"Apology to USA"



By Rick Mercer....formerly of "This Hour Has 22 Minutes":

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the
United
States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for
that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but it wasn't nice
of
us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron
shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like
you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than
you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better
than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse
would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice
you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but
we
feel your pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against
a
crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it
took
more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was
different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly
veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this.

We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.