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  1. #1

    Connecting back with Friends?

    I have been back home now for 3 weeks since i got discharged from therapy and it has been 7 months post now since the injury. Since ive been home, my best friends and most friends havent really been coming by or calling to see whats up. I really dont care bout having to see everyone all the time but im really upset about my best friends. Its like they have been avoiding me now. I dont want to be around alcohol anymore since it contributed to my injury and it seems that they wont give it up at least one night a week to hang out. I have done alot of growing up since SCI and want to do normal fun things now not partying and pickin up chicks all the time. It seems to me that i have become good friends now with girls that i never hung out with before, but what do i do bout my guy friends that we once called each other best friends. thanks

    Josh Stevens
    T6 para as of 7/17/03

    "Nobody's perfect...til you fall in love with Them!"


  2. #2
    This is a cliche but it's true.

    Your real friends will stick by you, so dont stress. But for now give them some space - they are probably very unsure how to treat you or might be worried they will offend you.

    Anyway, point is the genuine friends will be there even if it takes them a while to get used to the new you. Be prepared though, because when you dont share similar interests, it's human nature to drift apart.

    What amazed me most was the people I least expected were the ones who were really there for me.
    Good luck.

  3. #3
    Senior Member PB72181's Avatar
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    Something I noticed after my injury, and something you're noticing now...is that I suddenly had far fewer common interests with my friends than I did before, because of all the growing up I had to do. Maybe it's time to have a good heart-to-heart with them, discuss why you were ever friends in the first place, and what's preventing them from being friends with you now.

    Stupidity is not a handicap. Please park elsewhere.

  4. #4
    To steal another member's tag line... "Welcome to the party, pal!"

    You're not alone - At least amongst the guys. I think most of our friends take off. Even the very best of buds.

    Guys will think/say, "Poor bastard. He's all crippled up now. I wouldn't want to live like that. I'd rather be dead." Women are different. They think/say, "He's still the same great guy. Just in a wheelchair. So what."

    I don't pretend to understand the female brain but God bless them. They are just better people.

    I hope your friends come back around.

  5. #5
    agreed w/ the others.

    plus, $20 says they don't really know how to approach you now. It takes a little time to break down the walls of associating with someone w/ a new injury... I've been there. Some people just don't know what to say.

    Be the instigator; give some of your good buds a call & go hang out. Don't mention your injury at all unless it comes up in conversation, but don't dwell on it. Just be yourself. If they could care less, you need some new "best friends."

  6. #6
    Senior Member brian54806's Avatar
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    I noticed that also 22 years ago,, I think it is hard for them to deal with it, you will make new friends, better friends

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    Yep. That's what happens. My best friends compared me to my pre injury self and kept thinking about all the things I couldn't do. Best thing I did was to move away and make new friends. Friends you make after your injury will be better friends than your pre injury friends. Just my opinion.

  8. #8
    Senior Member PB72181's Avatar
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    I agree with Duke on the post-injury friends. It's easier, because they don't remember who you were before...they BECAME friends with the person you ARE now. Anybody who won't be your friend anymore simply because of SCI, wasn't a very good friend anyway.

    Stupidity is not a handicap. Please park elsewhere.

  9. #9
    from a woman's perspective, it doesn't just happen to guys. i don't talk to any of my pre sci friends anymore...there's some family members to. i guess they don't know what to say and just feel sorry for me, which i really don't need. i use to go out and party all the time, but being in a chair has changed things. my philosophy is screw 'em. one day they'll get a real taste of life and their so called friends won't be there either. maybe i sound bitter about this, but it's still disappointing when you think family and friends that you can depend on decide they'd rather not deal with you and your disability.

    Even if your body cannot move, you can still think and meditate ~Dalai Lama~

  10. #10
    Josh
    I know exactly what you mean. really you would like to see them but deep down you know that you thought they were your best freind's and they don't come around. then you know they really were not, or maybe it hurt's them to see you in that condition, but either way if they were as good as we thought they would come no matter what!!! I have freind's and even family who do not come around anymore, yes it does hurt and we seem to all have to deal with it. So all I can say is you do have freind's here! I have made some very good ones!! and they will help you in any way they can, all I can say is heaven forbid anything ever happen's to the ones you did think were and they find theirselves in a position anything like your's I have alway's thought if we go through life and have what we call really one best freind we are lucky!
    Any way welcome Back Freind!!!
    Duge

    T-12 incomplete 10-3-02

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