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Thread: Attitudes towards AB/disabled relationships

  1. #11
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    We, on the other hand

    get the yucky "you two are such an inspiration" thing constantly. This is because a great many people knew us pre-injury . . . they do not realize that there is a subtle slam in their "admiration".

    They assume that my persistence in the marriage is some version of self-sacrifice. It's not. I am lucky beyond description to be where I am, if they only knew it.

    They assume that his persistence in living a full life is some version of courage. I leave it to him to address that, but my sense is that he's a lot like everyone else, only with more pain issues. What is the alternative to living a full life, anyway, no matter what your circumstances?

    Our daughters are not immune, btw. They also are, in their own way, an "inspiration" to people who mostly know better than to say so in their presence. (The word "inspiration" always inspires much eye-rolling at our dinner table.)

    SCI makes you a projection super-magnet on steroids. Everyone assigns to you their own worst fears and most intense emotions--without any connection whatsoever to the reality of your life.

  2. #12
    Thanks Kate;

    Amen. I believe someone could make a comedy sketch out of comments I have received regarding Noah and "inspiration".

    John
    "Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence." Lin Yutang

  3. #13
    Danielle and I always get strange looks and the fact that we both have brown eyes and brown hair doesn't help. Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking....why she would be with me? I'm really not sure what to think.

    As far as the "inspiration" thing goes....wow, I know what you are talking about. Sometimes it is appreciated. Other times I just want to tell people to find a new hero. I'm not sure where I saw this (I think it was on a CC member's AIM Away Message) but I loved this quote: "Save your admiration for he who chose his path".

    It's tough living with SCI. The last thing we need is the added pressure of being someone's inspiration.
    "Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me" ~Sarah McLachlan

  4. #14
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    Smile

    OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD!!!

    That happens aaaaaaallll the time with my b/f and I . lately ive started to take advantage of that. For example, we went to the cinema last week, i said one pensioner and one carer, for both our tickets i paid $8 aus. My partber paid $8 and i didnt pay a thing! It was during a weekday but it has happened before on a Sat night.

    like any situation , you use it to ur advantage... but i know exactly what u mean with peoples ignorance, as if disAble ppl cant have a relationship or a "normal" life...... Uts up to people like us to change peoples view and braden their mind.....
    How does a blade of grass thank the sun?

  5. #15
    Senior Member Cspine's Avatar
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    i was strolling down the sidewalk with one of my models dressed up in a total hooker outfit when this croup of punks started sayin stuff like 'come hang with us sexy'. i was pissed because that wouldn't have happened when i was ab. as i spun around to say something she said 'sorry boys, i'm working!' the whole group went silent with eyes bugged and jaws dropped! about a block down she asked why i was laughing........ i had to explain to her what they thought 'working' meant. she was so embarassed, she had forgotten what she was wearing!
    Death and taxes

  6. #16
    Senior Member cali's Avatar
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    my dad always pulls the gimp card! i lost the stone to my class ring about a year before my injury and dad told my "tragic story" and got it replaced for free
    Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway

    Frank's blog:
    http://www.franktalk-scurry.blogspot.com
    My regular blog:
    http://www.ithinkithinktoomuchblog.blogspot.com

  7. #17
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    Thumbs up Exactly!

    Azure and Cali, that's the attitude! After a while (few years) I just rolled with it.
    People that make comments aren't in our shoes and don't matter in my universe, except when they can be educated.

    Kate, I HEAR YOU!!!!! I absolutely hate that inspiration crap. The other whammy---"I would just not want to live" or "I couldn't do that" .Yeah, right. My reaoning is that most people just mouth cliches til they get to know you and aren't worried so much about what to say. Deb

  8. #18
    Senior Member cali's Avatar
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    i find it interesting when people say they wouldn't want to live if it happened to them, but i wonder if they'd resort to cannibalism to survive personally, that would bother me sooo much more
    Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway

    Frank's blog:
    http://www.franktalk-scurry.blogspot.com
    My regular blog:
    http://www.ithinkithinktoomuchblog.blogspot.com

  9. #19
    Senior Member Zaphod's Avatar
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    personally........

    I don't think there's anything funny about this, I got dumped (by an admittedly weak person) over just this sort of thing, her and I were great together but she felt like people looked down on her.

    Now, I'm not saying that the fault for this lies anywhere but on her shoulders, in the end it doesn't, but there is some truth to how she felt, and it pretty much makes me sick.

  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Zaphod
    I don't think there's anything funny about this, I got dumped (by an admittedly weak person) over just this sort of thing, her and I were great together but she felt like people looked down on her.

    Now, I'm not saying that the fault for this lies anywhere but on her shoulders, in the end it doesn't, but there is some truth to how she felt, and it pretty much makes me sick.
    Zaphod I noticed your age in your profile. Assuming your previous gf was about the same age as you, do you think that had much to do with her feelings about people looking down on her? I think sometimes young people (not everyone) have a much harder time dealing with other peoples opinions of them, and it takes some time for them to realize that other peoples attitudes don't really matter~ that it's just the connection between two people that's important.

    For those of you out there who are AB and in a relationship with someone with an SCI, do you think things would be different with your relationship if the SCI would have occurred when you were older/younger?

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