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Thread: Naughty caregiver ... or not

  1. #21
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    hard.............to say,

    Well, some cultures are more meticulous about cleanliness, not that you aren't, but he may be more so. When I give Jim a bath, or when getting dressed he will sometimes get a woody, he usually doesn't realize he does. I have explained it to him for when we can get a PCA someday. Maybe it a reaction of nervousness because it's a male carer? Maybe because it's morning and woodies are common then? Just tell him you noticed, tell him it freaks you out a little and go easy there, after all maybe it makes HIM uncomfortable too. Not everyone knows that these things can happen, for no good reason, with SCI.
    And please don't feel bad about comments about your ability to do everything. that they do. Some people don't realize that all SCI are different. Many SCI have other debilitating injuries from a traumatic injury. While it is heartening that they have been able to achieve more independence, they don't always think how hard it is for others who have more involved injuries, after all, it's not a race, most do what they can.

  2. #22
    Senior Member justadildo's Avatar
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    ........sounds like lust....now youre thinkin about him all day.....5 dollah, we go awnite saylo?

  3. #23
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    Who needs Jerry Seinfeld ...

    when we have a whole host of comedians right here on CC?

    OK everyone, thanks for your comments and thoughts. First, some clarification:
    Though I am capable of cathing and washing myself, it would take me a bit longer. Already, I get up at 5:30 a.m. so that I can be at work by 8:30 a.m. I have a significant commute that I look forward to every morning. It's not a matter of laziness; it's a matter of convenience and that a caregiver can do it faster than I probably will.

    My GF thinks that I'm making too big of a deal. She thinks, and she would probably know, that I have been getting more and faster erections as of late and that sometimes a slight breeze is enough to give me a hard on. She also feels that my previous caregivers did not clean me enough, this explaining why they never got me hard. She has seen my caregivers, including this one, in action several times and doesn't think anything is going on especially since he knows we're together (BTW, my GF and I live together but I do not have her help out in the mornings; she only helps in the evenings and all she does is put my condom catheter on as I can transfer independently). She and I have a most wonderful relationship and I do not get defensive with her; we happen to both be head strong which has served us well over the last several years we've been together.

    Anyhow, I think I'm just going to tell the guy to take it easy down there and that he doesn't need to scrub my dick (part of his challenge is washing the adhesive of the condom catheter off which takes a slight bit of scrubbing, hence the cause for the erections).

    As always, you guys have been helpful but with friends like you guys, who needs enemies (just kidding).

    BTW Bob Clark, sorry to disappoint but am a healthy heterosexual. No switch-hitting here. Sorry to disappoint.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Scorpion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by felieh
    It's not a matter of laziness; it's a matter of convenience and that a caregiver can do it faster than I probably will.
    Kinda like Fuente hiring a cleaning service to do things like change his bedsheets. Too bad he's too self-absorbed to see it that way.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Scorpion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fuentejps
    no, im not into crip chicks
    Yeah, we got that the 356,584,456 other times you've said it. Spare us, will you? You couldn't handle a woman like chick, nor any of the other smart, strong, independent women here on CC, or anywhere, crip or otherwise. It's a good thing for you there are plenty of able-bodied skanks with no self-worth for you to choose from.

    Yeah, that was a personal attack. But I for one am sick of you degrading chick and the other SCI'd women of CC and any other crip-chicks because of their disability, which in your tiny mind makes them unworthy of your "equipment that works." No ass-kissing or political correctness here, Fuente, just a man telling a little boy what many people here are quite weary of, only they're too fucking nice to say it to you. I totally understand that an SCI/SCI relationship might be impossible depending on a lot of factors, but even if I could never see myself with an SCI'd woman (and there was a time years ago when I couldn't) I would never talk about them as if they were unworthy on not sexually capable, nor would I think that. And my "equipment works" and I can feel it too.

    I try ignoring you, but sometimes I feel the need to speak up and call foul when I see it; and you using CC to make yourself feel better about yourself under the guise of "helping" other crips when you're too good to be associated with those same crips (unless they're kissing your ass for 'speaking your mind' or butting heads with you on the rugby court) is just that: foul.

