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Thread: 'handicaps'

  1. #41
    Now Now children get along. Perhaps you two should pop some Midols like they're candy. Does wonders for PMS I hear

    I'm joking! Don't make me cry now please

    Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--Mary Kay Ash

  2. #42
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    Bridget,

    I am Josh's mom. I would like to reply to your comments to, and about, Josh.

    First of all, you do not know or understand Josh at all. He has always been an exceptional athlete, son, father, brother and christian. He has also been very popular. Also, Josh had alot more responsibility than his friends. Before his accident, he was attending college and working two jobs to pay for the cute little house he fixed up for his daughter and himself. He painted Trinity's (his daughter) room like the sky, with clouds and angels. He spent more time with his daughter than his ex-wife did. Josh and his daughter have a very warm, loving relationship. He is a good, loyal friend and would do anything for anyone. Since his accident, he has been in contact with new SCI's trying to help them, and he has changed his major to pursue that avenue. He wants to make a difference. The reason Josh feels that he is a better person since his SCI is because he feels that he has gained maturity, compassion, understanding and the desire to give back to the community. Of course, that doesn't mean he is happy he has an SCI, it just means he is finding some positive things out of a truly negative situation. And I am proud of him for that. He has never said his life is perfect, but he tries to do the best with what he has.

    I find it interesting that you resent Josh's positive attitude. When he had his accident, he had multiple injuries and almost died. He is grateful that he is alive, and he thanks God for that. In the beginning, he was very helpless and numerous things had gone wrong. There were many obstacles and red tape, and he began to feel hopeless, so his Dr. gave him a small dose of effexor. That, regaining his physical strength, the support of friends and family, and his trust in God has returned him to his former positive self. Perhaps you can blame me for teaching him that. At one time I was very ill and didn't know if I would live or die. I, too, had a positive attitude, because I didn't want to scare the children. But also, I felt like I was either going to live or die, and if I died, I didn't want my loved ones to remember me as having a negative attitude; whining and complaining so that they would feel relieved when I finally died. And if I was going to live, why would I want to waste my time pissing and moaning. I wanted to get on with my life the best that I could. That is how Josh feels. And just because he makes a kidding remark about his hemorrhoids does not mean he is "sick and twisted". They are going to be there whether he whines and complains or whether he asks for advice and kids a little about it. As a nurse, I can tell you that humor is good medicine. I have seen many people regain health through a good sense of humor and a positive attitude. Also, as a nurse, I can tell you that the small dose of effexor Josh takes is not making him "hallucinate" nor causing any "delusions". And I find it curious that you would insinuate that you know how much he takes.

    You and a few others stated that he lacked self-confidence and was needy in another thread. What a crock. Just because Josh opened up with this support group about finding someone special and his thoughts on settling does not mean he is needy. Josh grew up with parents who were best friends and are still in love after many years. Why shouldn't he want a special person in his life for companionship and love. It is what most people want. In fact, he was looking for someone special before his accident. By the way, he has always had a steady stream of interested young women. He has just been picky since his divorce, because he wants that special someone.

    I thought a support group was for supporting others with problems. Yet, almost every time you reply to one of Josh's posts it is to cut him down. I have read and reread them trying to understand your motives. Certainly, not everyone agrees with everyone else. That is no reason to be caustic. And, yes, I can see that Josh has been a little defensive. But perhaps if you go back and read your replies objectively, you might glimpse a little of what he and I see about you. I am truly sorry that you, Josh, and everyone else with SCI have to live the way you do, but Josh would rather try and look at the bright side, to do something constructive with his life, to continue to scuba dive and every other thing he can do to enjoy his life. He would rather change his major from dentistry for one that makes much less money just because he wants to help others with his disability. Can you not see that alot of what he writes is his humor? Isn't that why he puts lol afterwards? Yet you attack him, and then if he gets a little defensive, you have to write something mean about that. I don't know how much you know about psychology, but I have worked in a psych hospital before and know a little more than the average person about psychology, and I recognize bitterness when I read it over and over. And I can understand where that comes from. But attacking Josh is not going to help anyone, not even you.

    Bridget, I certainly do not mean to hurt your feelings or anyone elses. I am sure that you are really a very nice person who got off on the wrong foot with Josh. But he is my son, and I know him and you do not. You have unfairly misjudged him. Josh does not have one mean bone in his entire body, and it hurts me to read these posts. This is absolutely the first support group that I have ever been on where some members knock others down. However, this website has had alot of helpful information, and I am appreciative to all those who have helped my son.

    By the way, when Josh edited, he was adding the part about the private conversation, not removing anything mean.

    Billie, Josh's mom

  3. #43
    Bridget
    I just read the original question in this thread and am responding to that. I am confused, but who is "us"? In an online class, you do it from home right? So who is referring to whom as what, so it is clearer to me, and then, I will add a simple answer that yes, I do think you are overreacting on the surface but the feelings beneath it are valid.

    Mary

  4. #44
    Whoa! Let's step back for a minute.

    Bridget, it is ironic that the course is about "Person, Identity, and Dignity". It seems very appropriate for you to have raised the questions you have with your teacher and others in the course, as well as with the student who make the remark "handicaps". I would expect a student who is critical, thoughtful, reflective about what is being studied to examine more in depth, such issues as "Labels" and "Identity", and what that means to SELF/Personhood.

    The diversity of opinions and personal experiences posted here reflects how even those with similar labels imposed upon them, do not all respond similarly.

