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Thread: Fate

  1. #1
    Senior Member -Andrea-'s Avatar
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    Fate

    Do you believe in fate, destiny or one "true" thing?
    For instance, is there one person on this planet that one is "supossed" to be with? Is the emotion of love synonomous with the word suffer? If you love something, simply love without possession, why would the one that is loved leave?

  2. #2
    Yes, I believe you can love many people but there is only one true love, or soulmate for us. Maybe that's a romantic notion, that's fine, I'm an admitted romantic. I found mine and am married to him. It took a long time to find each other and a lot of heartbreak for both of us.

    About them leaving, I think if they truly leave then they are not the one. When I think about other people I had relationships with it should have been so clear that they were not my soulmate. It's not so easy to see that clearly when we're in the situation.

    Love should not be so painful. Not that we have perfect happiness everyday, everyone has problems. If it's that painful, there is something wrong. Just my opinion.

    Jewel

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    Andrea, great post. Lots to think about.

    As a mother, I know that my children and I are supposed to be together, until they're ready to leave me. That kind of love daily prepares the object of that love for the imminent departure, while constantly reinforcing that love.

    But I know that's not what you're talking about. The "emotion" of love equals suffering? Perhaps if it's nothing but emotion then it's bound to lead to suffering for both parties. "Love" in this regard is nothing but a self-serving game of control, ego, warm fuzzies, even avoidance of reality. (Speaking from personal experience not to you or anyone else )

    There are different types and degrees of suffering. If the person you love is suffering then you suffer too. Sometimes we make tough sacrifices for that loved one. We may not even consider it suffering, but others around us might. However, if the person you love is abusing you, that is not love, there are problems, get help or get out.

    Finally I'll say that I loved and was married to a man who simply couldn't receive love. His own self loathing could reciprocate nothing but loathing for anyone who would love him, and he left. Sad, but it happens.

  4. #4
    Senior Member -Andrea-'s Avatar
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    Suppose the one loved loves in return. So much, in fact, they say must leave. Is what Wilde says "Man kills that which he loves", therefore, correct? I do believe you are correct in the sense that some peope are incapable of receiving love b/c they feel undeserving. Which is very, very sad.

  5. #5
    Being crushed by someone you are deeply in love with tends to change ones perspective on this subject. I want to believe that we all have a soulmate, but I am not so sure. I do know that love is not perfect, because people are not perfect. relationships are a lot of work, and both parties must work at it equally. There are those who are looking for the perfect relationship. Good luck. Some people tend to rely on others for their happiness. We can be happy with others, but we need to make our own happiness. Love conquers most, but not all.

    If we all have a soulmate, why are some people destined never to find their own?

    Brian

  6. #6
    Senior Member -Andrea-'s Avatar
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    Purk: I noticed you are from Morgantown, I have an ex whom I remain friends w/who came from there. We went skiing together at Snowshoe (I think) before my accident.
    Anyway...
    I often wonder the same question about love and its reationship to destiny. In this whole, vast planet, what's the likihood that you, me or anybody will find their true love in their immediate surroundings. My current boyfriend lives an ocean away for the moment, but I wonder how the dynamics will change when/if I make the sacrifice to live with him.
    The love of which I'm thinking (not my current BF) is an impossible love, much much older than me, but it's still love nonetheless. In a way, I understand the concept of becoming scared and leaving - I'm guilty of that. It's so complicated and painful.
    But, I've been a lot of places and have loved many men (not w/my heart, but you know) and I am just struggling with what seems like such a complicated issue.
    This probably made no sense.

  7. #7
    Soulmates. Debbie and I believe we were meant to meet,and therefore it was going to happen at the right time, when we were ready for it, when it was supposed to be. If we had met a few months later, when she was diagnosed with MS, we would not have made it because she has made it clear she would not have allowed it. As was, she spent a great deal of energy trying to push me away out of love - she didn't want me to be with her if she were not going to be able to be an "equal" partner. Many arguments, tears, sadness resulted and it took a long time for her to see that it was her heart, soul, companionship, emotional support, and unconditional love that made us equal partners.