    I speak my mind as well, but I don't need to degrade and belittle others in order to boost my ego. Are some crips lazy? Damn straight. Can I tell who's being lazy simply based on their "level"? Hell no. And neither can you, particularly when you don't even understand what the levels mean or what the individual's circumstances are.
    Last edited by Scorpion; 11-29-2005 at 11:46 PM.

  6. #26
    I'm sorry I'm sort of with Fuentejps on this.. Maybe a bit harsher then I would say it, but non the less true.. How hard is it to have the attendant give you a soapy wash cloth and a basin of water? So it takes 5 minutes more, isn't that worth some dignity? If You werent paralyzed but had a very busy schedule would you have a guy come in an scrub your privates while you were in the shower to save some time? Sorry I just dont get it.. Many people have no choice and so must accept a life where even the most private things need to be done for them. I just dont think its right to be able to do something yourself but still CHOOSE to have someone else do it for you for convenience sake. I'm c6/c7 and am completely independant with my care.. It killed me emotionaly going into the hospital a couple of months ago and having nurses do stuff for me there.. I just can't fathom living like that on a permanent basis, especially if you dont have to.

    My two cents for all its worth

  7. #27
    Senior Member WM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fuentejps
    wm, your correct , everyone is different. im assuming your buddy is newly injured, and w/ his hard work he will gain his independance.
    Yep, just got hurt the last day of July. He hasn't even been home very long. He's got therapy coming to the house, etc. His mom says she'll think he's asleep at night, and walk past the door of his room and see him in there exercising on his own what he can in the dark. Rehab sent out a platform thing for him to exercise on, practice rolling, etc., and they're looking into getting him this and that equipment like a stander and I told them about the FES bikes. I hope your'e right fuente about him getting independent. He's really working on it, learning to transfer etc. He was sick most of the time he was in rehab and didn't even get to do much therapy there. He can't DO anything yet on his own, but he's learning, and that's a start. He's had a little return, nothing to help him function immediately, but a start. Things that didn't move before, can move a tad now. That's one reason I want him to have a FES bike so bad. I think that would really help and the stander too.

    Peace fuente!


    sorry felieh----> I'll shut my yapper and let you get--->
    "I just want you to know, it was the best time ever." J.F.F.

  8. #28
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    Making choices

    StevenM,
    Everyone makes certain choices and sacrifices. The choice that I have been presented with is having a terrific job to go to every morning and in order to keep it, wake up at 5:30 a.m. and an hour and half later, be ready to hit the road. Compared to when I was able bodied and it would take me all of 20 minutes. To me, even five minutes here, five minutes there start to add up and I have to decide to what level is my independence important vs. taking two hours to get ready for work. You may make a different choice of doing things yourself and take two hours to get them done; I've made a different choice.
    At times, I envy people who write about the amount of time they spend on exercising this and that, knowing they don't work a single minute and are dependent on government checks. They made that choice just as I made a choice to not ever depend for a dime on government assistance. I get to miss out on many opportunities for physical independence but that's the choice I have made and I am quite happy with it.
    What has disappointed me with some of the responses is how some people become a judge, a jury and an executioner without knowing what circumstances any of us face.
    I thought that this is a forum where we can help each other by sharing our experiences instead of putting people down. I'm not angry ... just a bit disappointed.

  9. #29
    Senior Member WM's Avatar
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    knowing they don't work a single minute and are dependent on government checks. They made that choice just as I made a choice to not ever depend for a dime on government assistance.
    And some have that choice made FOR them because they are UNABLE to work due to poor health. For some, just staying ALIVE is their "job".
    Last edited by WM; 11-30-2005 at 01:31 AM. Reason: ribbed fuente and felieh a little then had a change of heart! :-)~
    "I just want you to know, it was the best time ever." J.F.F.

  10. #30
    Senior Member cali's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by felieh
    At times, I envy people who write about the amount of time they spend on exercising this and that, knowing they don't work a single minute and are dependent on government checks. They made that choice just as I made a choice to not ever depend for a dime on government assistance.
    yeah, i had no career to speak of considering i'm 19. but i don't like to have everyone help support me when it was another person's mistake that i'm in a chair. it's not my fault or anyone else's except the driver's.

    but when i'm able to have a career, i'll be able to be like you and support myself i look forward to that.
    Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway

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