Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: mom, etc

  1. #1

    mom, etc

    After 5 months of living in Utah, I moved to Carlsbad, California last month. My dad flew down to Utah to help my mom and I pack up the house. We rented a u-haul and after two days of driving arrived at my new apartment. Dad had to fly home the day after our arrival and the following Monday my mom drove back to Oregon. For the first time in over 16 months, I am living on my own. It's exciting and so far easy. My car is filled up with gas, there are groceries in the refrigerator, the trash bags are not yet full, and so I have gotten by on the remnants of my mother's presence in the apartment. Soon, however, her absence will be felt. Getting in and out of the car to pump gas, and going to the grocery often (as I can't fill up a cart and must use a basket), doing dishes and preparing food will be the most tedious tasks of my independence. But like everything else, I suppose they too will become routine.

    The real remnants of my parents' absence will be the emotional ones. I am baffled and in awe by the role they've played in my life, and my independence is bittersweet. I remember the first time I said goodbye to my dad. It was in the Portland airport as I left for Utah. I didn't say much, holding back tears the entire time. I turned around several times to half-smile and wave my broken wave as they patted me down at the metal detector check-in. Once through, overcome with love I made straight for the private bathroom, locking myself in and crying hard for a good ten minutes.

    My parents have given me so much guidance yet allowed me tremendous space to grow, with independence wherever I've desired it. It is a delicate, paradoxical balance that they've all but mastered.

    Of course there have been countless tense times and heated arguments, magnified by just how high the stakes have been. We've all wanted the same thing for me but in navigating the foggy waters of SCI, the way in which it would be achieved has been as elusive as the end of a rainbow. There was one time just before I moved to Utah that my mom and I were arguing about whether I should go there or California to continue with my rehab. Emotions spilled over as I told her that I couldn't wait to be independent of her and dad. "Sometimes I feel like you don't appreciate anything we do for you," she said. Those words cut me open like a sword. Later on I apologized.

    "I do appreciate all that you do for me mom. It's immeasurable. I don't know what to do. These are debts I can never repay!" I sobbed.

    My mom hugged me. "They aren't debts," she said. "That's what family is for."

    And that is the wonder and magic of unconditional love. I can begin to see now why it's so important to some people to have kids. We're so full of love for our parents, yet can't possibly return what they've given us. Their love is like a glowing ember that kindles a fire in our soul, and we must pass it on to someone else or we'll explode. We want to raise and love someone the way our parents raised and loved us.

    16 months ago our relationship began a journey somewhere between life and death, and I don't think any of us knew which side we would come out on. More than anything I think we're just glad to still be together. The love they've shown me is bottomless, and though I never know quite how to express appreciation this much should be obvious: everything good I've ever done, before and since the injury, has been in honor of them.

    [This message was edited by buckwheat on 05-09-04 at 02:21 PM.]

  2. #2
    Congratulations buckwheat on your independence.

    The greatest and most important gifts parents can give to their children are roots and wings.
    It sounds like your parents have done that well.

    Enjoy Carlsbad and the beach,ocean, weather. Btw, the eye candy's not bad either -

  3. #3
    Buckwheat, your post touched me. It does a mom's heart good to read it.

  4. #4

    What a lovely tribute to your parents! As a Mom of a SCI daughter, I thank you for writing that. It was beautiful, heartfelt, and brought tears to my eyes.....something that my own daughter does to me with her writing also.

    I hope your parents will read your post, or that you print it off and give it to them. It's a keeper!

    Always remember, that parents do what they do because they love you and want to do it, and hopefully one day, you will get the chance to be a loving parent also.

    Good Luck, Buckwheat!


  5. #5
    Oh, Buckwheat~

    Thank you for sharing this. We're getting ready to move my daughter into her own apartment this summer. I needed to read this.


  6. #6
    Buckwheat, what you have written down is exactly how i feel towards my parents and family. the only difference is that you beat me to bein fully independence. ive got 3 months left til i get back in school and move to another city. I am so happy for you, and can tell that you are so thrilled to have your full independence back, yet struggle with bein alone also. me too. Thank you so much for posting this for all of us, it lifts everyones spirits.

    Josh Stevens
    T6 para as of 7/17/03

  7. #7
    Senior Member Jessecj7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    buskwheat, you never said anything about your good looking roomate.

    BTW busk, good post you brought a tear to my eye, and that dosnt happen very much to a big bad man like me. LOL

  8. #8
    Thank you for this lovely post, my wonderful son. It is a much better Mother's Day card than anything Hallmark could do. Keep on truckin'.



  9. #9
    So sweet this is Buck. Like I've said before keep on writing.

    Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--unknown

  10. #10
    Senior Member ResonantEcho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Cash, TX, United States
    Soon, however, her absence will be felt. Getting in and out of the car to pump gas, and going to the grocery often (as I can't fill up a cart and must use a basket), doing dishes and preparing food will be the most tedious tasks of my independence. But like everything else, I suppose they too will become routine.

    If I could give you a few suggestions. I've been independent since 1992 so I have a lot of practice.

    Instead of using the baskets they provide at the grocery store, purchase a laundry basket to set in your lap and dedicate it as your shopping basket (mine has KEVIN written all over it). As you have mentioned, the ones provided by the grocery store are quite small and do not hold very much. Thus, in return, it requires more trips. I use to go just about every day. But the laundry basket makes it somewhat better. And, of course, lovely lady friends help! But, I have learned NEVER to depend on friends. Once you take that step, it is easy to slack off and not do for yourself which is not good. Those trips to the grocery store keep you in shape.

    I do not have any tips for pumping gas. Sorry.

    As far as laundry goes, make sure you have plenty of laundry baskets. That way you can put a basket in your lap and pile clothes into it to put in washer or take out of dryer. One thing that helped me is I bought front loading washer and dryer. Makes it easier on the shoulders and you can see everything in the washer.

    Cooking food. Well, you will most likely be using the microwave a lot. And when you start dating, be sure to pick someone who can cook. A good home cooked meal is a must from time to time. Also, I cook out on the grill a lot. Seems to be easier.

    If you have any questions on how to make life easier, feel free to ask. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there with good advice.


    Visit me and sign my guestbook at

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts