you can do do is forgive the results of it, whatever that stupidity may have been caused by whoever did.

    I know this may not make sense and was in essence what I was going to write when I saw your post.

    Bottom line FORGIVE, you'll feel better, ...I did.
    Han Tacoma

    ~ Artificial Intelligence is better than none! ~

  8. #8
    Senior Member McDuff's Avatar
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    No forgiveness from me.

    I was hit on my motorcycle by a revoked license, uninsured driver who got a ticket for no drivers license and let go. She had done prison time for multiple drug convictions, why she lost her license.

    At a deposition(which she drove to), she would not look at me or answer my question "do you even care that you put me in this chair?"

    So, nope, this useless excuse for a human gets no sympathy or forgiveness from me.

    If for you, it would do YOU good to let go, then by all means do it. Each case, and person, is different, only you can make the final determination.

    Good luck.
    "a T10, who'd Rather be ridin'; than rollin'"

  9. #9

    Smile

    Forgive I say. I remember until I forgave my self for all kinds of things that i had been beating my self up for I could not move on with my life. I remember the day to. It felt like a million pounds was lifted of my shoulders. I told myself that for one, no one is perfect. That is why we are here and the big guy is upstairs ^.
    “If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking.” Gen. Patton

  10. #10
    Forgiveness is about letting go of bitterness and oftentimes a need to get even. Forgiveness frees yourself of hatred and also bestows mercy and grace to the one who wronged you. Grace is unmerited favor. Her favor with you is unmerited but it can be given from the merciful heart.

    If the doctor who paralyzed me came to me and said he or his child would die if I didn't give him or his child my blood or bone marrow, etc., I would gladly give it to him.

    Showing love when hatred is the easiest thing is quite freeing and beautiful.


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