    Well, RE: B & J, I think there's some history of misunderstanding and some enmity between them, that goes beyond this thread, so any animosity expressed or percieved here, is something most likely taken out of context and not fully understood by others' reading thread.

    BTW. A message board is limited and can not fully reveal a person's nature, sensibilities, character and whatever qualities make them who they are. One can only go by what is posted by others, in the context of whatever thread/topic it is being posted in. Many try to "explain" themselves and who they are, or rather, what they want to portray themselves as to others, often throughout the many threads/forums. This usually reveals more about the person in every other way but what they are trying to explain and portray about themselves.

    Just an interesting bit of psychology

  5. #45
    Billie
    you should go back and read ALL my posts. your son mistakes my truthfulness for bitterness. i do know how much efexxor josh takes--he posted it on here. i do not 'resent' his positive attitude...i find it annoying that he is so egotistical. that is my point which you seemed to have missed. maybe i should get my mommy to come on here and defend me. it seems josh can't stand up for himself. if he has something to say good or bad he needs to spit it out himself. my mom could definately come on here and say all positive things about me too.

    anyways, moving on, mary, 'us' was handicaps who couldn't move their arms or legs.

    Some might tell you there's no hope in hell just because they feel hopeless, but you don't have to be anything like that...~Dave Mathews~

  6. #46
    november
    midol? if i want to hallucinate, i prefer percocet or morphine, lol

    Some might tell you there's no hope in hell just because they feel hopeless, but you don't have to be anything like that...~Dave Mathews~

  7. #47
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    Bridget,

    I have read all your posts, and also his. Josh did not ask his "mommy" to defend him. He didn't know I posted it. I am just tired of you painting an ugly picture of him. I advised him last time to let things go with you, because I think you are lashing out at more than annoyance at what you call his egotistical attitude??? There are several guys with big egos on this website! Most normal 25 year old guys have big egos. I know Josh better than anyone else at this point in his life. I also know his faults. He is sometimes quick to temper, and is very stubborn. But, he is no more egotistical than any other young man of his age. In fact, he is usually the first one to make fun of himself ie., the lol's after his posts about HIMSELF. But do not mistake his positive personality for for something it is not. He has ALWAYS, all of his life, been a positive, looking at the bright side kind of a kid. That does not mean that he is always FEELING positive. It means he is a person who tries to be positve and has that natural ability in his personality. He can still get down, and he still has feelings.


    "I have thought about how much pain and suffering i have caused to my family and friends, and how much easier it might be if i didnt live and become SCI. oh yeah, that would be easier on me now wouldnt it? but i would then be soooooo selfish that i care more about myself than my loved ones. knowing that i have been acting so selfish made me turn my life, and thoughts around. My daughter is the most important thing in my life, and she is way more better off with me as a SCI than with me 6 feet under. I cherish every day since my accident that i get to spend with her and i hope that all of you can look past all the selfishness thats inside of you and think about how much you being alive means to you loved ones." By Josh

    Bridget, I believe this is the first post by Josh that you totally misunderstood. You seemed to have believed it was meant for you, and it was not. I have no idea how you even turned that post into thinking it was meant for you. Josh had contemplated suicide in the beginning when he was so totally helpless and new to SCI. As he became stronger and adjusted a little, he began to see how it would affect everyone else. He was sharing those feelings and assuming EVERYONE has had or may sometime have those same feelings. This was no more directed to you than to the Pope. He probably should have explained that rather than to ask you not to post negative replies on that thread. But, being a new SCI, new to this website, and relying on that glimmer of positiveness that had kicked in, he was he was trying not to get depressed. I have read much ruder things on this website. And being post SCI longer than him, I would think you would understand the turmoil of a new SCI. The only thing Josh has against you is the way you try to cut him down.

    Since Josh wrote how much effexor he was on, you should know that that is the effective dose. Effective dose is 150mg to 225mg per day and the maximum dose is 375mg per day. His dosage has been adjusted a few times and he has never had over 225mg. Why you even care how much he takes is a mystery. I am sure he is not the only SCI to take antidepressants.

    Billie


    Josh, I apologize if I have embarrassed you with my posts, but after all the crap we went through in the hospitals and at rehab, I swore I'd never let anyone hurt you or humiliate you again if I could help it. I am proud of you for all that you have accomplished this past 11 months......xoxomom

  8. #48
    OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO!! You people are makin me sad and when Shaun gets sad,Shauns mom gets maaaaaaadddd and when Shauns mom gets mad

    <shiver>

    ''Shoot the protester ya cant stop the protest.Murder the rebel ya cant stop the rebellion''..

  9. #49
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    Shaun,
    lol, thank you for lightening up this thread. It's a dirty job, but somebody had to do it, and you're just the man.

  10. #50
    Senior Member PB72181's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Josh's mom:

    I am sure he is not the only SCI to take antidepressants.
    No he isn't... Much as I hate having to be chemically dependent to keep myself even keel, it's far better than the way I treat myself and others when I'm not on it. It doesn't mean I'm deluding myself about what happened to me though. Everyone needs some help dealing with things once in a while, and I'm in counseling too.

    The only words I take offense to are AB people calling me a cripple, or anyone saying we're "wheelchair bound" or "confined to a wheelchair," which to me says we're tied/glued/whatever to them and never sit/lie/etc. anywhere else.

    "Legs are overrated. You can still get laid." - Kevin Girardi, "Joan of Arcadia"

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