    I think much depends on how much energy the two people involved are willing to put into their relationship, vs. we are soulmates and if so all will be well. Relationships are never easy - no matter what the surrounding circumstances - and it takes dedication, trust, respect and just plain hard work to make a relationship a true partnership.

    A soulmate is not given. A soulmate is earned. Just my opinion.

  8. #8
    Originally posted by -Andrea-:

    ....If you love something, simply love without possession, why would the one that is loved leave?
    Andrea the answer to your question is so obvious. It is... because they can. If you love something, simply love without posession. Please understand, I am not trying to be hurtful or annoying. I think I have felt what you are feeling right now. It is excruciating. I used the pain and the time to learn quite a bit about my idea of unconditional love. Not that I'm an expert! My relationship was platonic but, very powerful and fulfilling for over 3 years. However, this person had to go his own way. I asked him to stay, and he left just the same. It was hard for him to do it but, he managed. I never could shake my feeling that we were soulmates. I seriously grieved the first 2 years after he was gone. I have some awesome friends that sat up many nights on the phone with me and let me cry. Through all that, for the next 9 years, he sitll called me and needed to hear my voice. Get my opinion of 'whatever'. We were friends. I was his 'best' friend. He always used to say he couldn't imagine not being able to talk to me. There were times he would tearfully try to appologise to me for not staying... Oh god, it was heartbreaking, and insane, and .... true. Through His failed relationships, and mine, there was a bond. We were soulmates. We are soulmates.
    It's the same kind of love I have for my children, WITHOUT the parental AUTHORITY! (dammit!)(.....and thank GOD)
    What I mean is, you would do anything for them. They can make you crazy, angry, furious, proud, do the unthinkable, give you grey hair, AND YOU WILL LOVE THEM. YOU will love THEM. They can call you a 'big meanie', say 'I hate you',prefer not to be seen with you, and YOU will love THEM. He can say 'you are my best friend', 'I met someone special', 'why does love always turn to shit except ours?', keep trying to find 'that special someone anywhere but with YOU, and YOU will love him. It is the same. He had to go, just like my children will 'have to go' one day. It was what he needed to do. His leaving ME did not change the fact that I LOVED him. I was doing something entirely new. The love was MINE. IS mine. Thank god for him- that he helped me find it. It was INSIDE of ME! No person can take that away. If you feel this way, then be grateful. You've discovered something about yourself that, I imagine, is quite profound. This person may have been instrumental in helping you discover it and they deserve credit for that but, don't short change yourself. The feeling you have is yours.

    We are all faced with a series of great opportunities... Brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.

  9. #9
    Andrea,

    I have skied Snowshoe many times. There are many good ski resorts close by. I have heard they have a great mono ski program on the other side of the mountain from Snowshoe called Silvercreek. I plan to go some day.

    Very complicated and painful indeed. I was hoping you could give me some insight.

    I was married for 13 years when my ex-wife decided to start seeing another married man. She told me she knew from the beginning she wouldn't be able to handle my sci. She doesn't know what love is. I guess we live and learn.

    Brian

  10. #10
    Senior Member -Andrea-'s Avatar
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    I never asked him to stay nor to leave. To "possess" someone or something diminishes its majesty, such as a beautiful, yet caged, animal. So, he was free to leave in that respect. I expected to be hurt, but not like this. We made ourselves too vunerable to one another. I generally know how much emotion to "dispense" to keep the relationship alive. This leaves me holding the power and in turn, in become bored, and will seek something new.
    If I have learned anything from this suffering, it's that I must rethink the manner in which I negotiate relationships. I know very well that relationships are never easy and I used to believe that adding love into the equation makes things exponentially more painful when it's over. But, the feeling of love, in itself -at that moment- seems to clear my mind of future consequence.
    So, I thank you. I forget where I read this, but it's something that makes sense - "renovate your life and the universe will be yours"
    I think I have my work cut out.

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